Having a moment …

Ughhh what a day!! We were so busy today… had a service… then have funerals on Monday and Tuesday… had to prepare everything for those… finished most but still have a lot to do tmrw … and phones kept ringing and people coming to the door!! I am exhausted!!

And while all this is going on – my lawyer messages never and tells me… she’s not going to help me if she is not paid … he is court ordered to pay her – I have nothing and barely survive with 2 jobs … I needed a 3rd which I haven’t started yet cause I am waiting on them…

Alright … so it’s just me now… and the mouse stands alone. Ok is what my situation is… so nothing I can do… I’m gonna have to go it alone and hope the court has SOME mercy… if not is what is… as long as they don’t take my daughter … they take my daughter and I give up. I’m done.

I do have a little hope, but I’m gonna be on my own. The lawyer only panicked me anyway… she didn’t help me and was really mean and bullying … I had no choice to stay with her – I could not afford a retainer on another lawyer … so she owned me.

Now I’ll just be free and be by myself

I am highly traumatized by the courts and what he has done. I am too tired to keep fighting or hoping the courts will help – they don’t and I don’t understand – I was a stay at home mom for 21 years… volunteered with a police department for 4 years… I was a good wife, good mother, good citizen.. he has alcoholism history and mental home…

He has not followed court orders – was supposed to take a drug test never did… I did … they made me take a 9 panel drug test – and I passed

You can test me for drugs and/or alcohol at a moments notice and I will pass with flying colors. I work very hard to survive through everything…

He’s left me homeless, while I lost my family and battled breast cancer … he has buried me in motion after motion in court …

It is hard for me not to cry because I am so traumatized … I love life … but I feel like I can not stand up. I just need a minute – I am not asking him to take care of me – I will do that myself – but for god sakes – I helped him get where he is, helped pay off his student loans when we first met, raised his kids, stood by him with everything. He was abusive and cheated … so I am exhausted

This is why I need peace so badly and why I isolate… I am so heavily traumatized and all I do is try to move forward.

He just takes vengeance hard – so I am tired …

I go it alone. That breaks my heart so much!! 😢💔 sorry … she overwhelmed me today at work with that… I did cry for a quick minute … but quickly recaptured myself because I am at work. I have to stay strong – I can’t lose it yet.

So I fight once more on those final court days … all I can do is hope for the best. But I am tired – if you take my daughter I have nothing and I give up.

I am upset, and exhausted.

I can’t believe I was with someone so evil… and stayed through it all… that was my fault … but I didn’t I wouldn’t have my younger 2 … so I don’t know how to feel on that – they are my life.

I am heartbroken and terrified and traumatized tonight.

So I don’t know what else to say – having a moment 💔