LONG Friday night wrap up

Friday night wrap up time lol…

Had a nice evening… we chit chatted for little while and then we all kinda tired … and I’m gonna do some TMI … cause I am cramping Oh my god! ….

When does that shit end for people who are slow with things? Ugh 😩

Although there is some funniness to that lol… alright so… There is a debate in our house lol… is me and daughter 🤨😄…

I claim that when 2 or more women hang out together continuously … we sync? So things go off around same time… you body will match my body lol – trust me it happens!!! Totally think it does!!

However the strong woman I am raising to be just like me 🤨😄… says no, and then she “thinks” she has all this scientific stuff she can throw at me to prove she is the correct one in saying “women do not sync” (yeah ok) lol

So I was cramping and all that awful stuff … so I took some Advil and we all went to my bedroom and laid on my bed… we were all watching my oldests cell phone which was being screen mirrored on to the tv… we were watching Tik Tok things … I didn’t care – I was hurting 😝

So I turned to her and said prepare yourself this week, yours is coming lol – she gets all mad lol

I tell her … look I’m the only woman you are around… you have sync’ed lol … it happens I swear it does!!

So we see if I be correct… if not next week I will hear about it 😄✌️

So they just kinda laid with me tonight ❤️ it was really nice!!! We laughed watching stupid stuff … they would stop for things that was funny to me – and I would laugh so much… they would not find funny 😄😄… but then they play things they all laugh at – and I don’t get it?? So whatever

But it was nice just to have them all with me there. I had heating pad with hurtness… so they just be with me ❤️ was very peaceful ❤️

Ok so on to my girlfriend and what she said…

She made that comment about trying to stand up and life beating her back down no matter what she does… she was very upset…

I understand completely – totally know how that is… fuck do I … I lost my dad, my grandfather, my grandmother, had to take control over my mother with Alzheimer’s, had cancer, fight through a brutal awful divorce… it’s been awful – I should be rocking in the corner… cause then I started to stand up and Hello Corona 🤨 … lost my school job, struggle to survive … fuck ya know? I should be rocking in the corner! I am tired … I would like to NOT have no more hits!!

So I understand life can sometimes grab you by the feet and wack you around like a rag doll… I feel you!!!

It feels like punches to the stomach… so one blow comes… and you react and try to gasp for air, and another punch… and when it’s punch after punch – it’s really hard.

So I understand so completely how she feels. I get it… I don’t want someone feeling that… is horrific.

I still feel that pain… just differently at this point…

All those things still make me cry, I can still feel them in my heart? It still bleeds from the inside… totally. That was ALOT to go through and still going through shit.

All those things were meant to happen… just the way they did… in each thing that occurred… there were definitely lessons in all of it that I NEEDED… so there is that… you can believe that or not … but there were lessons to me. (I still suck at lessons but you keep smacking me with the same lesson – eventually I will pick it up lol)

Not only were there lessons but also… each event lead to something that was connected and could not have occurred without the previous event? As if was just meant to be this way.

And I have always been strong – but now I have super strength (mostly – sometimes I still want my mom lol) ✌️

But I am able to umm? Handle what comes at me. Come at me bro… just kidding, don’t lol … but I can handle it.

I am getting used to the blows so it gets easier to take the hits if you keep having to face them. It’s what’s on your plate … what you have to finish that plate before you can leave the table. You remember that right?

I feel like … life is going to just always hit you with things … whatever it is… it’s gonna be hard, people are gonna struggle – no one ever said life would be easy…

I know she’s frustrated with the lockdown too, and all the other stuff… I made her take a walk with me. My demeanor is generally funny, but I am also very calm? Gentle?

So anyway we walking … she was pretty upset… I just let her vent… we all need to vent – you have to have somewhere to let it out … she’s been bottling that!! Not venting… trying to be like it’s all ok when it’s not. Don’t do that… that hurts you. Get it out.

So like I said, she vented.. and then started to complain about things she has to go through … I know some of those things too… but I didn’t say that. I just let her speak, I just wanted to see her?

She said she she’s fed up with things and having to live like this… And then said she’s just waiting for PG&E to shut our power off. It’s gonna suck, she said.

I said… well yeah… we learned last year how much that sucked… however… we have learned from that!!! And we are more prepared this year – plus if we have to rough it… we are so far ahead of everyone else lol … I got my portable shower ready to go lol – I told her you welcome to use anytime you want lol – I wanted her to see the good too – she didn’t though

I make her laugh… that will save your life… I think laughing adds time to your life… so do that. Everyone needs that!!! It’s so important!!! Even in the worst of times.

So I had her laughing and feeling better … but I noticed there are things she takes for granted and doesn’t understand the appreciation for them?

She can’t see, because she’s upset, frustrated and beaten down.

She won’t grasp it until she is ready to, so it doesn’t matter what I say … I can speak so that seed is planted – but only she can grow that.

The situation is… these are 2 sisters… the other one is my landlord… yeah 😮

Well my landlord truly loves her sister, wants her sister here – does many many many things FOR her sister and doesn’t want her to go anywhere ? Thinks will be fine if she just holds on with a little inconvenience for a little while.

