Hot button issues

I have things on my mind that really bother me. Trying to think how to handle it, what to say and what I “think” myself.

Apologies in advance for some harsh feelings … touchy things for me.

So I’m always kind and understanding and accept others for who and how they are… “so I think I do”

I recently met this man… ok so understand – I’m gonna say this again… I’m not ready…

He has been very kind and friendly – but that is just sending up a HUGE red flag for me??

I am nice – but I stay away and avoid as much as possible. I don’t speak too much cause I don’t want to invite him to hit on me or try to get close to me… please don’t … I just need peace and space right now.

So anyway… I’ve been severely holding back. I don’t know why I feel massive red flags but I do…

Well tonight he emailed me… and now I just want to completely stay away from him… let me explain… this hit some really hard issues for me…

First of all, he’s catholic … not that there is anything wrong with that, or what anyone else believes … I myself am catholic … HOWEVER…

I am not a practicing Catholic… I was raised Catholic – very strictly… it’s literally all I know… but I do NOT go to church… IF I do is only for weddings or funerals or to pray BY MYSELF but I haven’t even gone by myself in years and years … it’s been forever…

And I do pray or have my own personal things I keep to myself about being Catholic … but I feel I was hurt by being Catholic … I have a love for Catholic because is how I was raised and there is a small level of comfort with it… I don’t mind my childhood memories or stories I remember

But I feel I was hurt by it because of the ways I was taught to be… I accepted far more things I should have because I was trying to be a good catholic and not commit sin… I stayed in a marriage while being hurt severely constantly because I was taught he was my husband and the man is the head of household period … you accept it – I married that man… the only way out of a marriage is if spouse committed adultery (which he did) … so then I was able to leave and get out without sin… but it’s too late and I’ve had struggle after struggle and way too much hurt.

I wanted to leave many many times and didn’t because of what I had been taught and what was expected. I stayed loyal and true.

I felt Catholic just kind of wasn’t there when I needed them… and I felt a lot of judgement and so … for myself … yes I do declare catholic because on my death bed – I want last rites …

And it’s all I know and like I said … there is a small comfort “because” is what I know – I pick and choose what I MYSELF believe and stay quiet with it. I pray and have my own ways. I never speak of religion to others and never will.

I am extremely private with religion because I have strong feelings about being raised so strictly catholic, what it taught me and how I was expected to be.

For myself now… I still pray in a Catholic way… BY MYSELF… I have no interest in going to church of any kind… I do how I do for myself and that’s it. Privately

Well this man evidentially goes to a Catholic Church 🤨… and goes ALOT!! 🤨

So he just invited me to church 🤨… no no no no no!! Not happening. So I have to think of a polite way to say that without being disrespectful… cause I kinda want to be… sorry… I just don’t want religion like that coming at me – I don’t bring it to you – don’t bring it to me. If I am interested “I will ask” …

So that’s harsh thing number one. That’s a hard one for me and I have not had to deal with Catholic stuff in a long time. I feel really hard on this one.

Then he started going into that they would have a clam bake and that Friday before lent they have a fish fry…

Ok the more he wrote – the more I felt to reject…

I do not like ANY kind of seafood… hate seafood. Find it disgusting.

So that was 2 strikes … religion and the seafood…

Then he wrote that he attends some recovery meetings …

Ok NOPE… I’m sorry… good for him he’s on the right path for him… but I want nothing to do with that or anyone who is in that… my ex is recovering alcoholic – been there done that not willing to do that again…

Sorry – I feel so harsh being that way… but that instantly flooded many things in my mind and I am just not willing to accept someone like that coming close to me in my life.

Again – happy to hear he has gotten help and is becoming strong for himself … that’s absolutely wonderful and I support that 100% … but I just can’t have that in my life what so ever

I do not do drugs and I do not drink – I do not do anything… I was hurt by every single thing he speaks about – so nope!!!

Then he tells me they have some program that helps women with kids who don’t have much…

That made me feel weird/awkward… I know he was/is trying to be kind and helpful … but his red flags are too much for me to accept.

I also feel… my own feelings are quite harsh in these areas because of what I went through and have experienced…

I can only do what is ok and what is right for myself…

I am not willing to be full on church going catholic again… I don’t believe in catholic that way. Sorry I take a really hard stance on that one. Don’t force that. It makes me run the other way if you try to force any kind of religion on me. I am not that way… just let me be

And then – there is just no way I am going to allow someone who had prior drug or alcohol issues to come close to me… I know they are healing and again am highly supportive… but keep your distance!! I don’t want that in my life in any way shape or form even if recovering – just stay away please – I am not the one for that.

I feel bad about that one – cause I know they are trying to do better … but I just can’t have that around me even if in recovery… I will never trust and always be on guard.

I can be friend and be supportive and am happy to hear are recovering – but keep distance – I just can’t handle that coming close to me sorry

And then… I am strong – i can accept help sometimes… but not here … Is just too much hurt to be able to accept anything from him or the church… I can’t and I’m doing fine – I don’t need that.

Obviously I have some issues with things. I feel harshly about religion / please just don’t try to shove upon me, even if do nicely – I have too many harsh hurtful feelings. I do not find peace with that.

I feel really bad that I can not handle (and not willing to) ANY recovering addict … they are bettering themselves and everyone has their battles – so on that level I am compassionate … I understand …

However I have some harsh hurtful feelings on that too. I was severely hurt by an addict and continue to be … I will never trust someone who has done that in the past. I do not want to worry would relapse and I don’t want to be hurt more… I just do not want to deal with it at all. I am just not willing

That makes me feel like a bad person to think that way or feel that but I can’t help it. I just can not.

And if I can’t accept him as a person to come into my life… I can not accept anything from him help or not. I also can not do that either … I appreciate the thought and the kindness … but is too much for me

So now I have to figure out how to say all this nicely. 🤨

How do you say this nicely?

Sorry please don’t share anything religious with me, I don’t like seafood, I can not have a recovering addict in my life and I can not accept your help 🤨

All of it sounds so terrible. And I feel bad, but is how I feel and what I can handle. I don’t feel comfortable with him at all now

I work very hard to dig out from all the hurt from almost everything he mentions… so this will be hard to say.

Is life pushing me again??? 🤨😠

That one email just makes me very uncomfortable!! I am not sure how to respond – too many hot button issues in one email. What the hell?

Alright well I’ll have to deal with now evidentially.

I will say and do what is right for myself … I need my own peace … he works towards his peace and what he can handle … I will do the same for what I can handle.

Bleh.