I have my mom ❤️❤️❤️ we cried and cried and held on to each other forever ❤️❤️❤️ she remembered me instantly ❤️❤️❤️ she hasn’t left my side or me hers ❤️❤️❤️ I love having my mom ❤️❤️❤️
We went out to eat and lots of baseball ⚾️ stuff ❤️ my nephew is a pitcher 🙌❤️
Here some photos and video…
Sacramento …
Dallas/Ft Worth …
Lol ❤️🙌 plane was packed and flight was delayed by hour lol
But made it – I can’t share pics of me and my family because you know – privacy
But I have my mom and having so much fun with my family – I miss them so much I want to cry all the time but because I miss them so much – leaving will be bad bad bad. Lol ✌️😭😭😭
Sooooo much candy 🍭
There were not many trick or treaters – our 🦖 dinosaur & friends were one of only a few
Ok I have to be off and going to get nails 💅 and stuff done with my mom ❤️❤️❤️ we are glued together 🙌❤️ I don’t wanna leave 😭
I also don’t wanna live in Texas – fine to come visit but I couldn’t live here. I just want to not leave my family 💔 I want to keep my mom forever – I just want her!!!!!‼️
It is THEM that feels like comfort and home – not the location – it is them ❤️🙌
I’ll try to take some better pics 🙌❤️
Can we just freeze time for a little while? Make it go really SLOW!!!!! 🙏🙏🙏
** ALSO 😮😮😮😮 everything so cheap over here OMG!! My gas was $4.79 🤨 … Texas gas is under $3!!! Fucking California 🤬 … what the hell? California not that special 🤨
A lot of California people leaving because California government, and systems, and economy SUCK ASS … so many are coming to Texas… and I saw a bumper sticker that said … “Don’t California my Texas” 😄 (California is blue state – Texas is red – currently 😄😘)
Ok we are being slow this morning ❤️🙌 my people ❤️❤️❤️❤️ lol same cloth ❤️
I will not be around too much because I am having too much emotion and enjoyment with my family ❤️ they are the best and amazing and hilarious 🙌❤️ ahhhh Home ❤️ (but not Texas! 😉… only them)
I am sooooo happy this week ❤️❤️❤️ I have my mom ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I just want to keep her!!
Guess what I am doing!! I am flying out to Texas on airplane today 😮😮
I gonna go see my mom ❤️❤️❤️ and brother, sis in law and nephew ❤️❤️❤️
I have one week 🙌❤️ please let the week drag on forever lol ❤️❤️❤️
I am flying American – already my flight is delayed 🤨😐
But oh well – I have planned for that lol 🙌
I have airport lounge if I want it lol … but we see. Is different from regular waiting area
Ok so … later today I will be in Texas ❤️
✈️
Lol ❤️
California is a BLUE state… ❤️❤️❤️
Texas is RED lol
I am independent / but more blue with Covid things … I would like to not die or kill anyone. 😉
I will be wearing my mask everywhere – mandate or not!!! Do not care how anyone looks at me or what they say. 🦠
Also… I can’t bring my lotion for my breasts because has marijuana in it … and you can’t bring on plane or have in Texas – I don’t know if even legal there 🤨
Ok I can do one week without – it should be fine – I can manage the pain some other way
Stupid considering the people it helps. But whatever
I hope the cabin pressure does not make them hurt badly 😮 when rains I can feel the pressure all through out my breasts!! Ugh 😑
Ok so whatever
My mom and family – have not seen me since before cancer. 😮😮 and my mom does not know I had cancer or new boobs… 😮 I wasn’t allowed to tell her because they said could loop her in terror so I didn’t want to do that to her… I love my mom and I don’t want her to have any terror.
So that will be new – none of them have seen me since cancer and Covid 😮😮
Ok – so… I am still in processing mode. That is not good words to say to me 2 weeks in.
Now I am all weird 🤦♀️
I am silent 😑
So he text me earlier (usually he was doing early morning and at night) – but last night he said that… and I just went silent – because I couldn’t – I just could not.
Ok so … I was silent last night and this morning and he text me about 11am to say Happy Tuesday.
I just left it there because I can’t … what do I do? I have to say something. Ok … be an adult. So ok I will.
So finally just little bit ago – I just said “I have been busy, but we should talk – I should have some time to call you after work tmrw”
To which INSTANTLY I received a text back
He says “you can call me whenever you want trisha. You are always welcome, call me whenever you want and are ready, as I embrace you”
Yes … yes he said that – just like that
It is way too much. I understand he is kind hearted and a good person – he is very kind and thoughtful and caring… he’s a really good person
I just need time. For me is too much. I don’t give my time… I am tired from things…
Also I can’t do pressure. I can not do a personal life with massive pressure things… there can be no pressure of anything personally lol … I have that at work so for personal life… I want to enjoy life and have peace … easy… approach slowly … no sudden movements!!
