Is peace dangerous?

So the Facebook social media thing … ugh

I have a Facebook – and I used to post funny stories about raising my kids and photos of them, or things we did… a lot of stories and pictures

Before I went silent – I was posting about my breast cancer …I wanted to have people hear the remotions and thing you go through – could help someone else … I had my final surgery and boom just went silent – I needed to… even now, Facebook will text me about those memories – and I can’t handle the cancer memories – and people don’t know what I go through otherwise

I can’t bring myself to go back yet and too many people trying to message me or friend request.

I am still trying to heal – I am not there yet – I lost my father, my mother has Alzheimer’s … I lost my grandfather and my grandmother … I had cancer and was in an abusive marriage I couldn’t take anymore – so now I go through an abusive and scary divorce

I just need that peace for a moment while I process and get through things.

Well just now one of the current people in my daily life who I hold in high regards just friend requested me … I will have to explain that I am healing and do not open that.

Bleh!

I know… I’m trying to speak little by little and this blog helps – but I am just a private person in general.

The peace helps me heal… and get stronger … in 3 years I went through all I mentioned – so I just need a minute. I am not ready

I can’t – I can’t do social media at this moment – I am not ready

Life is trying to force me to speak! I am – I am trying … but there are things I am not ready for.

But I’m going to have to tell her I don’t go on and haven’t in a long time.

I only do this blog, which I do to help myself sort things out… I can think better writing it out and I wanna look back someday and read the things I thought while I was healing…

I’m still in peace mode. Just my worlds are slowly colliding.

This woman is one who always checks on me and makes sure I am ok. She is very sweet and kind.

So I think I am going to have to tell her – I am silent since my surgery. It just feels heavy to me… I’m not ready

I do get mad at myself to say “I’m not ready” … I am not ready for a man – I’m not ready for social media – there are certain things I am just not ready for yet. Still too much.

I have had so much peace – I love the peace … I want the peace

So I dunno?

I once had someone tell me… be careful of the peace – the peace can be dangerous … I heard them… and I suppose they are right??…

Cause I can’t draw myself away from having the peace – I still have things I am fighting through so I feel like I need that peace to get through it. Then I will come back?

But then I also think – won’t there always be something to get through? So then yes – peace can be dangerous – I want peace badly… so I dunno?

I just starting to speak… and it just hard. I keep saying I’m not ready – I know I’m not… I am trying to heal from so much… I just need some time – I like the peace a lot!!

Ok anyway I have to get to bed

Gnite ✌️