Rollercoaster

https://youtu.be/DIfjheWQdVc

Ok so… my entire life just got on the rollercoaster 🎢 …

So… I have someone in my life who I completely adore and respect and think is brilliant…

To me… he is funny … he is type A personality… total perfectionist … which is fine … I am too sometimes… not type A… but I can be perfectionist with some things.

I love chatting with him – I do find him delightful and he’s kind and generous. Very knowledgeable

But what if everyone else tell you different?

What if you know him for few years and he’s always been amazing? To YOU?

I have never seen what the people say ??

So you gonna have to help me think… because my mind is warped in this area … I have been subjected to abuse so… I am very empathetic so I understand the reasons people do things … anyway…

Why would only be nice, kind and amazing to me? And is he? When with me, yes – but what about behind back?

No there is no way he’s interested – for sure

I have always trusted, he’s quite brilliant.

So I do not see the things they say…. But I have red flags 🚩

I don’t trust people – and I don’t put anything past anyone!! I am not sure if is blinding me to antics? I don’t know?

You know how people will say something and something they say triggers a memory of them from another time? And you know how sometimes that can be puzzle pieces and you can start to see a picture?

We are all VERY familiar with the saying “hindsight 2020” so I don’t know?? I am trying to see clearly but I don’t know?

Hmm… that makes me very nervous. Is very very kind and good to me… I have a gut feeling but the empathy gets in my way!! Like I am not sure if playing me? Because was little odd – I had feeling something off? Calling me and texting me, which is not abnormal but I distanced for long time – I just keep quiet … I just do “me” and my thing

But some people when want something or are manipulating do that? So I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

Was really sweet and kind to me literally recently

So I almost feel like – it turns my attention away from any fires ? Cause I do enjoy his convos he’s very brilliant … I respect him and think the world of him … but …

I don’t know? So many fires with others but not me and covers all of it very well… that’s the feeling I am getting 😮

It’s not just one person saying to me. And it’s not little things. People will show you what they want you to see – heed my warnings!!

But then – I think… no, he is upstanding citizen – I am his friend – or so I think?? I am not sure

Who is this?

And this is why is good to be quiet/distant and see who people are. 🤫 always watch your guard!!!

https://youtu.be/0Ypq42OWNH8

See you take the time – you really know someone. Patience is a virtue 😘✌️

Also… If I want the job close to home – it’s mine… I have to talk to boss – and also – I don’t care what you think but I am loyal … I can not with good conscience leave my boss in lurch so … I will mention and explain and we see.

I will not be able to sleep just letting them explode – I can’t

I am transparent so I was already honest with this.

Now I just have to talk to boss 😳☹️ I hate to leave because I love my boss! Very much – incredible boss! Honored to work under so … that kinda gets me.

I like the other boss too – but I am loyal to MY boss

Also loyal to self – but I can’t just leave and watch the explosion – oh I can not do that. That is not the right thing to do. Trust me it’s not. I respect my boss way too much. Always has my back and is supportive.

However … the way the other one is run is different ?? Maybe not as insane?

We see? 😮 I am nervous

I just be honest. Bleh makes me feel sick- I wish I could take my people with me

I also would have to tell my staff ☹️💔

They will understand but that’s gonna be rough

So – my hearts gonna get torn – they my second family… I am with them on the daily lol

And will be more change 😮 omg

I was talking about that to someone today … how I used to live in 1985 just little while ago – all nice and tucked away in peace ❤️ … and then I move to new house and come into 2022 … I miss my version of 1985! Lol

It feels weird to be in 2022 🤨 cause it wants to keep changing everything!!!

I haven’t told many people I have house… I stay very quiet … I speak to girlfriend tonight and she doesn’t know – I don’t want to say.

This is the one that tells others about me, which I don’t like, so I don’t really say anything – she just tells me all her stories lol

Her life is crazy… really really crazy – it sounds unhappy, but then she say she is happy. So ok.

No WAY I could have that for my life – no way in hell or gods green earth!! Nope!!

If I told you – your jaw would be on floor lol – just no … it’s way too crazy. You would be like ? Wtf? Americans 🙄 lol … no no just her lol

I’m kidding – but maybe slightly because I could not live her life at all. Too much!! Nope

But yeah – I don’t like her telling people what’s up with me… I am very very private so. I don’t want any problems … so I just be quiet – it’s better that way.

