Last night after work, I came here to my girlfriends house. I am still here.
She went to the doctors this morning to learn the results of some biopsies. 🙏 please god be good! 🙏
I think she will be ok, because when I had cancer – when those tests came back they jumped on me and it went so fast, my head was spinning… they don’t mess around with cancer. It doesn’t seem like that for her. So hoping she be ok 🙏
Her neighbor worked on my car and replaced my oxygen sensor. I am watching her kids at this moment – one is still sleeping lol … the other is up watching anime lol
When she comes back the neighbor wants to just make sure car is good … going to see is check engine light comes back on so he wants to test drive it.
So I’ll have that squared away by this afternoon and get to go home. I have to really start pouring into my court case.
Today is pretty beautiful… sunny and will eventually be 85 ❤️ perfect and IN JUNE!! Kinda unusual for my area
2020 is the year where nothing is how you know it to be 😮
Back in 2012… my oldest was a senior in high school… like many he got sucked in by all the hype with the Mayan Calendar… which I guess just stopped on December 21, 2012… the day the world was supposed to end 😄
He used to say to me… why do I have to do anything if the world will end anyway? lol
I used to tell him … well “just in case” cause what happens if is wrong and you didn’t do anything? Keep going like you gonna live forever – when your life ends – that’s when you can do nothing ✌️
We laugh about that now, and he listened ❤️
I try to think about that. Sometimes you feel like all is lost… but it isn’t yet… not if you keep trying. And we have the ability to keep trying
Anyway. Have a lot am working on lately. ✌️
Off subject… small little morning gripe… I have a older apple iPhone 🤨 … while I love the iPhone – I am NOT an android person 😝 … hate androids IOS 😝😝😝
If I find something I like – I just want that. I am loyal …when I find something I really like for whatever reason – I stick with it… I’m the same with coffee and things like that. Just hard core loyal
That’s not to say there are not things I find annoying with Apple 🤨 …
Apple does these updates and every time they do… my battery sucks more and more!! Stop it Apple!! I’m not buying the new stuff 😠 – so rude! I love their iOS but they are jerks for depleting my battery with every update, trying to force me to go new 🤨😠
This morning they evidentially released a new update 🤨… so all morning long – every 5 or 10 minutes … it’s popping up with a stupid notification that I have an update it will automatically install “tonight”
It does not need to keep telling me that over and over – I hope that’s not gonna be an all day thing 🤨 that’s really annoying!! Just install – stop telling me! They do it automatically anyway… there is no need to constantly tell me that.
But whatever – that’s apple for you 🤨 every time it reminds me of the update – I think of my battery 🤨
Alright we are going for a test drive – girlfriend back and all is well – she just needs more tests 🙏 please god let her be ok 🙏
Well… this morning I paid for not being able to fall asleep… that alarm went off and I was like “I can’t even” lol ugh
I really love this shirt ❤️ it’s light and airy… it’s really sexy and yet classy…
There is one thing I do not like… same with the Elvira shirt… they have these teeny tiny buttons on the back – up the neck because the lace goes into a choker on my neck… so I have to do those teeny tiny buttons
That is a feat in itself!! I do not have reaching capabilities with my right side… it was very difficult!! So that’s my gripe… can I please have larger buttons, or snaps or Velcro lol… something easier!!!
But otherwise looks and feels amazing ❤️ sometimes I am bothered by lace – but so far seems ok.
😮😳 I just looked outside … sorry I am superstitious…
3 crows 😳 just makes me nervous. 3 crows has always been bad… it means death 🤨
I know I am at a funeral home but that’s different … it just is. I am here all the time, it’s always about death. 3 crows don’t just show up.
I know… it’s just a superstition… I have those…
I also fully bought the one with Babe Ruth putting that curse on the Red Sox
Cause yes… there was!! But they beat that. ❤️
But the crow thing… I heard that superstition many times before … and every time I had a loss – right before that there was always 3 crows – I brushed it off… and then it smacked me for not listening …
When I see exactly only 3 crows – it just makes me nervous – something or someone in my life is going to die … there are a few in my life who “could” actually pass and I would be devastated.