Ok so… I have to talk to him
I am too tired to write anymore – I keep dozing off
I need to sleep soooo bad 💤 I’m too tired for any songs 😮😮😮☹️
Ok… worked from home – I was still crazy busy!! Totally easier from the office!! And then home and office are separate – although the commute is awesome lol – I liked no commute – but I do miss the office – is just easier to handle things when there.
Got the next person hired 🙌 I’m sooo excited – he’s coming to MY location 🙌 ahhhhh some help! So excited!!
So work is going well.
And on a personal level…
That guy I’ve been talking to… ok well… he calls me today midday – but I was on work call when he called so I called back when I finished with the family…
He just wanted to say “hi” lol … he was talking about knowing what next date will be – he has something in mind he says 😐
I had to go because my phone was going off – people have my cell because I needed to be helping few families today…
He texted how much is was nice to hear my voice, and my giggle and know I am safe
And then he sends a second text that says …
Ps love you trisha (and proceeded to use my full name 😮)
One day he asks me if we can be friends outside of work…
The next thing I know he saying love you 😳😮 omg
Ok see nope… I am not ready for anything!! That’s just too way over my head – I just like peace.
He’s still very sweet kind thoughtful- but that is over my head totally
I just keep to self… you have to give me time to come out of shell lol
What would make you say something like that??! it’s not true because you can’t know that fast – and no… no you can not!! So don’t even try to tell me that. No!! ✋
So … could be evil trying to confuse me because some do that or try to pretend… but I don’t think he is one of these types
It could also be that he just can’t have a solid relationship? Maybe he moves too fast with women? I know he wants to find right one…
He sends me all kinds of romantic type text messages
Ok Buddy what’s the deal?
So I don’t know … I am not ready evidentially
I have not responded since he said that.
My girlfriend says I should respond and she said he’s probably worried … well he should be … and what do I say to that?? I do not know 🤷♀️ I am not good with these things and this is over my head and omg way too fast – you do not know me yet!
Ok so that is a lesson for what NOT to do – take notes if you have to!! Do not say those words until you really know that persons reaction to that
So I don’t know. This is not my area.
I just like peace.
So. That was fast. 😶
See things work out for the best, because now I have my answer … nope … I am definitely NOT ready. it’s too much
I’m cool just doing my thing for now. This is all way too over my head.
I like more easy normal and peaceful – SLOW
🤦♀️
This did not go slow in any sense of the word!!
See why I do not try this stuff. There is issues always
I would love companionship sure… but chill. Do not scare me off in 2 weeks 😮
Yes of course everyone wants to be loved – just wait til you know them – do not get ahead of yourself – careful there. That’s a very slippery slope – you better be damn sure
We getting hit hard!! Is flooding and trees down in my area – I’m not going to go to work tmrw. And she’s not going to school – we won’t be able to get out… I don’t own a boat 🛶
I ran to store for 30 minutes and a tree fell across my only way home 😮 … it fell before I got there – there was already a police officer there and he let me go around 🙌 … it was not fallen when I left 😮
No way we get out now. 😮😮 “trapped” 😮 I am on slight hill sorta lol
And isn’t that just a Hurricane 🌀 – that looks like a Hurricane lol … bomb cyclone 😄 … they just making sound fierce lol – it’s just like a hurricane lol
** No more fire danger at least 😘 … the only problem is … we been so dry without any water and now we have ALL the water, so trees get uprooted because of water saturation of the soil and the heavy winds. Should be ending today though … lol the bomb cyclone 😄😄😄 whatever … it was a hurricane lol 🙄😄 – is just slightly different because not a tropical storm lol … so then they can call it a cyclone 😄😄 – it just hits me funny 🙄😄
When someone says cyclone I think of twisters 🌪 …not hurricanes … just funny
Moving on…
Ok so… he ask me for pics 😐
He send me a pic all dressed up because he is at some family thing. And then he say “can you send one in return” ugh 😑
Because why? I wanna be equal person. What does pic matter – he knows what I look like lol … so because why? People always want pics – people soooo visual!! What would people do if whole world was blind?
Fine whatever – I send him a pic but ya know of course ..he gonna say is beautiful 🙄😑 … what man gonna be like “ewww that picture sucks” lol – no man in his right mind would do that lol … of course he gonna be like “oh so beautiful blah blah blah”
Meh pics 🙄😑 I don’t really like many pics – I am private. I feel photos are personal too
I’m all weird with stuff
The best bet is come in slow, let me know you and let develop – if meant to be will be
Also – this area has emotions all over it soooo tread lightly lol … see this is maybe where I think he won’t get it? Or I just am not ready for anyone to see those emotions. Probably that also. Because I feel panic to sincerely let someone come close.
