Decisions & Changes

Something happened yesterday where I see true colors? I am disheartened and also disappointed.

I have been thinking things over, because something not sitting right with me or feel ok.

I’m not sleeping and having flashbacks of things – is not good.

I was very sad yesterday.

But anyway it was good because gave me incentive and reason … confirmed my thoughts … and absolutely made my decision 😮

So I will be working on that decision

Life and death have a way of showing you the way.

And then also – I already had this lesson before. Last time I stay way too long, and same here…

I always hold on thinking is just a moment or will get better – but it doesn’t

And then when you realize it – it’s more difficult

I have to learn better. I am just creature of comfort… and I don’t like tons and tons of change constantly but the 2020’s are fixing that for me.

So this change gonna be massive and life changing again.

I would see things or experience things and something was off? I wasn’t sure. Now I’m sure.

Yesterday I see clearly.

It’s just sad. But ok next.

2023 will be more massive changes but I do think for the best!! And my own sanity

We will see… but yes… I made my decision – I just have to execute it.

🙏

So we see 🙏🙏 it will be better eventually once is over and I learn the lesson again

Meh – sucky life lessons – I hate life lessons – fine whatever

I have to go… but I be back to respond and read later – it will be ok 🙏

So yeah that’s happening ✌️😮

https://youtu.be/WM7-PYtXtJM

It’s a journey ✌️

Darkness

L👀k what was outside my door 😳😱

First time I see him… was around 11am when I came home to let Doby outside …

But I didn’t have time – I had to just let Doby out, put him back and get back to work – takes me 10 minutes

I came back at 3pm for same thing … and this guy is still there!!! Go away!!

I did not want to come home in dark to this guy… AND I was also afraid he would somehow come in my house and I am NOT having that!!! Hell no!!!

Let me show you who I speak of 😮😮😱:

Yeah… that right there is black widow 😮😮 on a Monday!!! On my house … right next to my door!!

Ok well I couldn’t even deal … I got out my spider spray 🕷… I pumped it once and let spray the thing… and it still alive Omg

Ok fine I do another 2 pumps and still it lives!! Omg ok well I’m not touching it – so F it – I had to get back to work… whatever – please don’t come in my house!!! The world would hear my screams TOTALLY if come inside my house!! Omg I would die!

You are lucky I didn’t scream upon sight… but who the hell gonna come help me with a spider – hi can you come over and help me get a spider? No… I have to be adult – these are moments I do not like being the adult!!! Or the only one!!!

Anyway was NOT Charlotte!!!!

Anyway – I had to get back to work and my spray wasn’t working – I expect it to be instant but it wasn’t 😮

When I came home it was not in the same place – but instead the spray worked and it just took some time. Ok – I feel better now, can not come in my house.

Ugh black widows – please leave me alone – go somewhere else – ugh now I’m all freaked out by him!! Who knows if are others 😳😱

Anyway … 

It was dreary today – rained in morning before work then cold and overcast all day… and started the boring rain again at 5pm 🙄

My commute so little so I can’t really complain but meh… I’m ready for spring ✌️🙏 it’s gonna be a very long hard winter 🥶 😳

I do have something to actually complain about though!!! Darkness!!! Omg

I go to work in darkness and come home in darkness – can I have some light of day??

https://youtu.be/ho9rZjlsyYY

It was dark by 5pm!!! 😮 that is a reason for the worst season! Ughh I miss warmth and daylight

If I was a flower what flower would I be ?

I would be an Impatien 🌸…

Need shade from sun – which I do… brighten up the darkest area 😘

Prefer temps around 85 – totally do!

Need good water, drainage and food. Lol – also fits ✌️

Will bloom all year – eh I’m a little iffy on that one during winter 🥶 keep me warm

What flower would you be?

