Emotions ☹️ bleh

I got a job interview. I already have a job at the school which I love sooo much… but my lawyer says isn’t good enough…

So I’ve been applying to other jobs… I got a job interview today that will happen on Monday at 11am.

It will be in addition to the job I already have – and I can still get my daughter to and from school and neither job will interfere with the other.

I was excited… really happy … I’ve been working really hard… I was thrilled!!!!

I told my lawyer about the job interview and her response was …

Well better than nothing.

No matter what I do, it’s never good enough.

I felt so excited to have an opportunity and in a second she made me panic and cry 😭

The first lawyer took off with my money, this one doesn’t fight for me or care no matter what I do.

If I say anything about fighting for me – she threatens to leave as my lawyer … and in court that would be bad. So I am quiet.

I struggle as it is… I could go for another lawyer but I can barely make it now… and I would need a retainer.

And she tells me if I go for another lawyer that’s going to look bad on me too.

I was so thrilled and excited – now I just feel let down, panicked and scared.

I don’t know how to do this 😭 I don’t understand the courts at all.

And then… all my friends are reaching out … I have a lot of police friends – they are reaching out now too…

If I don’t respond to them, I don’t want to worry or have them doing a welfare check or anything …

One of my police messaged me today right after the lawyer burst my happiness bubble…

He said … hey, Thinking of you, how are you?

So I just responded and said “surviving, how are you?”

Normally I am happy and bubbly… but he caught me in a moment when I was crying…

We chatted on text for a moment and I was pretty quiet … not really giving a lot of information…

And then he said … well I miss your face

I said back… I miss your face too! And he sent me a funny face photo that made me laugh for a minute

He can always make me laugh!! Always

And then he said … well just know that I miss you and I’m here for you.

That just made me burst into tears!! Thank god he couldn’t hear or see me.

I had to take a minute to respond cause I was crying too much… I just said … thank you for that, I miss you too 😘

Anyway… my kids are almost home and we have family night… I don’t want to look like I’ve been crying so I gotta clean up my face.

I am struggling! I am tired. I’ll get through it – but I’m exhausted and I try really hard.

I wanna reach out so bad – but I feel silenced ??

I do appreciate everyone asking if I am ok. My heart bleeds to have them again… I just feel silenced ??

Ok I have to clean my face ✌️