Dinner?

Whoa! Some strong winds here – and rains, and it’s cold. When is spring again?? Omg It’s still December!

Yeah yeah… don’t wish my life away, I know. I just miss the sunshine and being outside!! Cabin fever today!!

Someone I just met at a holiday party, asked me on a date for this coming Saturday – I haven’t given an answer yet.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I am ready for anything yet.

I do actually like this man though… he seems like a gentleman …we have the same type of demeanor and we like the same things, I think he is respectful funny and kind. I just met him so I don’t know him well though …

I’m just kinda nervous and I don’t know. I don’t think I am ready … it just pisses me off when I keep saying that. I am holding myself back.

Life is experiences right… maybe if wasn’t a date? That feels like a little pressure and makes me feel nervous. I don’t think I am ready for a date? I feel nervous

Maybe just … hey, wanna grab coffee? Wayyyyyy better lol

Instead he’s like … let’s go out on Saturday night… 7pm… what would you like Mexican, Italian or Chinese

Ummm … so that’s gonna be a date – that did not give me a moment to turn him down lol – I did not expect that. I did actually like his confidence!

I like my life kind of peaceful right now?? Am I ready for someone to come in or be in my life ?? I don’t know. I feel panic with that.

However … I do have moments where I will panic about something … but will be one of those things in life you must do… so I am forced …

I will do what I have to do, even if I don’t like it. Like for example… I don’t like the doctors office … ughhhhh … if you could only hear that groan! I hate it there!!! I hate the smell, I hate going there, I just don’t like going to the drs.

Or courts … ughhh …

Yeah I don’t like those things!!! I would like to avoid them – but I can’t. I have to adult 🤨 dammit!!!

And I’ll go… and then sometimes isn’t as bad as I thought… and a weight is lifted

So … could be same here?

I like who this man is so far, so that’s a good point to start with.

Maybe not this weekend though, cause I have the kids all here and I don’t want to miss a moment with them. It’s the weekend in between the holidays. I just met him – that’s too fast!!

I’m kinda scared to move forward – I was with my ex since I was 17… I was 44 when we separated 3 years ago. Was a horrible marriage.

And ya know – life beat me up there for a minute. So I’m trying to breathe.

And there was Jack, I let my guard down with Jack… he never became part of my life – but he was really close, just as in friendship. I just don’t trust him now, and I don’t want what he wants. I don’t even speak to Jack anymore. Haven’t since the beginning of November? That wasn’t meant to be.

I know life is going to throw things at you to make you grow… so ok… I could do dinner. Maybe. We see – “next week” – not this week… “MAYBE!”

A maybe is good… it’s not a no.

Like I said, I have my life really peaceful right now – I kinda really like that at this moment …

So I guess that’s what I mean when I say … I don’t think I am ready…. that has the possibility of causing ripples in my life.

I don’t want to waste his time if I’m not ready. That’s why I always turn people down, and keep to myself. And I want to go slow. I need slow!! Sllllllooooowwww!!!

Like when you are trying to get a scared animal to come to you, no fast movements… earn their trust, so they don’t bolt.

If he is ok with NOT doing THIS weekend, but MAYBE “next”… and can accept just friends for now – then ok, I will give a chance.

I just feel on guard so?? I dunno what’s wrong with me.

Makes me nervous.

I guess it’s just that… do I want someone coming in close ?? Am I ok with that?

I don’t know??

It’s just a dinner – not a marriage proposal (thank god!) … so should be fine right?

I never go out with anyone. I don’t give the time of day usually … if I keep to myself then I have peace… I really do like that peace

And I’ve never really dated. I was 17 the last time. So just way different now.

But I suppose I can try life a little bit … new year coming … that might be a good thing?

He was able to avoid me telling him an “immediate” no… so that’s a first. That was clever.

I’m on the fence … on one hand – try for a minute… it’s not a big deal – is dinner.

But it is kind of a big deal for me?? Bleh

Yeah let’s just go with “Maybe” for now. I will think about it.

Gnite ✌️