I just feel safer by myself ??
But I also don’t stop to think about having someone in my life… it just scares me.
Of course I want that – but also fear that. 😮
And then I am also terrified of giving chance because that’s just a huge thing too
Stupid but whatever – is what is… there are still things I fear and huge emotions there – so I don’t really like to go near that.
So learning experience for both – we see
So far he does ok – I’m just very alert 🚨 lol
I want to NOT be ready to speak… and it be ok if I don’t… I do not want to speak of things – he asks me questions and I am vague. I don’t want to speak on it or share.
I know that’s how you get to know someone – but I don’t want to speak 😮
So… if he can chill without pressure… I will be ok … but he want to know stuff about me
Ugh … let’s see … I work a lot and have kids. That’s about it. I don’t want to speak anything else
I be really fast and really vague. I don’t even like that.
I just want to be quiet – so far he lets me – he asks questions, but doesn’t push… and doesn’t keep asking
We see
I don’t want any of the past defining me – so I don’t want to speak about any of it – that was when I only lived for other people… now I create my own life
Attempting to date a domestic violence survivor is not easy. So far he does ok. He has a gentle demeanor. He knows about it, I mentioned quickly and briefly, but I do not elaborate or say much else.
This is my life now so I don’t want to talk about any of past. I don’t want any emotions with that, the emotions are too deep with loss of family and cancer so no… I don’t want to speak.
Ok so… we had amazing party last night 🎈🎈 we ate his favorite dinner and we played a game I got for him
20 years ago – I give him life lol 🙌 created a human ❤️❤️❤️
He was about 5 there ❤️ that was right before the stage where he wanted to constantly be a ninja 🥷 lol
They all say they wanna live in house next to me when they grew up, and that I could always hold their hand and walk them to school – and then they grew up lol
He was my largest, they miscalculated him – he was 9lbs 13oz … I am small … so was like alien – all baby. They had to induce or he would still be in there!!
He is tall and skinny now lol …he got my skinny genes 🧬 … both boys are taller than me.
Anyway, we just celebrate being together and his birthday ❤️❤️ we had fun laughing and playing
And other things going on – I did not get condo… the HOA would not accept the loan I have FHA.
But that just means wasn’t meant to be… was excited but not sure was for me?? I don’t like being sooo close to people like that? So maybe normal house instead.
We see
So that is bad but not really – I only want what is meant to be and works… so whatever … something better fitting come along eventually
The good news is I have a new hire – almost … just needs to meet with MY boss … would be a transfer 🙌 so will be fast … another new hire starts on 28th – I am finding them 🙌
So … I think it scares me because I have always done alone?
Growing up I was new all the time “alone” …so I had to make friends really quick.
In marriage was isolated so was alone, except for kids.
And I just keep to self so I have experienced not answering to anyone and not being at anyones mercy …
I actually don’t think about it… I just work
I keep distance – with work I have directive and people to care for… and also do not get hurt… also creating spectacular team currently 🙌 I have little family
Today on group text they say this:
😮❤️❤️❤️
See why I love them ❤️ they are all amazing people (most)
So I don’t really think about dating or anything… until someone tries to come close.
Ok so what are my concerns …
Well his age… let’s start there …
I’m sooo much older… he is right in between me and my kids… he’s just at that boarder line where I say no lol
I do not really think of age when with him …
He’s interesting and makes me laugh – there is no drama. I don’t even realize he is young ..but then he is lol
His morals are really awesome and he’s so respectful of everything. He does not demand my time 🙌
Although he is making plans ?? 🤷♀️
For when does see again…
So see … he’s the type to really love you 😮 omg
How did this happen??
Also he’s very gentlemanly and proper …
And he makes me feel like this with way he speaks to me…
We have not kissed or anything – nothing. Which is good… I am cautious. I am not ready for that stuff – I need time.
There was that picture thing when I said let’s take pictures lol … I meant of nature… but we took some of us too lol … it didn’t even dawn on me he would want a photo of us lol
I just don’t know him enough, to know if I am totally ok. 🤷♀️
And that is only the first thing!!!!
That’s just the initial “am I ok with this?” lol …
I am not sure I am ready for someone to come close yet.
Because let’s think about that for a second…
He will want to know where I live… I’m probably gonna be weird with that
I’m definitely not ready for that!!
He will come close… so that too.
So not sure what I am ready for… but I will see who he is.
I don’t want to hurt him and I do not want to be hurt and also I hope he has patience. I do not just let people enter my inner world – nope 👎 … am extremely careful who comes in close
Have good and bad news – I will leave cliff hanger there… 💋 …
And this guy 😮 … so I am extremely cautious … I don’t text a lot – I am on phone or texting funeral people… other messages wait – plus I am cautious!!
