Getting through it

It’s early in the morning here. Everyone still sleeping.

I used to be one of those teenagers who wanted to sleep all the time… ahhh sleep! I could never get enough sleep back then. I would never be up early like this!

I have aged now … work or not … I have an internal alarm 🤨

I pop up early, see the time and DON’T want to get up – try to force sleep. That doesn’t work. So I just get up, make my coffee and then I get to enjoy some peaceful time for a minute. So that’s nice. However, it does give me an aged feeling 🤨…

I’m up before the crack of dawn, and then also, I go to bed kinda early, especially right now, when gets dark at 4:30/5pm!!! I go to bed most of the time by 8 or 9… sometimes I will push it later but not usually.

I like schedule and routine … for myself. I don’t force it on others. But for myself, I like consistency, safety, familiar, etc

It’s just funny. I’m old-ish now. I don’t mind – it’s peaceful … ahhh is that another sign of oldness? Actually liking it lol

But anyway, just thinking about stuff. I’m going to have a lot of massive changes this next year coming up. Whew!

My divorce should be handled. It’s been 3 years of horrific-ness! Even during my breast cancer battle, he was horrific. I had stress from all over – I was emotional and he was horrible… think he hoped I would die? I didn’t. I held it together. I kinda see light now? Possibly? Hopefully!

I have an oncologist… because of the cancer, they have to watch me. 🙄 (I really hate doctors and being poked and hurt and traumatized) I know SOME are helping – but not all. I just don’t like it… but my oncologist makes me laugh… he always says to me … I don’t know what stresses you out but you need to NOT have stress in your life.

HA! Funny man – yeah ok I’m working on that. Life is always going to have stress – but I will say this has been the worst and most stressful 3 years of my entire life!!

I have worked very hard to get through all that, finish with the cancer and reconstruction, get myself a job and then get a home. That’s not even mentioning the other massive events that went on!

I did that! I struggle really bad. First time ever in my life. I have always been a humble person, always! But with all this it’s humbled me to the core. I also do not trust because of that. I used to believe in trust… now I don’t trust. I used to believe in so much

But you know what they say, life is an adventure. So you ride it.

Along my adventure, I’ve met amazing people! And I have incredible friends! I could not have survived without the people in my life, not just saying that! I am grateful and thankful! Without them, I have no idea where I would be… you definitely need friends!

Before technology… people used to interact more – it took a village remember? It does! I would not have survived without my village people lol.

Once I stabilize life a little better, get through that divorce, handle my medical, be more secure and stable… once that’s all done… I think my life is really going to just be incredible! I will have my life back ❤️ (well with the exception of the occasional dr visit – I don’t sob anymore lol)

I do cherish life and love life always… even the little things… life can change in an instant! So take it all in!

I think this coming year – my sun is going to shine again!!! I can kind of feel a peace coming? Hard to explain? I just feel like I can do this. I am doing this. I’m almost through it!! Yay!!!

Struggle builds character right? …and in a roundabout way, I am thankful for my experiences – it gives me understanding, compassion and empathy, also there were lessons I did need to learn for my own self – I am learning- always

Even with the bad events, at that moment it was bad… but afterwards something good always came from it… when my dad died – that was devastating and hard. Even as I write that I start to cry.

But he died so we could help my mom – with Alzheimer’s – they kept that hidden from family and friends. We didn’t find out until after he died.

So things happen – it’s the circle of life … don’t think you can escape it. Take it as it comes, breathe, it will pass and then the sun comes back. Just do the best you can, we are only human. Everyone has a struggle. It’s ok. You get through it

I have always been strong as a person… but I was never strong to “survive” – I am now. Kinda… I waver lol … it’s really hard!

Well anyway.. ok shower time

Enjoy the day!