I’ll go around calling them just saying “I love you” lol just incase ✌️
If it’s wrong oh well, but just incase it isn’t 😳 I don’t like crows! Go away!! ugh they are still here!!
I should be in bed… but obviously I am not… well, I am but I should be sleeping lol
I’m not very sleepy. But I have to work tmrw …
Also… the girlfriend that I took care of last week… she lives nearby to my work… she wants me to pack an overnight bag and come stay with her after work…
She went and bought a part my car needs – the oxygen censor… and is having her neighbor install it.
I asked her how much it was so I could pay her back…
And she said… is an early birthday present. You aren’t paying 😮
Awww … my birthday is next month, that was really sweet
She also wants to cook me dinner for helping her last week.
So ok – gonna do that after work tmrw. She always makes sure I am ok… she thinks I don’t eat… I do… she just thinks I’m too skinny …
I eat… but I also stress lol ✌️
She is always trying to feed me lol
She’s a really good friend ❤️ very lucky and blessed to have her in my life ❤️
She thinks I should date. I do not think that lol
Right now I do not have the umm??? I dunno … I am dealing with too much to even think about adding more drama 🤨 lol
I need to get all my stuff situated then I will be in a better place and be more open? I think.
But I’m still not the dating type
I am just not that way ?? Is too much
I just want peace? And I don’t want to have to guess who someone is…
I am the type who does better when you get to know them first.
Once I am comfortable or enjoy a person then yes ok…
I’m just not the type to be dating … I look like I am that type but I am not.
I feel if someone is meant to be in my life – I will cross their path or they will cross mine. I don’t have to search for it… if it is supposed to be… then it will happen. I would prefer it like that anyway.
For now, while I am handling things – I just go with that.
If someone catches my eye then we see what happens – but I don’t think about it until my friend says stuff.
Maybe she thinks I need a distraction? … I also do not need that at this moment lol ✌️
Anyway… I suppose I should force sleep 😝 I’m not in the mood for sleeping. But I have work and going to friends house after that…
Should be beautiful tmrw 85 and sunny ❤️
Oooohhh yeah!!! She gave me the cutest shirt last week … I will wear it tmrw…
The top part is black and peach colored lace … then is a bustier that is kind of a half top? But at the bottom goes back into that black and peach lace – it’s both sexy and also elegant!! Yay! Hopefully is comfortable 🙏
I am bringing a back up shirt just incase lol
Ok well going to attempt to force sleep. Gnite 😘✌️
Hello… I was too exhausted last night after kids left to write about Friday night… it was an exhausting week…
So they came over and oldest brought his new game lol… I told my daughter before they got here … watch it’s gonna be Japanese lol
This boy has an obsession with Japanese Manga type games lol… but he is really good at them!!! The rest of us – not so much lol … they are very detailed
When he walked in we laughed and I said “is that a Japanese game?” Cause the cover looked like all the other games he had 😄😄
And he laughed and said NO! It’s not Japanese – it was made in America lol
It was this game with runes? And battles lol … might be American made – but it’s still right up his alley lol – not much different lol
By the end of the game – I finally understood how to play 😄😄✌️
He is very into his games and things. ❤️
When they first got here – I was watching a documentary… lol … it was about “The Last Russian Princesses” 👸… that story is just fascinating but also sad… that history is incredible!
The kids were like – ugh documentary? Lol … umm yeah!!! It’s interesting… but I shut that off, so we could be together ❤️
We put on a graduation and we thought was gonna be stupid and boring … but it was hilarious 😄😄😄 fricken class of 2020!! …
The would read off the names… and show the students photo… then some students sent in a video… these kids were hilarious …
Some attached a Tik Tok video of themselves 🙄😄 … I am not a Tik Tok person lol – I find those kinda dumb (sorry I’m old ✌️)
Everyone looking for attention nowadays lol… whatever
But some were hilarious… some would imitate a viral video? Those were really funny …
Some were purposely funny… and others would be serious but it would still be funny! ❤️Lol
They did a really good job with it… I was impressed.
