Back and Forth

I’m doing better. Just had to absorb all that today. I am going to lose her at some point though.

I don’t think I can prepare for it? It’s just gonna hurt.

Anyway… my son texted and wanted to play poker for a little while – I haven’t told the kids yet… I will end up crying cause it’s my mom, so I will wait, was too much to say anything tonight … he took my mind away for little while, and didn’t even know that. ❤️ sometimes you don’t know what people go through. He made me feel better ❤️

Anyway… I guess I’m still little upset? I dunno – today just made me realize I better be prepared for this. I will have to keep a grip through this.

That’s a big reason I love life in between… cause I know there are gonna be really big hits in life … I want to enjoy any good moments I can, while I can. ✌️

Anyway… I have some photos of my beautiful mother ❤️… I’m little in these… she is young here – still just as beautiful ❤️thought I would share… I am very lucky they took so many pictures ❤️ time is frozen

Me and my mom ❤️… I could do more recent photos but that would show me – and I’m not there … maybe some day? But for now I do these…

Yeah this will be hard. I can’t imagine life without her?

I want to keep her forever. But that’s just not how it works. I can’t have that.

I have my emotional side that doesn’t wanna lose her and wants to keep her forever!! It makes me cry. I don’t wanna let go. I love her. ❤️

And then my realist side … ya know, this is life… how goes. These are your cards. You are gonna have to let go, you have no other choice. Suck it up and deal. 🤨

Crap… this should be on my list of very very unhappy things!!!

I don’t like the emotional side and I also don’t like the realist side – but they are both there. They both suck though – I don’t want the emotions, they hurt… and then the realist side also sucks ass!! But I guess, it also helps me cope. Cause bottom line, I’m gonna lose her. I just don’t like that.

Ok well … I still have her for now… so I’m gonna enjoy that while I have that… I don’t have that much more time left with her. I want every moment I can before she forgets me and then leaves. God that sucks!!!

But ok – I have her right now.

So yeah back and forth ✌️