But yeah omg … at 6:30 I was like ok well is it bedtime yet? Ugh darkness make me go to bed early 🤨

It feels like so late at night or middle of night already cause been dark so long 

I bought Doby a new toy – I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help – wanna see what he enjoys other than chew sticks lol 🙄

Well the toy I bought him should have disclaimer – do not work correctly with a Doberman 🤨

I got him a snuffle mat… it’s a mat that you hide treats in and they have to forage for food like instinct…

At first he didn’t know what to do with … and was bored by it 😑 …

Then he realized if he wanted he could forage… so he did for a minute

Then he realized if he just takes the entire mat and shakes it he will get all the treats really easy 🤨

https://youtu.be/Z2G69LUfrtc

Fricken smart ass Doberman lol 🙄

He is too smart

So maybe I will give that to Emmie? She is a chihuahua who would use the mat as intended

Was this tested on a Doberman ?? I think not!

He does like squeaky things and things that crinkle – he really loves the crinkle ❤️

So not all toys work for all breeds… ok then … lesson learned – maybe 🤷‍♀️

Anyway so … Monday. Meh

Ugghhhh I just looked at my forecast and rain all night and day tmrw and through Wednesday meh!!!!!

We need desperately – but they still gonna say not enough – is never enough / I live in California 🙄

And it’s boring cold rain – no excitement, just boring rain … no monsoon, no hurricane, no nice lightening or thunder booms … just constant really boring rain – maybe some flooding meh I don’t like the flooding or any destruction in the wake of

I like the power of the weather ?? I do not know 🤷‍♀️ I love the smell of the air, the look – the feeling all throughout and the feeling of the power it possesses … is an odd love lol ✌️ find it beautiful and breathtaking 🤷‍♀️whatever we all have our quirks – I don’t like the damage or bad things – just there storms themselves ❤️

Sometimes the sky opens up and just releases everything at once – but mostly it is boring crappy cold rain.

https://youtu.be/BI5IA8assfk

Ok and one last thing… so … there is something that is bothering me, and then also I am learning my gut and life lessons – I am not sure what I think or feel about something – I don’t know how well sits with me – but we see … I don’t know… something feels not ok? But I am not sure – I am thinking through and then because of that – it makes me question if I want this to begin with – is ok for me in general? I don’t know – I love it but I’m not sure ? some things bother me. I am still thinking – I am not sure at all. I can not see very clearly on it. Yeah I can not see very clearly with this. But I dunno??

Ahhh lesson time – we see 😳🙄 fricken life lessons 😝

https://youtu.be/LnnF8fczRzY

Wallowing 💋

So I don’t really have much to say again, but let’s see cause this helps 😊

Everyone seemed to think of me today, lol ?? 🤷‍♀️

Everyone was texting me, one to ask if I wanted cookbooks she is getting rid of – maybe

Another to ask about my leg … something is wrong with my left leg ?? I don’t know what? Friday morning when I woke… it just started hurting around the knee – and I hobble 😮 … no swag walk for me lol

https://youtu.be/ewufRwrayTI

I don’t know what cause it to kink up and hurt?? I have tendency to cross legs all the time!!!!!!!! Also when I sit on couch I curl up my legs – I can not do that – is extreme pain ?? So 🤷‍♀️ crossing legs? Is little better today – I haven’t been crossing my legs lol omg

I have to sit all normal lol… and my legs will do auto pilot and go to cross them selves automatically lol… but then there is pain – dang it – it is very hard not to cross them!!! But the pain prevents it ugh 😩

When I stand up to walk it hurts – when I initially stand – I have to stay there for a minute before moving

That’s annoying 🤨

Like I said – is better today 🤷‍♀️ but still hurts – just not as wonky as yesterday.

Also I can’t read someone ??? Is a man who I have something in common with… I am quiet and observant and also keep my distance.