I had said – “ohhh I will have to order a copy”
And the kids said “no you don’t have to order a copy mum… it’s on YouTube”
So I said… “well just in case YouTube goes out of business”
They laughed at me … “they say” I’m like some YouTube’ers videos about his mom …
The kids say YouTube is never going out of business because their platform is a good one- nothing else like it
Yeah well… every great empire falls. Don’t ever think a reign won’t end. So I will order one lol 😄✌️
Also … some of these kids did videos with music in it … YouTube strict and I don’t want them flagging for copywrite 🤨 bleh!!!!
So whatever – I like to just have it! Then I don’t have to worry about it going away. “Just incase”
So we had fun… we played this American… but very familiar to his Japanese game lol … by the end I finally understood what I was doing lol – Ironic lol
And we laughed a lot at the graduation … we should just do that… cause who wants to go sit through boring crap with tons of people… speaker after speaker usually sitting out in the hot sun getting burned … waiting only for one person lol … and graduations are never funny or enjoyable usually …
And ALL get to enjoy it… even kids who don’t have family or support ?? They still got to enjoy and not feel bad ❤️ PLUS family and friends from all over everywhere gets to watch!!!
Walking across the stage is momentous – but the hard work is not for recognition… but for your own advancement in life – what really matters is you got through that, and you made it! And 2020 had to contend with Coronavirus…
So on that last day… they did not know would be their last day… and there was no prom, there was no senior ditch day, there was no normal graduation …
So life likes to switch it up – you have to roll with what comes … they missed out on some very traditional events – but the year will be memorable nonetheless, and they still have their achievements for themselves ❤️
This graduation video was awesome – they did an amazing job… we enjoyed it! Congratulations Class of 2020! 🎊 🎓 🎊
It rained last night when the kids were all here… like downpour!! 😮 … so weird for California in June!!! Where am I? Lol
I will take it though – I always love summer rain ❤️❤️❤️
But it chills off… last night was freezing 🥶… and it’s cold today!!
Our high today is only 75! Yes I do say “only”… because I was just in the 100’s … my body is trying to adjust lol … hot cold hot cold omg pick one!!!
But it is nice to get a break from being cooked! Lol
Anyway… I am mellow today… happy but mellow.
I have a few things to do… but I be back a little later 😘✌️
Yesterday, I was emailing back and forth with my lawyer, because she wants me to sign that paper – releasing her from my case… I have to actually sign it or she will remove herself and that will look bad on me…
But I told her I would only sign – if she gives me a letter stating he has not paid… and she did.
I will have to sign and mail paper to her.
I then asked … so do we still have court tmrw?
She said that HIS lawyer said nope – just check in on the phone.
She supposably did that. And she tells me courts are closed… nothing set…
Ok… but ya know what… the website says something different … the website says courts are in service and I even found our name scheduled for the hearing today!!
Both lawyers said “No Need” to go!!! She told me the court website was incorrect!!! She even told me they not open yet!!! She’s a fuckin lawyer telling me this!!!
I have ALL of that in writing ✍️
It still didn’t sit well with me… and ya know what… what’s a little time? I can give my time to just make sure. I DON’T TRUST!!
So I go… I’m there first thing…
I was only 3rd in line to get in courthouse… everyone was keeping distant even outside… and everyone had masks on.
I wore my black and pink breast cancer mask ❤️
They came up to me and asked if I was here for Hearing or county clerk… I said ummm well I’m not sure – is family court currently operating and taking cases?
Yes!! They were!!!! Told me to go right in… so I did… I found the courtroom that was scheduled like it said online…
And sure enough at 8:30 those doors opened… so I went in.
They had the seats 💺 all quarantined… you could sit in one seat but the next 3 were blocked off and open seat … like this
💺 ❌❌❌💺❌❌❌💺
So no one was near me… thank god … I didn’t want anyone near me.
I sat there in the corner, just quietly waiting as they went through cases… I paid attention to everything that was said in every case.
I was the last case to be called… I stood up, and they asked are you the only one here?
Yes, I am. Neither attorney showed up… and neither did he.
I’m pretty sure they banked on me not going. So that trial would be set and I’d be fucked.