But this man says everything perfect … 🤨 lol…
He’s sweet and kind and really thoughtful.
I am cautious lol… so I try to keep distance … usually they are not so sincerely sweet shhh 🤫
He doesn’t try anything 😊❤️ but he’s kind and sweet and thoughtful – shhhh – do not go thinking anything … I am just telling you what is occurring 😮
He is sincere … so I have to just keep slight distance.
But then he will say things … like want to do things with me lol … hmm 😮 is cool things he speaks of – things I love ❤️
Just makes me squirm little because I do not know I am ready AND he is young! I am 12? Years older … omg c’mon
I don’t think I can but then he is sooooo respectful… and safe 😮 and peaceful 😮
Dammit
It does make me just nervous … on couple things
He’s like full steam ahead with like no fear lol … I am like wait a minute ✌️😘
That’s a hurdle for me so I don’t know. And when I try to keep distance little bit… he’s funny
Meh. That is why I do not want people around me … now I have a situation and I don’t even know what to think…
I was going right along not being noticed or caught … ok … I am not sure
😮😮 so … do things together? And then he says amazing places I wanna go too …and then asks where I wanna go
So. Hmm
I don’t know because then that could become a thing and omg I don’t know. Little scared … I like like very slow. Not jump right into knowing lol
Easy does it – slow
But then he says amazing things 😶
I do not know if I can do this – everyone tell me just relax … I am 😐 ish… whew… if I do not hold back.. he will be all up on it – so yes I hold back but am playful … I just watch it lol 😘
It was really nice – I made the reservations for 3pm… he told me he would be here around 3pm so that’s what I booked lol
On his time off he volunteers with children at a museum 😮
He said “when you told me you lived in this city – I just pictured a regular normal neighborhood… but you are really far away from people”
Lol yes …yes I am ✌️ he didn’t know we had areas like this so close to Sacramento – it’s just beautiful and peaceful ❤️
I told him, I came here because I was healing from things.
He knows my story somewhat… I go really fast and don’t really want to talk about that … I just don’t wanna say a bunch of bad stuff… violence death death death alzheimers cancer …lol that’s horrible … so no I don’t really want to talk about what I walked through ✌️ … he asks questions and I answer – but then I also move convo away from that lol
So… he is respectful of women or actually all people – so I like that
He is same nerdy, goofy, funny
He does seem somewhat stiff ?? But I know he’s nervous lol because he tells me
I like him. But I’m still not sure?
He sweet and amazing yes
He IS a stickler on rules and things – which I also like lol …
I am too but I’m more relaxed
He is little more stiff? Lol but could be him being nervous?? But I think he is that way?
I’m just really cautious because he really likes me – ok well wait!! I’m not sure I am ready for this
His messages to me have my girlfriends all swooning – because he speaks so sweetly and caring 😮
I said ooohhh let’s take pics – I meant of the scenery and nature lol … but he got all excited thinking I wanted to be in pic – so ok fine I took one with him … I have to remember when I say things like that – how people will take or think lol ** MUST BE PRECISE ** lol
We left about 5pm… he did keep wanting to go to my house because he said “we can go to your house and drop a car off and go do something” 🤨 lol
Nope not showing him where I live – no no no…
I need to make sure he is not crazy or typical – I am definitely NOT comfortable with him knowing where I live.
Oh and he’s “Christian” hmm 🤔
I do not mind if you have whatever religion you want – as long as not pushed on me… so I am not sure?? We see … that comes up alot
So that makes me really uncomfortable
I am Catholic. So I’m just reserved – I do not speak of religion. So certain things I am just quiet with – is personal matter and decision – not anyone else’s business
So I’m just uncomfortable with it.
He’s been a gentleman. Has not made any move which is good!! Except when I say let’s take pics – … he got close and we snapped it
I had fun. I like him – but I’m not sure. I am still guarded – enjoying but still guarded – not sure if I am ok with all of this. And then his age’ 😮
I am not sure I am ok with all of this 😮 … but then ..: when I start panicking … he will send these thoughtful and really sweet kind messages – very thoughtful things
His age bothers me little. I do not know if I am comfortable with that either 😮 that’s a lot of years younger 😮
See I spiral … I have fun, I like him, we laugh talk and it’s great… but then I think of everything and I’m not sure I am ready. But again his respect and thoughtfulness really get me
But we just see – I won’t see him now until maybe mid NoV? So we see how time and distance does
After we were done eating, I was tired and so was he…he had hour drive this time.
After we left winery and he went home – I drove to girlfriend house because it was gonna rain – I just beat the rain and tmrw I open the haunted mansion tmrw
Learning Life 