Sad

My heart kinda bleeds tonight a little bit. Or actually a lot? 💔

I got a phone call today, from the director of my mothers nursing home… she is ok… sorta…

She is getting worse. I knew that was coming

I love my mom very much and I know she’s gonna crush me… I already lost her to Alzheimer’s… she’s gonna forget me and then it’s just gonna be bad… I know it’s coming 💔

It’s hard to brace for that… I just get to lose her constantly 😭💔 like over and over!! It’s like the worst pain you can go through

It’s like… being stabbed in the heart … that’s when you learn the diagnosis…

The knife stays in… and every moment she slips, that knife turns making that cut deeper…

I know that moment I lose her… gonna slice my heart open like a knife. 💔

I am afraid of her death. I try to brace myself cause ya know – I know that’s coming… and I’ve kinda lost her a little now… and as of today, a little more. Time is ticking. Whew ok … I have been through this how many times now?????? It never gets any easier

Dammit

Anyway… I am not sure where I am? Little upset … I might be quiet ?? I’m thinking that? I feel kinda sick … my eyes are teary

I kinda feel like withdrawing? So I dunno – I have to watch it with that. It’s just gonna be a really hard hit … is not any time soon… she’s fine just slipping more into her own mind… she is forgetting basic things – she needs more help. I’m just scared

Like knowing something is coming at you- seeing it… and there is nothing you can do. I am helpless 💔😭

Ok well I’m gonna be quiet for little while… just while I process ✌️ just upset 💔 shhh 🤫

www.youtube.com/watch

That will be a hard song 💔

This is life … how it happens I have no choice but to accept it 😭💔 I hate this part

I can be upset all I want – but it’s not gonna stop it from happening… it’s only because I love her so much and I don’t want to lose her and I’m not ready to lose her and I’m really tired of all this!!!

It’s not a shock… that’s not why I am upset … and she’s ok… it’s just she’s slipping out of my life and I’m trying to grasp her?

Just having a moment – I have those too – it’s not all sunshine and rainbows ✌️