Pain with Rain

It’s rainy again today. I hurt today. They say sometimes it’s because of the barometric pressure when you have had surgeries ?? I don’t know if that’s true – but I do really hurt.

It’s my breasts. My left side, the side I call my good side, is only hurting slightly. My right breast is hurting massively! That was the breast that had a lot of trauma and cancer. Many surgeries on that side. I have a big scar that goes from the cleavage at the top of my breast, all the way to my underarm – and they took lymph nodes too. That whole breast and area is bothering me really badly today. The pain is on my mind because it’s constant.

Breasts were never a big part of my life before and now I am getting used to them always being a thing 🤨…

Here is something kinda weird … maybe is normal – I have no idea… I have had a full mastectomy, both sides – and reconstruction. It’s cold out … my body heat is normal… but my breasts are cold!!!!!!! 🤨 I don’t understand that.

Before all this happened, I had worn those breast forms once or twice for a special occasion or whatever – I am thin. But they always heated up to body heat… these are INSIDE!! Why are they not heating up??

They took everything. Nerves and all – so I have no feeling. I can feel the coldness when you touch them. (Or if they hurt or ache – I just had the final surgery in July) – on a quick side note- sometimes I get itches that I can’t get to because these things are in the way!!!!!!!!!! I still getting used to it. Just different. I am happy I did the reconstruction though…

I would do it again despite everything… I needed it for me. Thank god I did – because after the mastectomy – well let’s just say if I ever posted those pictures anywhere – you immediately can feel emotion. My whole chest was gone and purple with tubes and ugh just awful. That makes me cry to remember – so yeah I would do the reconstruction again. Just still getting used to. They do look nice… better than I had before. Was emotional to go through and then getting use to them is a little weird. I have silicone, so they are soft and feel nice. I didn’t want the saline because the shell had ridges and it didn’t feel nice… my body would have rejected that in a second lol … but I like them. They help me feel better personally. Still emotional though. I don’t date yet, so only doctors, girlfriends and my oldest son has seen them (he took care of me after my final surgery)

But yeah, I hurt today a lot. I should probably call the doctor. In my mind, all I want to do is try that online doctor again lol… can I just do that??

One thing I hate… every since I was having lumps and issues … these drs (thousands of them) have to keep touching me!!! I don’t like that!!! Every-time I went in, was a different doctor. They all had to touch and feel and poke, blah blah blah. I used to be modest… but that desensitizes you. I really hated it!!

I once took my 12 year old to the dr with me… because it is good for her to know… and if I can teach her about these life things now – maybe won’t be so scary if she ever has to go through.

So she came with me, I got in my robe. The doctor came in and he was touching and stuff – behind him, I see her making judgmental faces lol… so I am trying not to laugh while the doctor is doing his thing lol.

After the appointment I asked her what she was thinking and she had one word… “creeper” lol

I said “well he’s helping me – that’s his job“

And she said… “I bet he only became that kind of doctor so he can touch boobs” 🤨🙄😄 she’s too funny – she makes me laugh so much ❤️ my little lady ❤️

After being desensitized, I once said … why can men be without a shirt when some have man boobs? But women can’t?

One of my sons said, “because mum… no one gets turned on by man boobs” lol …I got funny kids ❤️ point taken lol

One bonus thing that I get from all this – is I NEVER have to have a mammogram done again!! They can’t now. Yay!!!! Wooo hooo!!! But I do have to do chest X-rays in replacement of – but I will take that over mammograms any day!!!

So ok… I probably should call my actual doctor ☹️ … I am hesitating because I don’t want to. I don’t want to be touched or bothered or deal with it, or see a doctor. So yeah I should probably call while I think I have the nerve.

I might be back later, this is not what I wanted to write about today… I’m just in pain so it’s on my mind. 🤨 bleh