My oldest (25)

So I am close to all my kids… they all know how unconditionally I love them and am there for them with absolutely anything they need … if I am able … I do whatever I can… I would give my last breath for them…

They all do anything for me too, I never doubt their love for me ever ❤️ that is 3 loves I never ever have to ever question ❤️

So anyway… I did raise them right… with morals and compassion and empathy… they are fair… and I never hold them back from their father… I have never stood in their way for that. He is their father and if they feel they want a relationship with him- I have to allow that as long as they are safe.

When I was with my ex – he took things out on me… and he has been brutal… he always want his way at any cost and does not care about anyone else. I sheltered my kids from that … because I had an amazing childhood – I wanted that for them too… so I would step in and take the abuse if it had been directed at them… and I would shield them with love and comedy to make sure their childhoods were filled with laughter as much as possible…

I have to allow my children to make some decisions for themselves. They can decide that on their own how they feel. I am not going to make that choice for them… I need to allow them the freedoms to think and learn their own lessons. They are old enough to do so…

So anyway… something has been bothering my oldest… really bad … so we were talking … he is depressed … so I was asking questions. Whatever I can do to help – I will…

Well he said his father been getting mad at him for a lot of things … and he feels stuck.

He lives at his fathers at this moment – cause my place is too tiny… and I was homeless ever since I left and got this place… I don’t understand how the courts allowed that even while I was battling breast cancer but I have had no legal counsel and my ex lies to the courts – tells them everything he ever did – it was me… I am just quiet because no one listens – so I do for myself… I will be better off eventually – I am just trying to stand up and know the courts do not protect the family at all. So I am tired. My legal counsel doesn’t care and he makes sure she won’t help me.

Anyway… he lives with his father while he is saving for a place of his own… his makes over $150,000 a year – I don’t get even $1000… try living on that in California … rent is $1600+ and then bills and food and gas … I make minimum wage… with just a high school diploma … he won’t even send clothes to my house for our daughter knowing I have nothing – that’s not even for me… is for his daughter but he is taking out vengeance … so whatever … but he makes my son pay him rent … and then makes him do everything I did too… the house the kids etc.

Well they’ve been fighting evidentially

So today I am at work and my daughter wanted to go over a friends house for a sleep over … I told her well I can’t bring you over there until after say 6:30/7pm cause I work and then same thing for Sunday.

Well my son said – I can bring her for you… I said “are you sure?” He said yeah… his work is slow and keeps letting him go early … if he gets out early he would bring her …

This morning I messaged him and said … if you wanna hang at my house after you drop her off – the door is open… feel free – what’s mine is yours always. He did not respond (was probably sleeping at that moment – was early lol)

Well I had called to check on her and she was already at her friends house – so he obviously brought her for me.

I texted him thank you ❤️

And he messaged me back saying he is hanging out at my house for a little while ❤️

Just sounds like he needs respite / some moments to himself ??

So I asked if would like to stay for dinner ?? I don’t get out til 5… and won’t be home until like 6/6:30… but would he like to stay? I will be alone tonight anyway with daughter gone…

So he’s gonna stay and chill with me ❤️ I’m gonna make him dinner

He’s getting his own place soon, but I wondering how much longer he can handle his father.

I did see this happening… my ex is like a wolf in sheep’s clothing – he will use you for everything he needs and not care about anything you need. I think my son is seeing this … I always protected them from that and I was the one who raised them and was there…

Kinda sucks my son is having a hard time … if need be … I will make the room … they will always have a safe loving home as long as I am alive. There are no conditions or demands – i am looking for a 3rd job anyway… I just love them, they are amazing kids – I am very proud! ❤️

Well on the bright side … I get to make my son dinner tonight ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ yay!!! I had them last night and again tonight ❤️❤️❤️ so I am very very excited and thrilled and happy ❤️❤️❤️

Not so much that he is sad – but he will never be sad with me❤️