Balance

So let’s see – last night was bad stuff – so let me balance that with good …

I like to keep a balance in my life – I can’t have too much heavy, without a balance of good… I am a comedy type person – I like comedy movies and funny things – I can have a little warped sense of humor sometimes… for me comedy really saved my life and kept me strong too … it helped keep me balanced.

Here is the balance in my life – some of them anyway …

I have my own kids, besides the kids at school … my boys are grown (25 & 18) but I am still raising a 13 year old… “girl” that is also very fun!!

First of all, I watch her grow up, and I can remember myself … all the girl stuff

But then oh no! I have to go through it again – on the other side lol … but is hilarious and we are very close

She’s gonna be an amazing woman one day… she’s a good smart girl… I’m so proud of her always!! I love all my kids very much!!! They are all amazing… they are my worlds

No one said they were allowed to just grow up lol… but they did… sometimes I wish I could freeze or slow time and savor every second!

… And I do love working with kids… Oh my god! It’s amazing!! I don’t have to have all my guards up, nothin. Just peace and kids … I laugh and have fun with them … make them laugh or smile… even the shyest ones have taken to me. I really adore them!! I love this job!!!

And then… Jack has been away for a week – and I really miss him. He is the one I wanna run to when I want to share things.

I am in love with Jack and I want Jack. I want him bad. Not yet though – I’m not ready

I know.. that’s confusing… even to me… I am in love with him – yes… I do want him – yes… but I’m not ready.

Not really sure what holds me back … just not ready – but he IS the man I want, absolutely and completely… Done and done.

I am attracted to him like no other … I just have a perma- smile on my face at all times when I am around him… and his voice just melts me! Makes me weak in the knees

His touch is gentle and caring, never wants to overstep… he knows I’m guarded so he steps easy.

I tell him my daily stories and things I think – I can tell him pretty much anything! He just listens and let’s me. He actually listens too… he pays attention to my stories and loves them…

So to recap that… I’m attracted to him, he’s amazing, and I love him… but I am not ready 🤨… I want to be ready but that makes me nervous … I’m just not ready. We have to do things in own time right? So whatever

I know I will be. Someday just not yet. I do want him badly though. I don’t look at any other – I want him. Done and done lol … I know he is who I want – I couldn’t be more sure

And I trust him and enjoy him… so what the hell is my issue? I know that a life with him would be amazing …

He is attracted to me… and when we are together – there is this incredible fire – I want that – yes please lol

But I’m just nervous… I want all that, totally … but am I nervous because of my past? Or am I nervous because I don’t ever want to lose that with him… I want that love and desire for him always!! I want that fire

And then… I dunno… I just haven’t let anyone that close either since my ex… I am highly guarded

So yeah I am not ready for big things yet… just let me breathe a minute … but he better prepare cause I want him lol

But ya know… I also think … well when am I gonna be ready if I am so sure? Cause you know life is quick and short … I know this… so ??

Yeah I don’t know? But it makes me nervous… I want to get over that

Well anyway… I will eventually – I am learning still. Always

Alright well I have to get to bed … Early day and I keep staying up late lol – usually I am asleep way before now!! Lol oops whatever … couple nights … I wake in the morning and say … ughhh I gotta get to bed earlier lol … but this week that’s not happening

Ok – have a good night ✌️