Whew…

Alright … so … have a little panic… I am ok for the moment because I have been working constantly… thank god!!! Omg can you imagine if I didn’t get the funeral home job!! Oh my!! So I at least have that.

One of the other school districts near us – shut their schools down too…

And then our kids… well we have many with weakened immune systems, some young ones battle cancer (yeah at their age!!), and some have severe allergies … and then some live with grandparents or have grandparents in the home…

Plus my school is a home school… most of their stuff is online anyway… so as a precaution- they shut us down.

Ok.

My principal knows my situation and is trying to see if there is anything I might be able to do at the district office. So we see. I won’t hold my breath though – but I told her – I’ll do anything, whatever they have. She will mention that and how hard I work.

Today was hard. They told me that this morning, right as I got in… but parents and kids had not been notified yet … so I couldn’t say anything at all.

So here I had this news… i was devastated – I love these kids!!! I wanted to tell them how much I enjoy them and hope to see them again soon…

One girl… my triple threat girl… she’s beautiful, street smart and intellectual… but she hides her smartness – until she met me…

I am like a second mom to her… and when I talk to her about how important her education is… she listens to me!!

We were talking about that today cause she hasn’t been turning in her work in English … so I keep telling her – turn in your work… so important!! Don’t fall behind on that… and your finals won’t stress you at as much because you grade won’t depend on just the final…

I said to her … you better hear my words – I want you to go far and I know you can… are you hearing my words ?

And she laughed and said Oh my god! I hear your words all the time!! I’ll be out with my friends and we used to get in trouble … but now… I think of you and your words … and then I do the right thing instead ❤️

I am a cheerleader for this young girl… I want her to go far… I know she can!! I hope that any impact I have made in her life stays with her.

It was really hard for me not to say anything to her… I totally wanted to tell her – I’m not gonna see you for awhile – please keep up with your work… be strong… I am gonna miss her sooo much!!!

And all these kids!! I really am attached to them… ok well … I have to lose them right now.

And then of course … the job which brings in my money… I do have the funeral home job – thank god!! And I can maybe ask if they need any help during the week while I am waiting for school.

It’s gonna be ok. I am a little let down and sad – but I understand – people are panicking. And I do want my kids all safe…

Was just really hard to laugh and talk to them today… look at their faces … and know something I can’t tell them until it’s released – but I won’t see them… they only come on Mondays and Wednesday’s … tmrw I have elementary/middle… and then Wednesday no school.

That was a hard day.

So ok… I have some time off to breathe for a minute … I’ve been going going going and working constantly … so ok… now I suddenly feel halted. I was so full steam… and then nope …

So ok… whew… I don’t know if it’s not totally sinking in or I am numb now? I do feel panic… but not overwhelmingly? I just feel like was another punch to the stomach?

But I’ll get through it.

When one door closes, another one opens right? I am just little heartbroken to lose my kids… I really love those kids!!

I got that job one month after a major cancer surgery… none of them knew – and I was broken and sad but I never showed that… these kids lit my life up… I never expected to become so incredibly attached or have them do the same with me…

While I may have made an impact on some of them… what they don’t know is that THEY made a huge impact on me too!!!

Maybe will be fast? And we be back quick? But I don’t have much hope in that? Cause it’s getting worse right?

I heard Italy completely locked up and shut down … and here is spreading fast too.

I am not sure how I feel… is this as dangerous as everyone’s panic makes it feel? Or is it just people over panicking on something like the flu? How dangerous is this?

But again… no vaccine and no preventative meds yet. So I get the danger somewhat… I just don’t know how truly dangerous this is? To shut down our schools – is pretty scary. They don’t normally do this.

So now I will take some time to figure out what to do. I think I’ll be ok… I’m a fighter – I never thought I was a fighter.

I am definitely more of a lover because I hate to fight. But I feel like I have to fight everything lately.

Ok so life wants to toughen me up – got it 🤨

God – I am gonna be so strong after all this!!! 💪 whew … so alright. Taking time to think through. It’s gonna be ok.