He being friend ?? Which is fine … just started happening with texts and stuff

I am awkward in text lol unless I know you

https://youtu.be/Vc-L3vPNXMw

Lol – I’m just careful because I don’t know him- so heavy caution ⚠️

https://youtu.be/ru3gH27Fn6E

So I don’t know how to read that yet – we will see

My brother text me to remind me it’s been a year since I visited Texas and caught Covid lol 🙄 fricken Texas … but that year flew!! Damn

My kids text me to say hello

https://youtu.be/VtPLdL5GWDg

❤️

And then couple other people checking in with me, remember my crazy girl friend? She text, but we end up speaking – same ole same ole for her

Her life is just crazy to me

She is like this:

https://youtu.be/QYHxGBH6o4M

Omg – see … I can not handle that – I am more reserved … I am private with behind closed doors – she is not lol 🤷‍♀️

She wants me to come visit – I’m not really comfortable visiting. Just her life is a lot for me to handle… I am supportive but I don’t wanna be around? I can’t is too much.

Another girlfriend from years ago text me ❤️ she was my neighbor once – that is how I meet her… I had wonderful moments and memories with her – we laugh so much and have so much fun – we would go Christmas shopping together and close out every single store lol

She was always fun – we would do girl weekends to San Fran and trace movie and tv filming areas lol

We just have fun… she’s my catholic friends ❤️ I love her and her family ❤️ I relate to them because we raised similar 😊 and I click with her because she’s a soft but fun spirit… she has pain in her past so just a quiet soft fun spirit 😊❤️

https://youtu.be/79fzeNUqQbQ

She wants to know if I want to do a girls weekend in February … maybe March – but we see … we would go to the coast. Glass beach or something – we see the redwoods ❤️

https://youtu.be/YrnS5WQY1ro

All the state awesomeness lol – I was not aware there was a state dinosaur lol interesting.

https://youtu.be/CvwxR8YQSTU

So… you learn something new every day lol

So we see – depends on what is going on in my life lol

She reminds me of this song:

https://youtu.be/S3ta4T9tIUM

https://youtu.be/voNEgCKzves

So alot of people thought of me today, all at once

Oh yes – my leg still hurts – I just stood up – ish

It’s kinked for whatever reason 😑🤨 it will be fine – it will go away

Well anyway – cold cloudy and rainy 🌧 bleh

December 21st 🙏🙏🙏 hurry up – just fast forward winter 🥶

https://youtu.be/uzUozo1628U

https://youtu.be/8mz5Rtx-Eu0

😉😘❤️🙏🙏🙏

Ugh ok not there yet – but you can dream ✌️

https://youtu.be/b9McVO9hpUE

But instead … I gain hour of sleep, so I guess is good. Fall back right?

https://youtu.be/wZ_uBevKqks

Ugh I just like to spring forward lol

Especially through winter lol 🤷‍♀️

Ok so about to fall back shortly – so catch ya later

Gnite ❤️🙏✌️

Re- Adjusting 😘

Well I don’t really feel like speaking or saying anything – but I always feel better here… so we see

Maybe once I speak- will be better?

I dunno – I am not very full of life this evening

https://youtu.be/sOK4U_pSxGA

So I’m a little sad because I love something sooo much – but it is time

I can’t

I mention to a girl friend and I tell her … she says to me … well Trisha you wanted for stepping stone – now you just step up

Hmm well somewhat true… I always build

https://youtu.be/K1b8AhIsSYQ

She is right

I forgot that, until she said that

And I have always loved life – I never want to not love life … I also would not like to become a customer in my job anytime soon.

I also remember other things talking to her

Ugh

https://youtu.be/f2dJxFIV28Y

I’m ready

So yeah kinda sad eyes to be ready because I also have loved

Ahhh but this is the 2020’s so ya know – nothing stays the same and there is constant change always so ya know – whatever … I am so used to the 2020’s now!!!

