Stepping back…

So I told Jack, I wanted to step back.

I had my first red flag with him, and then … well… I’ve been in love with him – and sometimes love gives you blinders… until something smacks you upside the head…

That word “effort” just concerns me, and the things he talked about. I am looking at him different. I still enjoy him, and he really does melt me… I just see red flags for the first time ever.

That is not the kind of love I want in my life. I don’t want that heaviness or stress… maybe it’s me? I don’t want to be thought of as effort, and most definitely by anyone I love.

So he’s not right for me. I might love him because he has always been amazing, and like I said he melts me. I feel a fire with him. He has helped me get through some really dark times.

The effort thing… is a deal breaker for me… and then he’s not sure if he want what I want ? But maybe later …

Yeah no… I am not a scarf hanging on the hook, to wear when you feel like it. What is that?

He has been there for me emotionally and kept my head up… so on friendship level – I’m cool, but step back.

It’s not that I need or am looking for anything at this moment. I have a lot on my plate I am trying to survive through. (As everyone does)

And I do believe – what will be, will be. Things happen for a reason. Good and bad. We need to learn lessons.

He is a good man. Just not the man for me. I don’t want to be “effort” – I want to be love.

Fairy tale right? I just want to be happy – whether that means with someone or without. I am a kindhearted, beautiful, and learning to be strong woman – I know my worth.

I am happy not being hurt, or yelled at, or treated badly. That’s always a bonus. I feel peace without that.

I just take a strong stance – either you want to be there or you don’t – if you don’t – there’s the door.

In my mind, I’m trying to piece together how we view things – I have my hurt and he does too. I don’t want to waste my time with someone who feels that I am any kind of effort – and he doesn’t want to put any effort into someone… I know the fear is being hurt – so we both hurt

But I still want to step away, and I am still bothered by that word effort. And I don’t want to just accept whatever – you either love me or you don’t

Ahhhh see ?? I take a really hard stance on that … and then him with his effort thing

So in regards to being hurt – I can understand why we both have these strong things lol

But for the first time, I don’t think he’s right for me. So I step back. For now. I always just want peace. I don’t ask or demand for anything… I am very laid back, enjoy life and am understanding and accepting. So I feel, if it doesn’t feel right – it’s not. It doesn’t feel right – I am glad I went slow.

It still hurts but ya know, life right? We go through things. Hopefully we learn and take away good lessons.