Reality is back lol

Hello… reality is back lol

So… I went AWOL for a minute to be with kids … it was because work was still texting me then kids say no work… so I did not check emails or check the group chat … I didn’t touch my phone really at all 😮

Omg and I had to keep my phone on silent so it would not be lit!! 😮

It was hard to turn my back 😮😮😮 initially that was REALLY HARD lol … but then I really got the hang of it and omg 🙌❤️❤️❤️ it was wonderful just recharge and awesome … I highly recommend vacations!! Lol

We got to just have fun and melt together and laugh ❤️ it was awesome

One day we stayed cool at a water park and I am all about those water parks … omg yes…

Let me slide down a slippery slide with water really fast and plunge into water omg yes!!

See how amazing those things are… you don’t have to do the drop ones but they fun ❤️

Yeah I really love water parks for heat – that is really genius!! You get to be in bathing suit all the time and just be in the water 🙌❤️ … plunging into water – yes I do love that ❤️❤️

It is perfect for summer ❤️

Anyway was awesome vacation … and we went to a gym and then also went swimming in pools and things ❤️

Things you do not want to do in winter unless you go somewhere tropical in winter lol ❤️ all the fun awesome stuff lol

Although sledding and skiing are fun also… there are some fun points …but not many and short lived before I freeze lol

My blood pumps better in heat lol 🤷‍♀️ … I am more alive in heat not cold – I am definitely happier with heat… but it does get insanely horribly hot – the severity is a bit much… the sun is not kind to my skin either …so I still have to be careful

So…

Guess who I heard from on the morning of my birthday … yeah CB…

So I have mixed feelings with that … he doesn’t say one word until morning of my birthday and what? And why? Why bother and why do that, why say that?

I just don’t wanna go thinking he cares if he doesn’t want to.

I appreciate and I like that he remember … but that makes me think he cares so stop that unless you mean it.

So … I do not want to play games and I am not that type either…

So I told him …

I still have heart break coming at me when my mom dies… and I see heartbreak all the time…

I keep that balanced with the amazing incredible people in my life who always have me laughing and enjoying their company ❤️

I have to keep a balance … I can’t have sadness at home over someone I chose to come close

So it’s just not a healthy for me. I told him what I want and told him my deal breakers

I do feel like I am trying to push him away… I hate to make him go away … I do like him.

It just won’t work… he is not healthy for me… I am not ok with what I think he wants

That’s a no.

I just can’t … I just want peace in the areas of my life that I can have that in. Especially there! I’m sorry if we want 2 different things and I am not down with his version

So anyway … that’s hard but better to be hard now. I just want to be at ease and I am not at ease with that.

Anyway… coming back to work was hard because once I let go of work … it was hard to have it all come back lol

As soon as I got to work and got buried – ahhh that is why you need vacations from these things in first place lol

Ok I will write more later – I wrote this last night and you know how goes – I end up falling asleep 🤨🙄 it just happens

I have more to tell though – but later ✌️

Ok I need a shower and coffee lol

Happy Tuesday 🙌❤️✌️