Shy, but not shy…

Got some good color today… I do small doses while lotioned up so I do not burn so badly lol

I remind myself of roasting marshmallows … don’t leave on the flame too long and turn slowly so one side doesn’t catch fire or get overly burnt lol 😄

I would like a new bikini 👙… I haven’t gone bikini shopping since I got the new parts last July. Not a big deal but would be nice.

I have 2 … I have a cute little Hawaiian one that is skin colored with Hawaiian 🌺 flowers on it… and then don’t laugh – but yes I do have a United States 🇺🇸 flag bikini lol (I really love that one!! Though!!)

I’m not totally used to the new stuff just yet… no one sees me so whatever … and I suppose I could go topless? 😮 lol … I’m in the country, but still whatever – not that ballsy yet – even by myself lol ✌️

You never know when a neighbor will pop over – and my luck, the minute I go topless will be the day everyone comes over lol… I already had one heart attack earlier with that alarm – don’t want any others!

The Hawaiian one makes me bust out … the American flag one is better cause that one has ties so I can adjust the pop lol

The scars saved my life so every time I see them – I feel incredibly blessed to still be alive ❤️ … one of those scars is pretty big… it goes from the center of my chest to almost my back… they had to severely cut me open.

It’s still a deep purple color against white/pink freckly skin 🤨😄 makes me think of a neon sign … is there a way to lighten that?? Don’t say lemon juice lol

On a funny note …

I have this card? Is like a license? For the implants 😄😄 … just kidding … actually it’s the size of a license … and each implant is coded – this card has those codes and the amounts used.

I usually carry it with me everywhere – incase I was ever in an accident or something? So any physician will know, just incase. Has all the information should that ever be needed. They tell me to keep with me, so I do… I just call it my license to have implants 😄😄✌️

I had a choice to get the implants or not… the choice for me was to do that… I am happy with my decision…

I don’t think mentally I would have been ok without that decision… the full mastectomy would have been too much for me after already going through what they put me through.

For the woman that can handle that, I am impressed by your strength – I just don’t think I would have been ok? It would have crushed me and just not been good.

I do have photos from before my surgeries, right after the mastectomy and before & after the implants.

Just looking at the pictures right after the mastectomy – I can’t handle those pictures – I have such a rush of emotions and it was severe. It is weird looking, and painful looking and too much for me to handle.

So… I have the implants. Still getting used to them… they are a little different – when the rest of my body is hot, they keep a lower temp lol… I kinda like that though

I have no feeling in my breasts whatsoever … they took all my nerves as well. If I touch them, I can feel the pressure of touch but no sensation.

I do feel better having them. So do believe I made the right decision for me.

Is not something I ever would have done if it wasn’t for that cancer – I was happy as was

I like them… they don’t really feel like me just yet? But I do feel better having them. ❤️

Either way – saved my life so whatever – I’m just less crushed having them.

Not everyone has the option or wants that choice … I had the option and I took that choice. I do not regret. I am thankful! ❤️ is a personal decision.

So big giant neon purple scar or not – I’m happy… it allowed me to not be so devastated by the cancer and all that went on ✌️

Now I just have to get used to them lol … and I have my license for boobs 😄✌️❤️

I don’t have a song for boobs lol… not a tasteful one anyway lol 😄✌️

Instead I’ll go with this one… and instead of surviving a man… I kinda hear the lyrics of this song towards my old breasts… they were like time bombs to me… they did keep coming back… I kept having to fight them… but I did survive ✌️❤️

www.youtube.com/watch

I might be little shy while I get used to them and my scars… is all new still… but I am not shy in the slightest sharing my story if it helps someone. ✌️