More than just a season…

I was talking to one of my girlfriends on the phone today.

She is that girlfriend that I wasn’t sure I could handle because she is sooo completely opposite of me.

The way she operates is that she lays everything out… boom! 😮😄… she tells you exactly how she is, who she is, what she believes, what she does… all of which have the ability to give someone like me… a heart attack lol 😄😄

I am very private and very protective, kinda isolated myself – all my trauma really put me in shut down mode.

When I first met her, it was through our daughters. My daughter is a best friend to her daughter (we just do not live close) … she was working for her parents in my town … and her daughter was having bullying problems from kids at her own school… so this mother used her parents address and enrolled her daughter in my daughters school.

Her daughter is the sweetest, kindest, well mannered, well behaved and really good girl… very smart. Kids were picking on her at her old school… so she’s quiet like me.

Well my daughter is Miss Social Butterfly lol … she knows all the kids, they all know her… she’s knows all the faculty, straight A student, in band and even arm wrestles the principal 🙄😄 she has a hilarious delightful little personality… she’s very sweet and kind and funny – likes to protect others…

The school asked me and my daughter if we were open to helping this girl around school, showing her around and just being a friend. We of course said yes, absolutely!

And that’s how that began.

Once the moms’ father died she no longer came to my town. So they went back to their own area – I stayed in touch, so the girls could still see each other … my daughter had an amazing impact on her daughter – night and day difference … her daughter used to be shy and in a shell… and my daughter helped her come out… so I just stayed in touch cause the girls love each other and I love her daughter like my own as well.

Then I got cancer… so the girls didn’t get to see each other because I was busy trying to stay alive… I was terrified and going through so much heavy stuff… I was sick and then all the surgeries… it was a lot

I had been posting about all the medical stuff on Facebook, which I used at the time… I just know there are silent people, who would read… and maybe it wouldn’t be so traumatizing to them as it was to me? So I was raw with everything…

My support with my friends and family and community was HUGE!!! I am completely humbled by how they were with me!!! I can’t even express words on that. I saw the best of humanity in those moments ❤️

Well one day I had posted about going into one of my surgeries … I posted about my fear oh boy was it a lot … I was afraid … I went into that surgery… and went into recovery room afterwards to wake up… when I started to wake up … there was that mom, making sure I was ok – she had sat in that hospital and waited. I was surprised but thankful and touched.

She kept checking on me all the time to make sure I was ok… both physically and mentally. It was nice to have someone there like that… but I still didn’t know her very well… she would bring me food, and make sure I had everything I needed… she was really there when I needed someone

So we began getting to know each other just like our daughters did…

It was a little rocky at first because she is completely different from me – like I said she lays it all out – bad and all… she wants you to absolutely see what you get and does not hold back lol … it’s not little stuff lol

She lays everything out like that because she is different and would rather someone walk away in the beginning because they can’t handle, than get close to them and attached only to have them run… which I understand.

I do appreciate that a lot… I liked her for being so upfront with me in both good and bad – I didn’t have to guess about anything with her. She does not hold anything back and is very transparent – which I wish people were like that in general

She is a very strong personality which is why I wasn’t sure I could handle, and her life is so different – most people do judge her. But she happily doesn’t care – I love that about her too!

I am severely private with my own life and protective of myself and my emotions… I have to be able to trust someone before I can allow them to come closely into my life. I have massive guards up.

She is smart, and has a lot of strength – which I watch carefully and try to absorb.

What made me put down my guard with her was how incredibly upfront and transparent she was.

There was a moment I didn’t think I could handle and I was going into my isolation from everyone… she “kept” trying to be my friend and didn’t let go… I needed that, and I appreciate that ❤️

Now she’s one of my closest friends … the moms and the daughters ❤️ I feel zero panic with her and can speak freely etc – with her – she will allow me a minute to let go of some of the emotions and release some of that pressure and I don’t have to protect myself with her in that regard… she is just a good friend.

We do have differences of opinions or views – and we can have a disagreement, work through it and move on really fast… I like that too. We can also see the perspective from another view with each other.

Is good to have someone like that in your life! I am thankful she is in my life ❤️ she came into my life in a moment I needed her. Now we are strong

Anyway… that’s the background…

Today we were talking because she is frustrated with another one of her friends lol… I laugh because she is the type of person she is – but somehow all her friends are just like me 😄😄 so we are all guarded lol

It’s funny someone so strong has a bunch of guarded people like me around them lol – so we were kind of laughing about that today.

She has a new friend whom she just laid everything out for … and they are withdrawing from her…

So I told her … don’t pressure – let them absorb what you have laid out. Just be a friend if they need, don’t overwhelm them too much, you are a good person and a good friend – it’s just guarded people are not used to someone being so transparent even with bad. It is refreshing… and they will probably absorb and accept… but you have to let them just have some time to really absorb everything you just laid out. If you overwhelm or come at them too much they will push you away, but keep offering friendship should they want it, if you want this person in your life.

Then after we talked about that… it flipped over to me 🤨lol… she tries to tell me that maybe it be good if I start trying to be more open (she was referring to my police officer friend) 🤨… I had said maybe not such a good idea – I feel pull back

I know I do have to start relaxing but I’m not there yet. I can’t let down that guard just yet… I’m not ready… I’ve thought a lot about it… I’m just not there at this moment… I have a lot I am still trying to get through – when that’s over – I’ll be more at ease

I will once I have my life calm and in a better place. I working hard towards that. So I’ll eventually come out of isolation – but right now I still need that peace for myself while I am still handling some heavy things.

I don’t look at my isolation as a bad thing – but I do see it bad in the way that I like the peace too much lol … but whatever – I am working on coming back to life… and with all this virus shutdown and isolation… life is kinda showing me… don’t forget to live life cause that can be taken away very easily.

Ughhhh … so yeah I’m trying to grasp that too. I will. But in my own time… I am still healing. I just need a little longer.

Anyway… friends are important – they keep you sane lol ✌️❤️ I enjoyed our convo today and she always makes me think … and she gives me good perspective. We help each other through things. ❤️

I am lucky to have her. ❤️ what my daughter did for her daughter – she does for me ❤️ she helps me come out of my shell little by little.

Life kinda brings people to you… sometimes it’s quick and their gone… but sometimes it’s more than just a season ❤️