No one knows nothin! Nada… zilch 😘✌️only closest people I trust are who know things

See … this is why country is better for soul… because it was just peaceful without so much people drama. I am not good with people drama

I do not like that.

I like peace alot ✌️😘

I like to be quiet.

Anyway.

So… rollercoaster lol 🎢 … why life?? Why you gotta keep teaching me lessons??? Ugh let me be

Enough – I know everything lol – I’m kidding – I know nothing

But I am sooooo tired of people lessons!!! Can we not do that? I’m good on those lessons – stay away – got it!! 👍

~sigh~

It is hard to be around people – I feel their emotions and then at same time I trying to see who are.

People are ALOT!!

My mind has a million thoughts 😮😮

So I dunno

Oh yeah and Monday with the red hair thing… I dunno 🤷‍♀️… ya know… whatever

Guys are just rude… was 2 people I have to deal with from city and one ask me if I am “true” red head 🤨

Ok first of all – rude – that is inappropriate – why you asking? What is your purpose for asking me that? That sounds suspiciously dirty 🤨 should not be asking me that! And no I did not answer, I am joker and then I change subject lol ✌️ 💋 you can not defeat me lol – I am master of avoidance 🙌 lol

Nope

I am not answering that – why you ask me that?! What is purpose??

So I don’t like that either – rude

It’s just been a week!! I wanted it to go fast but now I want it to slow down

Ok so … I need the rollercoaster to hurry up with the drop omg bracing 😮

https://youtu.be/5w743nIi3JQ

4 thoughts on “Rollercoaster

Add yours

  1. Wow that’s a lot of emotion being released and l can see the rollercoaster ride you are having to journey on!

    From what l have learned about you and come to know is that above verything else you are pretty savvy when it comes to people. dealing in the death industry and you’ll see all sorts of people, but also from your time in the golf industry you will also see bloke’s behaviour from all angles as well – polite to rude to downright dirt and you know you can take care of yourself.

    BUT more importantly Trisha is because of everything that has happened in your life from bad to good to recovery to better you do know what you want from people, what you want from your friends, what you want from your family and what you need for you.

    If your gut is kicking up this kind of turmoil about Type A personality guy and you have niggling red flags – then trust your gut because something isn’t right.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes much emotion!

      Well he is good at life lol, he has a brilliant mind, he’s always been amazing to me towards me.

      He just stirs the pot a bit with people and can be harsh towards them?

      Passive aggressive? And little mean?

      I have never seen that … he is not that way towards me at all

      But there have been more than a few times with other people.

      I get his frustration but they still people so that bother me

      I adore him very much… I consider him a close friend and I have learned a lot from him also. He is really nice to me, and is always respectful – but I do notice he does keep a distance from me. But as I do him lol

      But just little things I notice and watching. Time tells all right?

      I am just really careful

      Btw… thank you for your answer – that was very thoughtful and insightful 🙂💗

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well now even with that little bit extra information – that’s not that bad. Not all passive aggressive behaviour is bad and that’s not me defending anything but is it perhaps a defense mechanism with him? Has he been hurt by other people in the past? And now he is weary of people?

        Not everyone is always friendly towards all people, just some, the ones they trust, the ones that haven’t hurt them.

        The problems with passive aggressive styled behaviours is that they can be hard to spot and define as exactly just that. You would be quite sensitive to this type of behaviour because 1] as you say – but they still people so that bother me – you are an empath so you whilst understanding his frustration with others still acknowledge that they are people too and they have feelings and 2] your radar to any kind of male aggro would be high because of your marriage and understanding a man’s overall mentality.

        I think you are wise to be cautious Trisha, your gut is telling you something isn’t 100% so trusting your last statement is what you need to do ‘But just little things I notice and watching. Time tells all right?’ Setting up boundaries of what you are willing to accept and what you are not.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes – I will be cautious and just watch. He’s not that way with me at all… it just worries me towards others.

        Yes, I am hypersensitive to these things

        Just takes time

        But yes he is very frustrated, and every right to be – it’s been difficult. It is what we have and what working with so ya know – we family tight?

        But that wheel wobbles because no one is perfect.

        So yeah just cautious. Careful.

        Liked by 1 person

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