What happened Friday

Met with lawyer Friday. Went really well. He is protecting me and he makes me feel safe ❤️ when dealing with the court – I have always been panicked … because I just don’t understand.

He takes his time with me ❤️ he holds my hand through “this” – the same way I hold someone’s hand through death. ❤️

So I feel a calm and a peace with him … I trust him – and because of him I am safe and protected ❤️ you have no idea the peace of that ❤️

I was gonna leave because I thought I only had an hour… and I am careful with time because time is money… but he’s been good and not really charging me? He didn’t charge me for last meeting ? Or he forgot? I am not sure? But he is kind and gentle ❤️ I am very thankful for that ❤️

He also knows his shit ❤️ but he said – hang on there Missy (lol, I haven’t heard that in a long time lol) we still have another hour to go over 😮

We went over TONS of things!!

We talked about my cancer today because a section of trial will pertain… anyway… he was funny because he was being VERY respectful … I was explaining and I had to tell him about my surgeries…

And I was explaining the right side… and that one scar that goes from center of my chest to my under arm.

That one scar … ok well it’s a nice deep purple magenta color It looks fierce and scary to me – (I do find it also beautiful, it’s just severe looking)

It is also very emotional so you will have to be easy there with that and noticing. Pretty much “normally” I am good with people asking me about it – that’s fine. And of course I will share my breast cancer story – maybe I help you?

It hits both men and women you know! Don’t be blind to that – save your life! Be aware

Anyway… I don’t have anything to really show… it’s like Barbie and someone made a big giant purple magenta colored line across the front with a sharpie lol ✌️

I didn’t show the whole thing but I showed the area in the middle of the cleavage, where that bad scar starts. … you just see the start of the purple magenta… it’s high enough to just pretty much show with everything that has any kind of dip or plunge – unless I hide with lace 😘✌️ I love lace for that reason – luckily I am very girly girl so that works really well ❤️

Anyway… he made a comment .. he said … with most respect – they did a really good job 😊

They do look good. I will say that… it doesn’t offend me if politely said like that… that is fine… it is someone’s work lol and we discussing for things and information so it was not an issue.

If I am explaining or teaching you about breast cancer, or having to say, then I am ok with it.

Don’t just walk up to me and say nice breasts- that would not go well lol

I was talking about all that stuff today. I usually never think about all those moments. Because they sucked lol… there were some humorous-ish things … I did NOT share this story, but I remembered this as I was telling him things 😮…

They would hand me this gown and say ok go put this one open side to front

So off I would go every single time… I would take everything off except my panties and put the gown on… and then they would see that and they would say “no no, panties off too” 🤨

What??? You up here – you are not down there wtf??

It’s a 6 to 8 hour surgery!! I was inundated and all that – a few times. Even afterwards I was incoherent for like 3 days 😮

So what now about not having panties?? Cause umm ?? What??? I don’t understand

They explained it to me saying that “in case of emergency so they don’t waste time having to cut things off”

It’s panties – how hard are panties to take off??? Really??? Whatever

In my surgeries I wasn’t allowed anything… they tell me … stop shaving 😮… no make up 😮… no lotions 😮… no perfumes 😮 … fricken no deodorant 😮🤨😵😵😵 I was not allowed anything. 😮😵 not even panties!!!!!!! They almost killed me with all that alone!!! Every single thing I do – they tell me no 😮

The real reason was probably – In case you fuckin die, we can just wheel you to morgue 🤨 in regards to the panties anyway.

All the lotions, perfumes, make up, deodorant and not shaving – I actually do understand that… I don’t like it … but I understood it. Is to lower Risk of infections and issues

But panties ??? That one bothered me… I just don’t find them very difficult to remove? It’s not like cemented ?? Lol … so if you are working on my breasts… why you need full view ? Cause c’mon!! Really? What is small little panties gonna matter? Whatever – they wouldn’t let me

Sorry anyway – that’s my little rant on that and things I remember not liking lol ✌️ today just made me remember that. I had to talk about those moments in time. 😝

Also… regarding the lawyers office… ? Hmm …

There is a person there… he is very kind and very sweet – always has been, from day one actually. I just assume that’s how he is?

He is always telling me how much my story touches him and how much he admires me and is so sorry what I go through. He is sweet with how he says things…

And one day (not yesterday) – he called me about something and then told me about who he is and what his story is sorta… and then he tell me how he is as a person? He is similar to me – have lost family… Huh that caught me by surprise.

But I was just thinking he being nice ? He is very sweet – I don’t know though??

He is very attentive to me? And then yesterday I am sitting in waiting room by myself, and behind the door I hear “good luck with the girl” and then the door opens, and there he is

He comes to talk to me and wait with me.

And then he is also cautious – they handle my case … he knows what I went through so he is careful. I appreciate that.

He is really really careful and nervous when he talks to me lol

We were having a nice conversation that just got started and then my lawyer came and I had to leave

Hmm… I almost feel like he is trying to read who I am?? Or read my vibe ??

I’m not sure.

He knows my case… my case finishes in March – and then I am fully free …

He is also similar to me with few things 😮 so if he is trying to vibe me… my guard is up a little.

It’s not bad – I’m just careful.

There is one thing about him that scares me little. It is something about his story, and it is his past… I don’t know enough.

He went to give me a water and his sleeve went up as he went to hand it to me… and he has a tattoo in Chinese going up his arm. I wish I knew Chinese!!!