The other one, my walk girlfriend … she just wants to throw her hands up in the air and be done… she’s really tired and exhausted … I can feel her completely …

Here is what I think she is taking for granted and not appreciate as she should… just my opinion as my own person and outsider …

But you have family who wants you, will be there for you, it’s never going to be easy… but you are stronger together than apart… work together – don’t fight against each other… and the walk girlfriend needs get to a point of letting go… she’s not there

None of us want bad things, they just happen … that’s life

Ya know… when she is just with me… she’s hilarious and funny – her comedic timing against mine is like perfection!! She has it in her to love life and appreciate – she just can’t get to it currently … she is having lessons but it’s hard

You have to change sometimes. You have to let go… I had to adjust to many things myself my whole life … so I can adjust pretty easily…

The area I changed was … as all my events were happening it was like a black cloud was just always above me… I couldn’t get away from it and life was brutally pounding me!!

Ok fuckin give me your worst then… and it did!!!

Oh boy did life almost beat me down… it took everything I had to stay straight and level…

My daughter has watched moments of me balling on the floor… so ya know was hard … we all have moments …

My boys and girl all helped and took care of me after my surgeries … even when I couldn’t do anything for myself…

They changed my bandages, helped me with my tubes, took me to drs, fed me, helped me to bathroom and helped me bathe – yeah I have raised pretty incredible kids ❤️ they take my breath away ❤️

I am also blessed with incredible friends who will drop anything for me, and are always there… I have incredible support from my community … I was well known in this town … I will tell you the love and support I got from them … AS WELL AS complete strangers in cancer groups I had – that also saved my life… their strength helped pull me through some pretty horrific moments ❤️ I am forever thankful

And I beat cancer… I won… and I won that final surgery too… I had to fight my ex to have many surgeries cause he’s an asshole- heartless cold and black hearted. So whatever I am away from him and my life was saved ❤️ I won, I am alive – I walk away with my life

I could have died… there were many times I should have died, but I didn’t – don’t think I don’t realize how lucky I am… I do everyday ❤️

One day it will catch up to me, and it will be my time, and I will have run my purpose? But until then… right now I live on a gift?

When I won my fights… they were my first wins… that black cloud that was over me? For the first time started to part ways ?

I could see light again? It had been so long, and I was so tired … but the sun started to shine again?

The minute cancer left my life… I jumped into that school job … fell in love with those kids – they brightened my world even more!! I needed them in those moments – I didn’t know that, and they had no idea about my life … but it was meant to be for me and them… some needed me too… I miss them. I hope they are all alright and doing well.

Then I got the funeral home because I thought ok … I have things there I haven’t worked through – let me do that… and then my demeanor is so calming… I can put people at ease real quick, and I know the grief so I’m good with that… I can relate and feel that pain still…

Anyway my whole point is … I was standing for the first time ever and after cancer… and then corona hit – are you fucking kidding me lol what the fuck is this shit?!

I just feel like… I am blessed with life, and I’m still full of life… I had to change the way I love and how I do…

Some of that was forced upon me, and other things I changed myself …

You may not agree with me on this point … but social media – that can make you depressed, it can make you forget how to love yourself and also how to appreciate what you, yourself, have

I stepped away… I also stopped several other things … and stepped out of my life … I need that peace for myself…

It breathes life into me without all that… I have no outside heaviness … or influences

I am free to experience my own peace and however I want to enjoy my life.

I am alive, I am surviving, and I’m doing ok at this moment – I am hanging on …

I may have moments where I panic about something? But whatever, I get a grip and remember I am strong … I walked through hell, I was married to Satan – I can do this.

I want laughter in my life always… and I never want to take my life for granted or the people I love in it. I want to enjoy every moment even if it’s bad … I can handle that. I think? I try lol ✌️

Every person has to come to their own love of life, whatever that is to you…

I handle my shit my way, I do my own thing, and I love my life!! It’s by no means perfect… but neither am I so whatever – blessed with what I have. Nothing is ever going to be exactly perfect, and it doesn’t have to be- imperfections are just as beautiful ❤️

I still have more to fight to go through so we see… but no matter what, you can’t steal or crush my spirit ever – no matter what you throw at me.

I think she needs a little more lighthearted laughter in her life … she needs a break from the heavy and isn’t sure how to adjust to it or handle it.

I almost thought she was going to ask me to be her room mate 😮

I have a problem with that kinda … only because it makes me nervous… I am careful who comes into my life – and I am afraid of wouldn’t work? If she is heavy I will feel that heaviness and it will pull me down – so yeah I can’t – I’m not ready for that with a person!! Please don’t ask me.

I also believe – you don’t bandaid a problem… if you don’t face it – you gonna get the same lessons over and over, and it will haunt you until you fix it. Even I have that.

So I dunno? Was just a thing today – that’s why I got side tracked

I haven’t told the stories from the store but this is long enough and WordPress is getting all mad at me, freaking out crashing my post lol – it’s like shut up already lol

I’m wordy lol ✌️ enjoy your life, don’t let it crush you ever … you are stronger than that. Be who you are and don’t bottle things … see the funny in life. Don’t let your life slip away – you have one… make sure you laugh ❤️ leave with a smile on your face, not tears… you win, don’t let life win (I still have to put effort in to what I want so ya know never ending story lol)

You never stop learning

Like a video game… master that shit… beat that boss! Finish that level. It makes me think of this… I really love this ❤️…

www.youtube.com/watch

So I will leave you with that and be back tmrw ❤️ Gnite ✌️