Because I showed up… and I was the only one respectful of the courts time… I bought myself time. ❤️
I had a moment all to myself with none of them there ❤️
I was able to freely speak ❤️ for the very first time!!! And I was confident – I didn’t cry ❤️❤️ of course none of them were there – they all intimidate me…
I had my voice today ❤️
I told them what was happening and that I needed to take over the case myself and I didn’t really understand things well? So I would like to request time to prepare.
So no trial set. I have time.
The only thing I am nervous about… is now I am without legal counsel … so when I am defenseless he throws motion after motion at me. Until I am buried and I don’t know what I am doing! He is ruthless
He throws everything and anything you can think of at me… so I am a little worried … he is trying to crush me. He’s not playing.
So I just worry a little – Time is good but he could also take full advantage – his lawyer is slimy
They are both disgusting human beings. I don’t speak harshly about anyone!! Except them… cause you don’t even know!! A 20+ year marriage.
He has history of drugs alcohol violence and has been in a mental institution for wanting to attempt suicide… yeah all of that is true and yet here is where I stand … he has been dirty … he was always dirty. I just didn’t see that ☹️
Anyway… I breathe today ❤️… thank god I trusted in myself and went anyway… at the very least I thought … I’m gonna have to do this myself anyway… so if I go and is open – I learn… if I don’t go, he could fuck me more
And I have never spoken before today ❤️. My lawyer always said “keep your mouth shut, it will look better on you” I listened and I got beat up!!
Today was the first time I spoke and freely without intimidation ❤️
So then – on my way home I ran into my landlord and her friend… I was telling her… and I just kinda have always kept my story quiet because – ya know… it’s a lot and how??? How is any of it even possible??!!! Severe abuse of the justice system.
And he’s purjured himself also… cause I can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt who I am vs what he says. That’s illegal – he made those statements under oath.
So yeah – I have quite the case.
Anyway… I spoke up and just started going over every single thing that happened … my landlord and her friend sat there with their jaws dropped!
They making some phone calls, for 2 matters … to see if any lawyer be willing to help me… and then also an advocate groups who will go after the first lawyer who took off with my money… and this lawyer for not fighting for me… if I lose this – an advocate group go after … I don’t have hopes – no one has helped me yet. I’ve had no protection
The first lawyer I would have to bring up to the state bar… it $450 right off the bat just to file that.
So anyway… I spoke up. It went well…
I won’t tell my story… I will tell my demands first… this is exactly what I want!
And ooooohhhh do I have a list. I want my medical for the rest of my life! Period – I know that’s rare but I’m gonna ask for that- I have had cancer and surely through all this he has shaved years off my life
I’m gonna ask for everything I want …
He’s obviously never going to agree with anything… he wants me broken…
So go ahead – ask me for my story… I’m gonna have it all laid out!!! It’s shocking.
But yeah… he could just beat me up in motions… so… I just have to be together solid… and prepare this perfectly – no errors!!!!
If you actually even just actually opened the file – you could see how bad it was!!!
I am pretty sure he banks on being able to crush me! And he might… but I’m gonna try for myself and see …
And I think… no one in the legal areas or the courts has protected or helped me… and I don’t understand these things…
And I just think it’s time for me to protect myself or try to?? I don’t trust anyone now… so I protect myself pretty well with guys…
I can do this… I can at least try ✌️
And then also… I have never been allowed to speak… I now have no one telling me to “keep my mouth shut”
So now I have freedom to go for the jugular! He should be very worried !!
He underestimates my strength. But he will probably to try to intimidate.
But see … I got my first court win today… and none of them were there – not even by phone! So my strength grows.
Watch it… yeah I might have an element of danger lol … when you back an abused animal into the corner… it will attack to get out.
So that will happen ✌️😘 if anything I will go down fighting…
He could have just been a human being… and we could have worked together – I am workable- I will work with you… I can work with anyone – except him.
