Closing up.

Alright so I got to work today… no one is allowed in except one employee at a time and so there really isn’t anyone to mess anything up lol … little things here and there and I still cleaned

I re-disinfected cause you can never be too careful … all door knobs anything I could think of just ya know work when was quiet for the most part.

And I just delighted my little girl with something ❤️ she’s excited

I have my I dunno ?? Essential employee paper work? So closing up now.

And then in regard to ya know – the text …

I get he has his issues too. I tried to help him with that too… but bottom line is – I’m not at ease anymore. He isn’t peace to me now… so it kinda rippled.

I try to think if I laid any of my own baggage on his shoulders … maybe? I don’t mean to … and I’m sure he didn’t either

I’m just not at ease like I used to be with him. I don’t find him peaceful like I used to? So I dunno. There is just this uneasy feeling now.

I just keep my life really peaceful or try to…

I can forgive him… and yeah I can offer friendship I think?? I will try!! My thing there is… that’s hard – I do still have feelings … I don’t want remember that hurt all the time. And ya know … I am trying to stay stable right now

I just want my own peace too… and that’s just being at ease … he can’t offer me that right now.

I wish he could – but he just can’t.

So. I dunno.

I will be nice – but there will be a distance.

Alright gotta shut down for night and head home.

Maybe back later ✌️

4 thoughts on “Closing up.”

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    1. I can forgive for the most part. Give me time and if you ask for it – I can do that… most of the time. Some I can’t

      And I do appreciate how he was with me and how he helped me through certain moments. I am thankful he was there in those times. I will always respect him and be thankful to him for that.

      So is a bit easier in a certain aspect to give “him” my forgiveness.

      He is an amazing man, I am very thankful for him being there as he was, when he was. I never forget him for that.

      I just don’t want to be on guard. So I can forgive… but I’m on guard.

      It just very important to me to be able to be at ease. I enjoy life and I don’t want that squashed because I feel uneasy.

      And I can’t be unguarded unless I can trust so … I just don’t trust.

      Forgive yes / trust no

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      2. I can forgive and speak to again, but that trust is a thing for me. I want to trust so I can relax and just be… I don’t want to ever have to worry about someone in my life in a bad way.

        But I can move forward – sorta lol

        Most of the time I forgive to get it off my shoulders and not hold on to it – I do prefer that… but again most of the time… there is some stuff I am not able to forgive yet or possibly ever.

        And I can be adult and have contact – I think? Lol … whatever

        But I will not allow someone close who I can’t trust. That’s just a really big thing for me…

        I love and give very deeply so not everyone can handle that and I can’t handle someone I can’t trust with that.

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