A connection 😮

Yay! Is Friday 🙌 oh thank god!

Everyone has been really high tension this week ☹️😑 it’s been really hard.

And trying to keep everyone working as team, is hard this week. I have a lot of A-type strong personalities.

Everyone just stressed.

Yesterday was my sisters birthday 🥳❤️… and also my cousin’s birthday (my dad and his brother had a child on same day, same year – 2 hrs apart) lol

It was also my grandfather’s birthday 🎂 … (he died a month after my dad) but I had 3 birthdays yesterday (still with my sister and my cousin ❤️)

Today was my dad’s birthday. 💔

But anyway… there is this woman who I have known maybe since January??

There is whole long story … I work with her. And since January I have gotten to know her

She is the bomb ❤️ she is so awesome and hilarious!!

Guess what? She is also from Massachusetts 😮😮😮😮😮

So we have same ?? I don’t know?? There is something… the way we each are, is very similar 😮

So I find her just hilarious!! Omg she is soooo funny! And we have same sense of humor… and recently it’s like we are two 16 yr old girls … omg

I’m really guarded and protective and I just keep quiet about my own self – I just work and do my own thing. I don’t really get close personally. I’m just cautious

Well evidently she is same too…

So whatever we joke around and laugh alot … we are both New England’ers so we have same wave length lol … we are very similar

She is way younger than me – although keeps saying how “old” she is 🤨😄

She is not even 40 yet 😄😄🙄

Anyway… yesterday I am talking to her and somehow the convo was more personal… and then as we shared things – things were sooooo similar in regards to our lives!! Omg

She is almost like my “person” twin 😮😮😮 …there is another one just like me 😮😮😮

And we just clicked 😮

She lost her best friend and her father few years back

She tell me she is just so tired of life taking everyone she loves away. I feel that too ☹️

So we have same experience with death.

Sometimes I feel like I am death angel – I kill plants 🌱… no matter how hard I try to keep alive … although I do have ONE aloe plant I have kept alive for 2 years!! ❤️ …but normally most plants die with me.

And then I have lost so many – that I am a little hesitant to let people in close, because I am afraid I will get close and then love them and then they will be taken away, and my heart will bleed. 💔😭🤫

So I just keep quiet and just work. Life will bring what I am supposed to have.

I’m just saying, I know death sits on my shoulder.

She is same. She has a lot of loss too 😮

And she also used to work at a school 😮

And she is from New England 😮 (sorta …half her family from New England and the other half from Hawaii 😮) – I am from New England too… and I want togo to Hawaii 😄😄

One big difference is the childhoods – mine was Norman Rockwell – traditional, happy loving, full of laughter

Hers was not – hers was hard and sad ☹️💔

But we have same demeanor, same humor … many many parallels!!

It’s almost eerie 😮😮 ok it actually is eerie…

And then we talk about what we wanted to be when grow up and it was the same 😮

We both wanted to be archeologist 😮😮 neither did that lol – but we both wanted that as a child lol

And then we speak of other things 😮

She has similar people like like my Satan! 😮

She is a younger copy of me 😮😮😮

She is sweet and kind and extremely hardworking and extremely driven ❤️ she also works her ass off – like I do. She made herself ❤️ just like I did… she is also a Phoenix 😮😮😮

She is amazing.

I just have not really shared personal things like that – I severely keep private personally … especially with what I went through

She is not in my office every day – but recently more and more and more

Because she likes it there and my office is awesome 🙌 most love being there 😉😘 we comforting and easy to fit with mostly

Well she’s been in my office all week and on Monday or Tuesday – in middle of day she walk by my desk and says I have to go …

But I see tears in her eyes 😮 so I just say ok goodbye… I know if is tears like that – she want to hide them… so I didn’t want to make her cry by asking.

So I just texted and asked if she ok?

She told me she just lost her dog of 15 years ☹️💔 she was balling

She is also guarded and kinda a loner like me 😮 or just protective keeping to self

As I am speaking with her yesterday – she has same type of abuse as I had from my ex… she went through that too

So that is why we so similar with being guarded and cautious 😮 neither one want to ever experience again

And then we were speaking of dating guys – and I said “eh… I never want to have that abuse again so I am careful and highly guarded!!

Also nowadays, people sleep around alot …so I always remember what they said when I was child… you sleep with everyone that they have ever slept with… and then I wanna sleep with no one!!

And I understand people sleep with people – and that’s fine… but people way too over my head today – I am not that fast and if you don’t have my “mind” … then you don’t get far.

You can try all the fricken attraction moves or eyes – whatever – I ignore … I handle my own self …so I don’t need shit unless someone amazing 😘✌️… I am not going through bullshit and crap again – oh hell no!!!

She has EXACTLY same mind frame with things there 😮😮😮😮

It’s just interesting how similar and how it formed ? The caution and things.

As more and more is same, I see things

She just made me feel 16 yesterday – we laughed like school girls 😮 I haven’t felt like that in long time 😮 I’ve been quiet so long.

We both have high pressure but the laughter helps … I was just surprised we so similar

Off subject and then I have to run… I have a really strong opinion on something – really strong!!

It’s a National story over here.

I don’t want to say just yet – because I am composing my thoughts – and I am not sure I want to speak on it – but then the pull of what it is… I want to speak? I am sensitive with it.