I heard this the other day:

https://youtu.be/rblt2EtFfC4

I loved Prince ❤️

That song made me just smile instantly because it took me back in time – I have not heard it forever

It takes me back to freshman year in high school and my best friend talked me into …omg – well a choreographed thing to this song 🙄 ugh the teen years lol … THANK GOD cell phones and things were not a thing when I grew up “anonymous freedom” … no evidence that any such thing ever happened 🙌😘

https://youtu.be/JYIaWeVL1JM

It was super dumb … but we had the best time ever … we just laughed and had so much fun … it still makes me laugh to think of. But still THANK GOD there is NOT video!!! Oh thank you for that one life!! ❤️👏👏👏

So I remember the time ❤️ … and then I also remembered all the dance moves omg lol … I could totally imagine like a flashback memory but also like was yesterday ❤️

Anyway – well this worked ❤️👏 I feel better

So I suppose I will end with this song …

https://youtu.be/SwYN7mTi6HM

😘

When Monday comes 😩

Ugh well here comes Monday….

https://youtu.be/E0z_TXMNc6Q

Ugh it’s only gonna be Monday and that’s also Halloween 😮

I am not looking forward to this week.

Trying to be positive but think this week will suck!! Badly! So ok – hit me with your best shot?

https://youtu.be/5w743nIi3JQ

Ok Monday – bring it!

https://youtu.be/KOBDy5X4l44

So let’s see 😶

I’m sorta exhausted lately. But was good weekend off

Whew ok …

I can’t stop Monday

https://youtu.be/vOTtCjGqXYo

I don’t have much to say. Not yet.

I just felt like complaining about Monday because I know this week will be hell – I pray for mercy but we see

I think it will be bad… but then I hope that it is just my mind thinking that way – and will actually be fine but we see

https://youtu.be/mZ9RbgMGcYA

Let’s leave it with that and hope for best!

🙏🙏🙏

Meh 🫤

Well there is just so much to tell and some I can’t unless I’m cryptic …

Whatever Monday that was, that was really bad… it caused rip in universe lol

https://youtu.be/CMSYv_Z4SI8

Sigh 😞

And then I see the worst of worst person. But that’s ok – they can go ahead and be awful person – I know who I deal with

It doesn’t bother me that they are a terrible human being… whatever – go be your satan self – good luck with that.

It does bother me how treat others yet thinks is holier than thou. Whatever … but little bit of silence there because is bully. I am not going to engage so whatever

https://youtu.be/wJt2qKPZpsk

So whatever – not really much thought but just saying – really awful person!

Anyway moving on – besides that… ugh 😩 things keep coming and then is just us… 3 of us – so massive pressure …

Some jumped into help… but I dunno 🤷‍♀️

We doing everything cause we have no choice but things be kinda better ? I dunno.

There’s alot – so make me go silent outside of work

Whew ok – well hope goes well. I have a great little team that tries really hard. ❤️ they pour their hearts into it ❤️

They are amazing ❤️

I don’t know what I want to do. And then that makes me little silent… mainly because I’m in thought over a thousand things

So.

I just have a lot of things that are weighing on my mind

Meh.

Oh well. But that does make me silent – I also very much miss the middle of no where. Ahhh to remember … was rough but way out in middle of no where 🙌👏❤️ totally love that! Love the peace

I do love my little house which is a nice escape

I just miss peace of the actual country.

And then … when you have certain things you went through … you are ultra sensitive to certain things …

So I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ I’m sensitive to something going on right now … and then that puts me silent and I gonna observe.

And then … There is also this odd situation that I am not totally sure what to make of it? So I am also observing that

I think is fine – but am watching – let me just observe more before I say anything

So I suppose this didn’t explain my silence very well… cause I can’t go into depth 🙁 but there are many things that have me in thought or quiet

I’m trying to handle many things.

I want to be careful with the silence – i don’t want to be so silent I can’t say overwhelmed.

Helps to come here …but I have been so exhausted, even with writing this I am barely staying awake – I have fallen asleep several times to finish this. But is good for me not to be completely silent – good to have little outlet

Also… winter is coming … it’s been cold – in 70’s but cold ,.. my cold is colder than your cold … California 70’s is colder than Massachusetts 70’s – maybe humidity thing? Next week we gonna have some 60’s and I’m gonna freeze

Ugh this weekend I will have to pull out my winter clothing 😝😝😝

Ughhhhhh winter!!!

Love summer much much more!!

I am definitely NOT a winter person!!!

