Good and bad

Let’s start with the bad so I don’t have to deal with that…

Something is wrong – but I don’t know what?

I don’t really want to know – but I do – because it scares me

I am better to focus on others – that is MUCH easier!! I am way better at that!!

I do not like when you turn the spotlight on me 😝 I also don’t like to deal with medical issues 😭

It was very traumatic – and I can not handle the emotions when it comes to myself. So is very hard

I can help with your emotions all day long … I get comfort from your comfort ❤️

I do not like to handle my own emotions – they are too much.

Anyway…

They run some tests already…

They check for diabetes – I asked them to run that one because that runs in my family – autoimmune diseases – my Dad’s mother had that… and all grandparents had high blood pressure

My blood pressure is fine, they tested for diabetes – I do not have that 👏👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m thin but I don’t know if that matters ? I had them test because runs in family and I googled and self diagnosed self with things that say I am dying lol 😘✌️ so just to check lol

I also work in the death industry so… I see dead people 😳 … it makes you think a lot …always – because that’s my every day

And then stupid life keeps throwing things in my face – both with life and death – stop that ✋ don’t make me think of bad things that can occur

I am all clear on diabetes and my blood pressure normally is always low… they did blood pressure test just because they always do that … I am ok there – I am regular as always

My symptoms are weird – something is wrong- sometimes I am ok – sometimes I am not? For maybe 2 weeks something be really off?? My body is acting weird or different? And it’s more and more

So they wanna run tests to rule out cancer, thyroid issue or breasts – so let’s not make me cry – don’t comment on this part … just read

Just let me vent and get it out but then don’t make me cry 😘 I’m weird like that – just listen

People just simply wanna be listened to sometimes

Just let me – we will move on to happier items 😘✌️ that is better … I need that balance 😘✌️ I can’t do those emotions well so just let me

https://youtu.be/CD-E-LDc384?si=ZKfO7oZ5qmdzl_Is

On the way there, I was complaining the whole way – because I don’t want the focus on me – I don’t want that

And my daughter – was just telling me reasons to 😩

So I said … if no one is around and a tree falls in the forest lol 😄😄

And she said “mum that is so dumb – even as a child that made me so mad – of course it makes a noise”

It is very funny though with her reaction to that 😄😄

Ok … moving on …

Let’s talk about something else I don’t like to talk about lol … dating

This should be fun

Anyway, so… I’ve been talking to this guy who wanted to take me out on Sunday – at first I was not too sure because I had reservations because number 1 … he is a a man lol

Sorry but yes a little concern cause I don’t trust … in todays day and age I don’t want to deal with the stupid shallow shit, or the fluff – come original or don’t

https://youtu.be/KWo-02Hsab4?si=LUlWsIkCowWiYm1W

A total stranger today – did NOT know what I do for work… that I am aware of

I was not at work, I was in a store … but he just struck a conversation with me about his mother and how she died and why

He has no idea what I did for work – he just say those things – this actually happens a lot 🤷‍♀️ I must have a vibe??? Plus I am becoming known and remembered, so I dunno maybe he knew what I do? I do wear black all the time 😄😄🤷‍♀️ not by choice – out of respect ✊

Then told me he needs to work on his health both physical and mental … he said he has low self esteem because of what he went through

Be who you are – do not let the world define you. The right people and things will come to you when you are secure for yourself

Be original – not a copy … be proud of who you are. Do not let the world or anyone else define you 😘 only YOU define YOU ❤️

I have trauma from what I went through so I work through that – ish 😘 slowly … so that life gets mad that I go to slow, and then pushes me 🙄🫤🤨

Anyway…

Ok back to the guy who is flirting with me 🤷‍♀️

So ya know – I am quirky with things – I severely watch your words and demeanor – I also listen to your stories and observe you – if you gonna come around my life – I WILL know who you are

Well right off the bat I had concern because of what he did and does … I do not trust the professions he has had. So ya know … watching him lol ✌️🤷‍♀️

I am severe with that

But I like him 🤷‍♀️ he’s not a pompous Asshole so far

Just learning who he is…is kinda fun. He’s very funny … very sweet

I said “I am older”

He said “no, I’m pretty sure I am, how old do you think I am?”

Hahaha well 40’s lol

And he says “yeah but late 40’s”

I said “still 40’s” … so I was correct lol

He says “why how old are you?” Lol

I have him beat by 2 years – so he said I rob the cradle lol … no … careful with your teases lol

But I like that – yes play with me – made me laugh

He makes me laugh a lot – he’s sweet and kind

So far

But he says all the right things and has been keeping my attention which is usually NOT a thing

I usually focus on my kids and work only, once in a blue moon I will think ok maybe is time? … but then it is always the same, so I just don’t bother … I have own happiness and peace… so whatever 🤷‍♀️ …

But he is a nice distraction and we clicking at this moment

I am still guarded because his professions have silver tongues … also think they read people

But perhaps you could say same for me – but MY profession SHOULD actually have caring, empathy and compassion

His professions are not known for caring, compassion or empathy

I am extremely hard on BOTH his professions lol

But so far he isn’t a jerk… so alright – so far am enjoying the convos – he’s fun

He says hi to me every day, and I like that he shares but then also asks me things … I really like that he shares first then asks something

But again – those professions … so I’m watching if he just learns me and then tells me what I want to hear – so I am cautious

I gonna be watching – one false move lol ✌️

But he seems real when speaking to me – he even said when he speaks to me it makes him feel young

I do have a brightness and a young ness of heart lol ✌️ I brighten death so isn’t so dark… and I can make your spirit feel a little younger sometimes 🤷‍♀️ I lift it 😘

I have a life spark ⚡️

https://youtu.be/p47fEXGabaY?si=75nXOe-yoPjmcq0t

Careful 😘

I am a life whirlwind type if you get too close

Also here is something else I pay attention to – be careful how fast you move – I severely watch that too – that will make me watch your intentions, as well as question why moving so fast?

Sorry but I am never ever ever again having a satan so … hell yeah I gonna watch how you are

So bring it – we see

Enjoy his convos but also have caution – that’s just gonna be how it is – but he does well when walking that tightrope lol … so time will tell – always does

Also- I’m independent so don’t be thinking I am damsel in distress

https://youtu.be/jH1RNk8954Q?si=cXcrqxWC10yhLSLP

Be a gentleman, and you be fine…observe and listen also

But I am tough … so ok – we see

https://youtu.be/J5qWnG5RQTk?si=cj3koxEgfYYXENKB

So ya know – put those songs all together and there you go 💋 that is me lol

https://youtu.be/T3E9Wjbq44E?si=Z6pmQ9uhuFS6osw5