Douche ?

My girlfriend knows everyone… she is from the Bay Area… so she knows tons of people there and then she knows, pretty much, all of Northern California 😮😳 … she is the epitome of a social butterfly!!!

She literally knows everyone, and also she knows all gossip or whatever else you wanna know 😮 lol – she kills me with that 😄 I’m not kidding!! Lol

We were talking last night, she told me all her stuff… and I told her mine… my mom, how the kids are etc etc… and then I mentioned country boy texting me again…

She knows about him we have talked about him before…

He’s been in my life since 2014, and got kinda close when my dad died… he was very sweet and thoughtful – and has been a very sweet kind friend

But in November he wanted to move faster and I was not ready… it caused an issue and I was done… he couldn’t handle it so I walked away. I don’t play games – if you can’t handle me I’m out. There are other girls if you want something I can’t give you… so whatever I walked

I used to share all my stories with him and we would laugh all that… but when I walked away – I went silent… I just cut it all off and walked away. Left it alone. It wasn’t meant to be.

He came back shortly after we locked down 🤨 so bored or something? That was my first thought – but maybe he needed a friend? So ok fine I’ll be nice cause he has been that for me before …

We had a discussion, we laid out what each wanted – it was not the same… and that ends it. Done. There is no question – it’s done.

So I walked away again. I’m not sure if he thinks I am not serious? Cause I’m not playing.

I get that he was sweet and kind and put in effort – but we want different things and he can’t handle me.

I will give him leeway IF he just needs a friend cause I know what that’s like and also… he was there when I needed a friend so I can do that too.

But I will be very clear – it goes no further than friendship. End of story – if he can handle that fine whatever – but if not, off you go.

So anyway… I was telling my girlfriend he just text me again and I’m just confused about why?? What want ?? I don’t understand… do you wanna be in my life or do you not? I’m not going to deal with a yo-yo

I don’t understand this stuff at all which is why I do not date. Is just easier and I’m not really interested in stuff right now… if something happens that changes my mind then fine, but in general. I just don’t understand – all you people are way over my head!!!

I like simple. Not some crazy thing I have to figure out 🤨 I have to figure out enough things nevermind that!! So I don’t date- so what? It’s like a rule or something that you are supposed to date 🤨 I don’t like that… I like my peace. ✌️ it’s simple and easy.

It’s just funny cause that’s a conflict of interest to me… I have to go through many hard things – so I believe the things in life that are worth it, are hard… they make it worth it…

But that’s not always the case?? 😮 sometimes it can be easy and worth it!!! 😮 … and with SOME things I want it THAT way? I have had amazing things drop in my lap as if meant to be? People or jobs

Ok and then… I consider myself a soft person… but come close and I get harder? Lol so “I” myself can be difficult ? Only because I’m worth it and also I’m guarded … So ..what’s worth it?

I’m very quiet and keep to myself. If I see someone I know or something like that, I come to life? But generally I just stay quiet. I try to fly under the radar… I just wanna be quiet. 🤐 so what??? I like the peace – still waiting on my Harry Potter invisibility cloak lol

But see … so all kinds of contradictions 🤨😄 again why I do not date lol – is just way too much. I’m not the type

Anyway back to the story… she confirms his name with me, and some of his details … yes that’s his name, those details sound the same as him…

And she tells me… if it is the same person… he’s a douche 😮

What?? Cause I have never known him to be what I think of when I hear that word 😮 lol

Is that a bad word btw? I don’t think it is ? Because that’s how I used to sing this song…

www.youtube.com/watch

… that’s what I thought the words were 😮😄 for the longest time lol

But ok… she says he’s bad… I’ve known him for awhile and we did get close as friends but I never let him come into my world… and I never went into his… so I don’t totally know him. He could be anything- even a douche 😮

He’s just never been that way with me? I don’t know him to be a bad person. At all. But he could be.

I don’t really like rumors or other people’s judgements … I make my own opinions.

And I’m kinda careful who I keep around me – so that’s just my concern.

Ya know how hindsight 20/20? Lol (no pun intended) well with this information she told me – makes me flash back on key things that were said…

Just little things ?? The last time I saw him he said he wasn’t speaking to his family – I get that – it’s his thing … families have issues sometimes … so ok

And then also… I don’t even remember what we were talking about but he made this odd comment ?

So ya know I have a chip on my shoulder sometimes, mainly because I’m not going to be dealing with stupid stuff – but I also know what I’m worth so whatever … if you come at me like a person – I’m fine… if you come at me with a chip, you gonna get a chip lol ✌️

So anyway just mentioning that cause I support good healthy strong self esteems…

But his comment was just odd to me because he said something about “everybody loving him” ??

So ok then – why is he telling me that? So that I believe that? Why do I care? I don’t need to hear that – I can see for myself?? Had just struck me as odd? Could be just me, but was odd.

He doesn’t need to convince me of things? But then like I said maybe just because that’s how his world is? I dunno?

There were a couple things that I just thought were odd. And then with her saying these things it makes me think.

I will ask directly. I just haven’t yet and I only will if I need to. Right now I do not need to ask because he is not in my life.

I take my time and I’m slow because I want to know who is around me. I’m careful with that because of who I am.

I don’t see him as bad… but I don’t know if he is… and I do heed warnings. So just watching.

And this is how I think through things lol

Also the lesson here is … girlfriends – good to have ✌️❤️ cock blockers lol – am I allowed to say that ? Lol sorry it’s funny – things come out ✌️😘 that’s life

So ok well … I am slow today. Happy just slow.

I’m not in the mood to adult today lol ✌️ I have to… but I’m not in the mood to lol …just saying ✌️

Back later 😘