So coldness has been a thing – you may think not – but yes!!!

Ughhh winter clothes 😝😝😝

And it’s getting darker earlier 😝😝😝

Ok just wanted to complain for one minute ✌️ I do not like winter. My least favorite season

I like warmth and long summer days ❤️ bbqs and baseball ❤️ ahh summer ❤️

https://youtu.be/J3xbDa1xdXw

Anyway I have to sleep… I can not stay awake

Is only moments so whatever – will make through

I do have strong mind and spirit – I make it and am still alive so far ✌️ I will survive

Ok be back soon 🙏✌️ …less silent ❤️😘 🙏🙏

Hello…

I’ve been little quiet – a lot going on 🫤

A few things sorta touch off my silence …

But I have to run… I will write tonight – I will force self.

… ohhh today be interesting 😳 … well fricken everyday is 🫤

Ok back later – have a meeting … byeeeee 👋

Ps only reason I won’t be back tonight is it today is really bad?? We see – I will try not to be silent

Not Monday

Alright so little better.

Tuesday did not kill me, like Monday. So that was good 👍

https://youtu.be/Pn8iinkhR3w

Went fine. But… let’s talk about other things.

So let me think what other things there are lol 🤷‍♀️

Oh I bought my little man a new toy … is hard to resist – he needs a toy box… or I need to stop seeing dog toys 🧸

He has all furry little play things … today I bought him this adorable little ghost 👻… behind a tombstone that says RIP 🪦 … is all vinyl type toy? It squeaks and is supposed to be enjoyable for chewers ?? It’s got good squeak to it – I was sure he would love it??

It’s adorable toy??

So I excitedly bring home for him and we play with it and he whimpers every time he grabs it …but continues to choose it lol 🙄

Does he not like it? I dunno🤷‍♀️ is weirdest thing?? I don’t know what that means ??

And also a neighbor dog barked at him and he looked umm ?? Well it scared him at first, but he is quiet like me 😮😮 … he doesn’t bark but he stands there like he doesn’t understand why he is being barked at lol -🤷‍♀️

Is kinda cute and sweet that he is quiet like me? Kinda odd came together like that. 😊❤️ funny how life does.

He has always been like that – he will bark, but only when he thinks he is protecting me (usually when wind blows because he hears the wind and things bumping …so he thinks there is intruder and steps between me and window or door lol being all tough and protective lol – he will do one bark and then just growl only, at the window or door lol

So… otherwise … pretty quiet .

I’m just thinking 💭 … just ya know – 2022 not over yet so… we see what happens ✌️😘

Oh god here comes 2023 😮 what will happen?? Lol

I can’t even guess anymore!!! Just like everything? 😮

Yeah – I can’t even guess 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

https://youtu.be/mNEUkkoUoIA

Good night for now ✌️❤️

Ps Monday kinda used up all this week’s energy 🤷‍♀️

Brrr’s and Barks ❤️

It is FREEZING 🥶 tonight Omg

I am so California soft!! Is windy and low tonight is 53 brrr!! Omg

And high tmrw only 77!!! Also brrrr!!

https://youtu.be/YlUKcNNmywk

Ya know … California supposed to be warm… ugh winter is coming!! Bleh

https://youtu.be/JupVVR7pqIA

My sky’s are not gray they are bright and sunny ☀️ which I like but I would like summer back!

I am freezing!! 🥶… yeah I’ve gone California soft 😮 ugh winter 😝😝😝

https://youtu.be/rog8ou-ZepE

https://youtu.be/TxrwImCJCqk

Ok so time to count down to December 21st … the winter solstice … once I hit that… I know spring come soon 👏👏👏

Yeah I am not a winter person at all… I do not like winter … am too warm blooded ✌️

Bleh – winter 🥶

My little man is growing 😮 … no one listens when I tell them to stay little lol 🐾

Check him out … we got him on September 17th – he was 2 months old – born July 16th, 2022

Oh my gosh!! Such a little thing ❤️ look how tiny he was!! Damn he grows fast!!! Cause one month later and look … you can see the comparison in his little legs 😮 he is exactly 3 months now 😮😮