Instead he was ruthlessly and brutally awful…
Well hopefully – I think I can? Let’s see how strong I am. 😘✌️
In this entire case… I have never once lied… I have never thrown mud… I have never spoken… I have never played dirty
I don’t have to. He has constantly lied, says horrific things about me just to make sure court has that… true or not, to try to make me look horrible. He has zero morals and plays really dirty and also does not believe any rules or orders are for him… he is in contempt of court in several areas.
The only thing… I worry for my daughter… cause this is going to get ugly. I will have to maintain a little mercy for her behalf.
He didn’t care about me with that here, crushing me… but he doesn’t care about the kids – only himself…
While he is literally the only person alive I actually feel hate towards… I have never “hated” anyone before !!! He’s the first. Hopefully the last!!! I hate hate!!!
I think about the fact that he is the kids father and thats where my mercy comes from – for them. Only for them.
But I don’t know. I’m not going to go easy. I’m going for the jugular now… All I have to do is tell the truth and lay out what I want… I will have my evidence and my story to back up every single thing! Ask me for my story – go ahead
So who’s gonna win… good? Or evil? Let’s see
I am little nervous trial would be by telephone or zoom? Cause they are doing that? That’s good and bad
Good because they can’t intimidate me on the phone … and bad because I want to make sure everything understood and heard?
Today I had my turn to speak for the first time ❤️
I had to sit through everyone else’s cases before they got to mine… this is a trial set date hearing…
Neither attorney was present by phone and he was not here either.
The judge seemed impressed that I politely waited and had showed up. Made a point to put in court records I was the only one who showed up.
I explained that due to covid-19 my attorney was now retiring and leaving me without legal counsel, so I will have to take the case by myself. I also explained I will need time because I am not familiar with the courts.
Without anyone else’s approval… another trial set date is set for August 14th at 8:30am
I believe the judge was empathetic and gave me resources and papers …
It went really well and I was put together and strong and did not need to get into many of the files… I have time to prepare ❤️
I feel better! It went really well ❤️ the first time it ever went well ❤️
I think I might be able to do this?? ❤️
I am happy ❤️🥰❤️
Looks like it really IS Friday ❤️ yay!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I was supposed to have court tmrw at 8:30am… and I double checked the court website and it says is still occurring …
My former lawyer who retired because of Corona leaving me defenseless again… I have to sign paper work releasing her from my case… so technically she is still my lawyer at this moment …
I messaged her about court tmrw and she said … we don’t have court, you are good. 🤨
So I sent the photo of what the court website says… so lawyers have a way they can log into system or something and look? …she said was telephone only, so she called in.
She told me court website is incorrect, nothing is set and no court tmrw.
And she wants me to sign that paper work… I told her I want a letter saying he has not paid, because I will have to prove he is in contempt of court.
Not only did she give me that – but also the fees he owes.
My daughter thinks I should go down to the courthouse anyway tmrw? Should I? I don’t trust anyone. Especially lawyers – and I certainly don’t trust his slimy lawyer …
I have prepared pretty well… but if nothing is set… then I can prepare even more insanely!! I will have it laid out in a presentation … I’m gonna have to plan to represent myself
There is a saying… I believe Abraham Lincoln said it… those who represent themselves, have a fool for a client.
That saying makes me feel sick- cause I don’t know the laws and all the papers or files … so yeah. I just have to put it together my own way ☹️ I am not a lawyer.
I don’t really have a choice. I’m just going to have to hope my preparing and papers are good enough for the courts. Otherwise he crushes me with a final blow. He will come after everything. He’s going to crush me if I can’t do this. He is dirty and ruthless and I stand alone
Ok.
So… should I still go tmrw? The lawyers tell me is nothing going on… but the court website says otherwise … I don’t trust lawyers… but I also don’t trust the government.
I could always go and just make sure. Maybe that be best??
So I have stuff together. I want to print out a few more things … so if is anything tmrw – I can have that together
If there is not anything tmrw… then that gives me extra time to get this plan of attack and defense more solid. I will go into ocd mode. So I DO hope I have that extra time, but I don’t trust anything.
I don’t know how to be a lawyer. I don’t understand anything about the courts. I’m just going to have to wing it and hope I do ok and NOT be a fool? 🙏
Learning Life 