Weird things & deep thought

I am readjusting. I am ok. Just rethinking. I’m almost there. I’m doing ok. Building character that’s all.

I will be back.

I work again today. Yesterday at work, I have 2 big boxes of paperwork I am going through.

I have to go through each file and check everyone’s paperwork – make sure we have all signatures and all legal documents. I verify every SINGLE paper, signature, and legal document, put them in order, then scan it. It takes a long time for each file.

I just got lost in paperwork so just zoned on that.

The odd thing about that was the first few files … all the people were MY age … all born the same year I was 😮 … the first 5 files, all of them was my exact birth year!! That was weird – but whatever coincidence right?

I kept working through the files. Then the next few oddly were the year my mother was born… there were 3 of those, after the 5 that had my birth year

Ok well that is weird but whatever – I kept going.

Then after those 3, the next 2 were my grandparents birth year. Just made me think of my family… and it was odd how they were in that box in order like that with those birth years.

They are just randomly in that box, I was pulling out each file as it was in there. It was just odd.

The final file I pulled… did not have a familiar birth year that meant anything to me… but that persons “date of death” – was my ex’s birthday.

It was really weird how in unison those files were like that. Every file I pulled!

All the girls just randomly put them in there – and they have no idea when my birth year is, or my moms, or my grandparents … nor does anyone know my ex’s birthday. (I never speak of him)

They are banker boxes 📦 full of files… and not in any order. I start at the front and work my way through. So it was just weird that every file I did – hit me for a minute. I was all by myself.

Anyway, I be working again today.

In the meantime – I am just silent. But ok. I am thinking. Like I said, building character.

During lunch I looked up YouTube for something and found something else… I ended up watching this Indian guy speak about a few things… it made me think. I had never heard of him before – but his words kinda ring in my head. It was a short video… but he had some really deep thoughts he shared… I liked his words and what he said. I like that guy.

Then I didn’t want to think about stuff. I need to step away from that every so often.

So I switched to tv and watched some show about hospital hauntings and things like that… which is probably NOT the best thing to watch, when you are all by yourself at a funeral home!!

Then I just worked and kept going through all the files.

I am just quiet for right now. I’m almost there. I’ll be fine.

I have to get ready for work. I might be back later tonight after work. I’m not sure though cause the silence for a moment helps me process and then adjust. So I am fine – just adjusting. I am in deep thought.

The silence helps keep my mind clear and focused so I can see my path? But don’t worry, I am fine- I am always fine. I am strong always. Life happens… And it is ok to take a moment here and there. I’ve had a lot of trauma so just readjusting self ✌️