Look how long those little legs got lol and the ears keep growing too! Lol

Here is something I notice … with chihuahuas they have BIG dog syndrome where they think they so big 🙄

But this guy has little dog syndrome lol … where he still thinks he is little 😄😄 …you do not know how many times he gets stuck somewhere because he used to fit and thinks he still does… like under side tables or beds lol – ok little guy – you are not so little anymore lol … he got his head stuck in a gate while I was loading the car – and I have my hands full and he freaking out cause he stuck – felt like some Chevy Chase movie omg … dude relax – I’m coming – be right there 🙄 stop thinking you are little – you are not so little now

Funny how that works though?? Look at those long legs lol

Look how big his ears continue to get 😄😄❤️ I just love him soooo much ❤️

He is my shadow always – he has completely attached ❤️… and me too ❤️

Once in blue moon he still has a accident in house but not often – he’s really good with it … but when he does … I will say “who did this?“ and he slicks his ears back and goes somewhere I can’t see him 😄😄 like nope not me, don’t look at me 😄🙄❤️

He has such a cute personality

And I’m reading him now… I know what his bites mean… some are for potty, and some are for attention … and I always feed him at 5:30pm so at 5:30 he totally reminds me is dinner time lol – literally on the dot!! Lol little man does not miss a beat!!

He doesn’t bite hard at all just ones to say “hey I need this“ … if goes past 10pm he even tells me when it’s his bedtime lol ❤️ I usually put him to bed at 9:30pm but is Saturday so I was gonna let him chill with me … but by 10pm he like “ok I need bed” lol … first child I have ever had that actually reminds me is his bedtime lol

He is sweetheart he really coming into his little personality ❤️ he is such a good dog ❤️

When I took that photo today –  apple put a (?) over his picture ?? Ummm what?? And when I click it said look up breed info and told me he was a German Pinscher ?? The ears match!!

Every picture of him tells me German Pinscher 😮 the ears and photos when I look up a German Pinscher totally match!! He is also part terrier but I don’t know what kind – I can see it in his face and also his chest is white and he has freckles in the white area ❤️❤️❤️ ok sometimes freckles are adorable – ok fine ❤️

He has the cutest little forehead wrinkles ❤️ and he looks at me when I say stuff and I’m pretty sure he is so smart he understands …

Sit was very easy to teach him… but stay is not… he can’t not totally grasp “stay” yet …we working on commands – he learns so quickly – he has best little personality ❤️❤️

Lol those big ears ❤️

He likes to come up right beside me everywhere – and tonight something scared him cause he bark several times and stood in front of me… then he growl at door for awhile lol

Ok so he knows he has a bark – but I guess only uses when he needs

He’s got a good bark but is still kinda pipsqueak type – but you can tell is because he young… he only barks for protection no other reason 😮… I heard they are barky but he is not 👏

He has melted into the family so completely ❤️

He also does not like to be cold and thinks it’s cold outside lol he runs to potty and comes right back, where before when was warm – he took forever!!!

Also… normally dogs don’t let all their pee out at once but he will and it’s hilarious … he will stand there and squat / yes I said squat 😄😄 forever!! Until is all out lol

He doesn’t lift his leg he just squats 😄😄 whatever – is adorable lol ❤️🐾 you do you baby ❤️🐾

Today he is 3 months old… he has been on earth for 3 months ❤️😮

He also dreams and barks in his dreams … or makes noises lol … is so cute and adorable currently lol ✌️❤️

He used to suckle in his sleep but he doesn’t do that anymore lately – he’s so funny ❤️🐾

Ok I’m kinda quiet this weekend … but I be back tmrw … I’m just taking in the time off and staying away from world ✌️😘 is nice to take a breath ❤️

Ok good night for now 👋💫🌙 💤 😴 ❤️✌️

https://youtu.be/G-tz4eWK2kU

https://youtu.be/gY1WyUIabCc

😄😉✌️

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