Now I wanna know what it says lol

Well anyway?? He gives me a vibe that he is interested?? But I think he is really not really sure how to approach me and we really haven’t talked other than that one day he call me recently.

Currently he will get to know me a lot until the end of March 😮 … so he has time and I have to go back again this week 😮

(On Thursday)

And at end of March – I’m just free (❤️)

But anyway – I’m watching that – lol … he turned my head because of how he reacts around me lol…

You know when you are young – and you have no idea what you are doing ? So you kinda feel the waters ?… and he has this slight nervousness talking to me lol… so it reminds me of those things from years ago in school – and just also… when he looks at me, he has this kind gentle look?? I don’t know how to explain it?

Hmm – well that is a good choice in approach – and I like that he keeps a space and not come completely at me.

See what he did there?? He caught my attention – now I’m watching this.

Usually I am very blind if someone is interested unless they are direct. But here I don’t know? He has my attention.. because now I am watching it


(Not like that lol… I just like and remember the song 🎶❤️😄)

But if I actually stop and think for a minute… about umm being with someone again… whoa… so I don’t know.

It sends this terror through me? So ok. Breathe – don’t think

If I think about it – I feel a terror 💔 🤫

I hear this song… and hear/see the words … but nope, still terror


So. Yeah you can’t just come right at me.

And then… lol … I am not really around anyway – I am all locked away and always avoid any situations

So there is not really opportunity for anyone to really come close or know me

A few try – but I always lay out my shit and what I have coming… also I very bluntly say what I want – if you can’t handle that… ok 👋 bye

But this one already knows my shit, and knows what I have coming … and what I want would not scare him off in the slightest 😮

Whoa 😮 so how do I handle this one? That’s all my ammo

What do you do when you have no ammo??? 😮 I have nothing to be scary with lol 🤷‍♀️

So I am just alert on that. Not really sure what I think there

Then it was Friday night ❤️ ahhh … we watch and play videos

They let me have control lol ❤️❤️❤️❤️ so I excitedly put on that Modern Marvels show from the History channel… the one all about cemeteries and funerals 😄😄 lol … I posted it a few days ago. It’s really cool – interesting

But it is my normal documentary type thing lol … and then on top of that is also death ☠️ lol

And daughter goes – what is it with you and this death thing? lol 😄😄

Well that’s my life… my life IS life and death lol … I’m sure if I worked with puppies, all I would talk about would be puppies lol 🐶

And there is always things you are bothered by or fear … like things I mention in this post… but if you don’t talk about things then that is why it is harder to handle.

I took my daughter with me to some of my dr appointments while all my stuff was going on ❤️ I want her to not fear the way I did/do

And yes I have a thing with death… it surrounds me currently. Lol so whatever

I have morphed into a weirdo funeral girl lol

I also showed them this really cool video on gravestones …


And then one was like – why they gotta play the creepy music? Lol

But I was excited they watch with me … they actually did not watch the documentary – they moaned too much when I started it 😄😄

They saw the History channel logo and the moaning began, and then “all about cemeteries” made them moan even more 😄😄 so alright … I will spare you lol

But they did watch that crazy tombstone one !! ❤️

Oh I did have them watch this thing about “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”


But hold on… because… ????



But Tom and Jerry is computer animated and not drawn ✍️ by hand? Roger Rabbit was

So ok Tom and Jerry – ❤️ I like that they didn’t take liberty and change them

Oh yeah and then we watched this trailer…


I got very excited because in this movie they play the Beastie Boys 😄❤️ sold – hook line and sinker!! Lol – was totally delighted

And the kids all laughed and said Mum!! They aim these things at middle aged women like you, they totally just pulled you in with Beastie Boys – and the humor will be aimed at you too… women in your age group are the umm retweeters? Influencers? Posters? so they aim at you with that one lol

Oh well – nice choice on music… and they are adorable and funny so yes … direct hit ❤️ ✌️😄 (did make me cringe slightly when they called me a middle aged woman – don’t say it like that lol)

Well anyway… that was my Friday … I have to work tmrw to cover for Thursday. So I have stuff I have to handle

Also I left a back window of my car open last night and it poured – so the back is little wet 🤨 I didn’t even notice it!

Well anyway – I have to go adult – I will be back later ✌️😘


4 thoughts on “What happened Friday

Add yours

  1. I think the panties is also about cross contamination. I dunno. My humility bailed a long time ago!!

    When I had knee surgery (in my 20s), I chose to stay awake… local pain killer only. On my back, gowon open to front, completely nekkid. Apparently thinking I was under twilight sleep and would forget everything, the surgeon told a joke involving the C word. I don’t remember it now but remember it was a pretty funny joke. The part I remember is thinking it was seriously unprofessional, and that the joke was inspired by his clear view of my “C word”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I’ve had kids, and then I had to constantly be topless for like 2 years while dealing with cancer…

      But after last surgery – I just went really silent and then I covered up? Just ya know – I had to heal and get used to these… I wanted to be left alone. And I was tired of so much attention it was over my head. I had to go silent for myself. So I did

      So I’m just cautious … and I know attraction is a thing but I dunno??

      That part overwhelms me ALOT!! So I do not like to deal lol ✌️

      That is partly also why I avoid

      Ok yes – I guess I could see the cross contamination thing … fine … I’ll accept that lol ✌️

      Well that doctor was definitely rude! That was unprofessional


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: