Laid out

Ok… so I responded to country boy 😳 lol … I kinda laid it out 😳

Women huh?

I just had to… he messaged me again this morning…

So… I just said…

You mean a lot to me. You helped me through things that were really hard, you took me away and gave me peace – I appreciate that very much and will always hold that dearly. I’m just not ready for sex, I know by saying that you can walk away again. I went through a lot… I isolated after my last surgery, and when you walked away it broke my heart and I isolated more. I can’t go through that hurt again so I just wanted to be honest with you on where I am. When you texted that, I just felt that twinge of pain again, so if you walk away I would rather you do it now… I don’t want any games and I don’t want pressure, I just want to be honest with you… I want something and if you don’t want that, I understand. My silence last night was not meant in a bad way – I just needed to think about what I wanted to say. So anyway, feel free to say what you need to say also.

I just sent that, and I probably won’t hear from him for awhile or if at all? We see

Why does it feel like another punch in the gut?? Whew – bleh

I do NOT like severe emotions

But if he can’t understand where I am then ya know – isn’t meant to be.

And as far as sex goes… absolutely I miss it… hell yeah… you have no idea how much I miss it… but I’m afraid… there is a lot to be afraid of. I need time. I want to be secure not afraid. I find peace by myself cause I can’t be hurt that way??

And don’t forget ya know the scars and stuff … no one has seen… and it’s very emotional and private to me. Not that it’s not beautiful it’s just the emotions attached to that. Once I get over that hurdle I be fine… but I want someone really special for that – it can’t just be anyone.

So I don’t know. It does feel like another punch in the gut. I don’t like this.

So… what will be, will be. We see.

I don’t have much energy for these emotions 🤨😢 … this is NOT balance

I see why I guard myself. Bleh. I just feel so many emotions rushing in, with everything. Bleh 😝 I don’t like that.

My heart feels heavy today. I don’t have any expectations and I had to lay it out. Still hard though – bleh… it’s important to me though so if he can’t understand that – then I would rather have him walk away. ✌️

www.youtube.com/watch