I’m not sure I want to say what I want to say because it’s going to be severe

So we see. I will think

Well anyway I have to go… back to work. ✌️😘

Ps… I feel like I am coming of age ?? But I am old lol – just learning and seeing many lessons recently.

13 thoughts on “A connection 😮

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    1. Haha no not at all… let me say this way to you…

      Ok … so… cancer only made me face mortality, and what a gift life is ❤️

      Fricken all the time I am at Dr’s or Hospitals 🏥 ☹️💔

      And is emotional journey so you just cry easy. Or I did.

      But… I had to take my shirt off constantly, for everyone!! So whatever …

      I am very open with my breast cancer, and teach women what they looking for. Be aware … also I have photos of my journey and ya know – they did nice job 👍 whatever

      So no. That did not make me unsocial and silent.

      First of all I was in a domestically violent marriage and it was bad so… I don’t really want to talk about that because that is still too much

      That and other things all together – so I just wanted to be away from people so I could have some peace ✌️

      Not for anyone else, but myself. I needed that peace. I went through loss of father, grandfather, grandmother, mom being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s … and then me with cancer – meanwhile my ex and court things – and then add on the medical stuff

      And nope, I was done. I like the peace ❤️ it is peaceful out here ❤️ (except for the creepy neighbor) omg 🤨

      So … no … actually I am very open with the cancer & reconstruction – I am not shy with that. Because if I share then people know and maybe they save life?

      Plus at this point 🤨 whatever

      They are rebuilt – is oddly kinda cool and I just like the unique ❤️ is experience

      When I remember going through it, I have emotions. Because I never saw that coming and I was terrified

      So I like sharing my cancer story – because breast cancer effects both men and woman… so… sharing stories can save lives!!

      I’ve kinda personally grown attached to my purple scars 💜❤️‍🩹

      I am social. I am bubbly personality. 🦋 I smile and laugh alot and I love my people ❤️✌️

      I am guarded and private etc … just because of the abuse I would say. Yup.

      Not the cancer.

      That is odd to think would be from cancer ?

      Knowledge is power

      Hmm 🤔… ya know every cancer journey is different though and how you respond to that? Yes it was painful and emotional and scary – I don’t like flashbacks on those memories – I remember the rush of emotions with those memories

      Hmm what are reasons I would withdraw?? Umm… definitely sadness!!! If my heart bleeds, yeah that will make me silent. If I am devastated – yup I would be quiet

      Depends. Because trauma – including emotional trauma, can have different effects on different people

      Strength and perseverance and good things always good.

      It depends on what you throw at me – as to whether or not I am silent lol 😘

      Does she appreciate you? Does she enjoy who you are?

      Does she not want people around ? Maybe she just needs a little peace for her soul?

      Does she let you in?

      How old is she?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey Trisha, yes l remember you discussing your previous relationship. I suspected it might have been that or a little bit – Suze went through an abusive relationship, as did l and my mother too.

        I asked because Suze became distant from people, it knocked her confidence socially, BUT she was never a bubbly social butterfly before – a bit quiet. I think being as ill as she was in 2019 and that alone nearly killing her knocked her confidence a lot.

        I have been trying to rebuild Suze’s outlook since her cancer – and it is starting to pay off – but she became very reclusive from the result of her cancer l think due to her getting tired of explaining her cancer to people.

        She had stage 4 throat cancer and l have tried to tell her she was and is a survivor and people need to know her experiences, but she is not bothered about letting people know, she just wants to get on. It’s her body, her life and her experiences and pain, if she wants to let people know, it’s her choice.

        It was just a question and as you have said ‘everyone’s journey is different’ 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh yes absolutely her choice.

        Just make sure is not depression because that can happen too

        But for me was just needing to take a breath in life. I wanted the silence to reset.

        I do love the silence though ❤️ you do get addicted to the peace 🙌

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh yes, she had depression – it was in fact the depression that made things much worse for her. You probably know she was suffering so badly from loneliness that l offered her to stay here for her recovery time.

        Suze moved in unofficially a few weeks ago, and for the last couple of weeks we have been involved in moving her out from her property.

        This is the last weekend – thank goodness because it has been knackering for me this time around physically.

        But her mental health is starting to improve greatly now.

        Sleep deprivation was the ultimate reason for her starting to break down, the side effects from the intensive radiotherapy caused a lot of damage, to her throat, jaw and especially the loss of her saliva glands caused the most upset. That is a permanent side effect now and never having saliva in her mouth causes a lot of angst. But she is 60 this year, and everything catches up with us all in one way or another.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Well she doesn’t come in overly often – but lately has been showing up.

      In beginning she was paired with this horrific manager and we were not sure who she was – we were suspicious and then also “will she stay?”

      But she did and she’s pretty amazing – very funny. Goofy lol

      And then I am bubbly and so when that is put together is funny like teenagers lol

      I’m telling you funeral people are characters lol … you just don’t see that side because we also calm and subdued

      And it was kind of odd experience to see what someone else went through

      And then compare to mine which was almost identical…

      And then hear the same things that would come out of my mouth 😮

      So it was just odd to just see how that effects someone. In the brain.

      It had same effect 😮 and she is extremely protective like me. Also a workaholic lol

      That was also funny because she is same ?

      She is fun when she comes around – but I do adore many that I work with

      Like

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