Rough

Ok so… I had a bad day

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I just be silent right now, but you know – writing helps so we see 🤷‍♀️

Just work stuff.

Yeah I don’t want to talk about it. I feel very silent.

Let’s see what else?

Well that’s pretty much my life lol … I left early because I have daughter this week.

I am making dinner, but I’m not very hungry. Actually at all. I have no desire to eat any food.

The thought makes my stomach turn.

I’m just really silent.

So hmm… I’m gonna have to be cryptic so – get out your decoder rings lol … 😉✌️ 💍

Let’s see how do I stay silent and not be silent? Ok

So… I see signs of cracks in the dam… uh oh.

Ok so there is that. I’ve been handling few things and taking it on the chin. Which is fine

But I’m nervous with stuff and I see cracks so…

I want to say something to someone who could help… but I also want him to have vacation and not worry… instead I worry!

Not the time for people to fall apart… c’mon stay strong!!

I feel like I need him – because I am strong … but with him stronger 😮… I am holding together but we need him… we are stronger with him

I feel like I’m driving with a flat tire … one wheel down – I need all 4!!

I want to tell him – but then I don’t … let him breathe and recharge. Whew what to do.

I know if I tell him – he’s gonna work… and I don’t want it to completely take over his life because death will…

But while he been on vacation – he sneak works 😑🙄

He does teeny tiny things and keeps in touch with his families.

And then he will text me … if I don’t answer really quick… he calls lol … dude … sometimes stuff is happening and you supposed to be on vacation lol

And then he will be like “you ok? Everything going good?” 🙄 omg …the man does NOT know how to take a vacation lol

And then from there he uses me as the feeler for how everyone else is handling things. It “was” good

But he took 2 consecutive weeks – that’s hard! Especially when low staffed

So if I call him – his vacation might end and I don’t want that. I want him to recharge because I need him to come back really strong!

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So… that? Or…

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I dunno – so I am silent. Bleh whew. Ok well. What do you think ?

I like to be informed. I know he does – but if I inform him omg his vaca over – I don’t want to ruin life for him. I want him to have those moments with his loved ones – I know how hard this job is. I really want him to relax – he never relaxes.

It’s our lives but I want him to just have moments because those are also important.

I am not aggressively strong like he is – but around him he brings out a power? 💥 I dunno I feel safe and strong when I can turn to him so without that it’s really hard.

It’s also not as fun without him – some say he’s a hard ass – but I don’t see that 🤷‍♀️ I miss the every morning call to discuss every detail of the day and things lol … I have to coordinate with him so constant communication is key

His conversation skills are spot on. With literally everyone!

Anyway. I definitely miss him 😮 we really need him 😮

So… what would you do? 😮 do you speak – or remain silent and let it rain over me 😮

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Ugh 🤦‍♀️ whew!

So I don’t know how to hold them up without his guidance but I do not want to put heavy on his shoulders… so I am carrying it

I have a cross to bear 😮😮

Ugh 🤦‍♀️ whew what to do.

Also if I tell him …the world will know I told him lol. So.

Oh dilemmas 🤦‍♀️ which is the right way??

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Btw… just to clarify something to be absolutely clear – not that I have to explain myself but whatever …

I enjoy him as human being, because he is amazing man.

I also very much appreciate his guidance in areas… he gives me perspective.

I appreciate who he is as a human being. That is all.

I admire others with same type of admiration.

That does not mean anything else just because he is man – so I am just saying… we work incredible together.

I need his guidance but I am torn. Ok. See do I take on to my shoulders because I don’t know I can? I don’t know what to say and he is a master communicator – higher than me 😮

He is our strength and then to put that on his shoulders ugh 🤦‍♀️ omg

Yeah I’m not eating!! 😝

Yesterday we came home early, ate, I just laid down for one minute and nope I am too old to do that now… I fall right asleep!!

My daughter woke me up at 11:30 when she slinked off to bed 🤨

But I’m so exhausted and beat that I fell back asleep. Omg

So about 12 hours 😮 omg

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I could close my eyes right now and I’m not even laying down 😮

Well anyway… what would you do? If you were in my shoes – what would you do?? Seriously think and tell me lol – I need guidance lol different perspectives 🙏

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How would you see it if you were in my shoes? 👠