I have never heard of atmospheric rivers before – and this year we having one right after the other!!! Omg!!
We never have like this before!! And this year suddenly they are all the time!! What is this!!? Is that really a thing ??? Or just this year it suddenly is??
California does not know how to winter this year – thanks 2023
Ahhh these 2020’s – they definitely looking to go down in history lol 🫤
Anyway… ugh 😩 I don’t want anymore wind, rain or cold!!! (Said in a very whiney voice)
I am dying for sun… It’s like a flower someone is TOTALLY OVER WATERING💦
Alright whatever – I’m just whiney because I have rain and storms always
** reasons I could never live in Seattle – I would die
Way too much rain!!! I just can not!!! I do not mind when spread out over the year – or a nice summer rain – I love love love summer rain – but we never get that – is all at once in winter 🤨
Ugh 😩 ok I will keep moaning so we will leave it at that.
In the same way it pours rain, it is now also pouring death 😮 yikes 😳 ok … well let’s hope I don’t drown one way or another 😮 🙏
Winter – I am done with you!!
Ok well – in other news 🗞️…
Military reached out to me yesterday – but I am swamped in death at moment – and it was Friday night and I do not want my Friday night all crappy – so nope 👎 I can not deal on a Friday – that is MY day
Also – I did not mention this because I don’t like it … but he calls me “red” – I hate that!! Please don’t call me that. Also I do not want any kind of pet name – you can move along with that…
Not gonna put up with stupid bullshit… don’t want that shit in my life
I am not looking to have my life more complicated than is… definitely not enhancing my life at all… so nope! And I won’t let him use his money – I want nothing to do with him. I’m good
So you know … I run the location … and I live here
I hesitant to have people know me again… but whatever … I just don’t know
But was city counsel, and business owners … they had an event after work- at a Speakeasy 😮😮
We have wineries 🍷 and breweries in my area and all the owners were there and city counsel & city politicians, as well as other business owners
My coworker only stayed for maybe 30 minutes … but I am manager and we want people to know us and come to us… (well for business but we really busy with only 2 of us) but I still want you to know us and come to us!
I also asked my oldest to come with us – I’m glad I did or I would have been there by myself!
The only problem is … I look young and my oldest looks older because he currently has facial hair – but when he shaves he looks like baby… currently he has facial hair (winter) … anyway – everyone kept asking me if he was my boyfriend with him right there next to me lol
Omg!!! Why you ask those things???!!!
So I simply say – no he’s not my boyfriend, he is my SON… I made him – I do not date him lol
I always tease him about that and say I will get a shirt that just says that – cause everyone thinks that!!
I just didn’t wanna be all alone.
He is the one who looks most like me!!! He has my eye color… and my smile and my nose … his beard is red but his hair on his head is a light brown … the red beard is like my hair lol ❤️👏✌️😄 – he has a similar heart like me too. He’s very mature and compassionate towards others ❤️
Do people not see the resemblance ? I think he looks like my son … but everyone always thinks I am so young and he looks older with facial hair 🤷♀️
Whatever – no!! Is my son!!! I am not young!!!
When I had him I was 20… but I looked 12 🤷♀️
Works well for me now usually … but still … every time people ask me if he is my boyfriend … it makes me cringe – why do people ask that???! Right off the bat … no I am woman hear me roar all by myself 😘✌️
Please do not mistake my son for my boyfriend!! that is VERY disturbing!! Why …if I am with a man, people assume shit 🤨
My grandfather always used to say – never assume – it make an Ass out of u and me 😉😘 so don’t do that!! Do not ass.u.me
The function started right after work and went til 7:30pm
They had free appetizers and free wine 🍷 – is a city counsel thing – we are a member 😉 part of my job is to network so that’s what I did…
I do not have fear of people like that or public speaking / I am very outgoing and can network because is for work … so I can do that
I can bring attention to my business … but it’s funny … you try being a funeral worker and tell people what you do …
I get weird responses lol … someone asked me if they can bury on own property lol … in California – you can not! 3 states say no… California, Washington State, and Indiana say is illegal
But yeah either people are intrigued always!! Either they cringe cause nope – no one wants to talk about death… or … they wanna ask me about every funeral thing they can think of lol – once again there is no medium lol
Anyway … I had a glass of wine 🍷 in beginning but then was too busy hanging out my business card and networking with the city and business owners so didn’t have any more
I used to know city counsel but these ones are all new – it was 7 years ago I know who was on the board 😮 … until I just said that, I did not realize so long ago 😮😮😮
Alright so we see if I am ok being known again – I just don’t like being known but ok … is good. We see
They invite me to some politician thing coming up soon… ahhh yes … let me talk to the politicians lol 👏✌️😘 bring that shit ON!!! Yes please!!!
When I say politicians I mean governor and high politicians … so this could get interesting ? We see
But yeah – I like to keep to self usually – this is little weird to be back in a position to mingle with city & politicians. I really am not sure how I like it.
Is good to know people – you have connections for things!! So that part I like
But I’m not sure about people knowing me – I really love anonymity and peace ✌️ but I have a personality and I am pretty so once I step out there – ugh it could get hairy 😮 but we see
I’m gonna be massively known around here – so do I want that?? Ugh I really love my peace
But the connections are pretty amazing 😮😮 am I ok with this? Well we will see 😮 😳
See!!! I tell you there is someone up in heaven or working with life – and I swear they say “hey let’s throw this at her and see what happens” 🤨🙄😮
The others I work with are all from Sacramento … they don’t know my history here. I’m pretty quiet 😘✌️I was very well known here – once upon a time …
Before cancer, divorce and losing family – so I don’t know – it could get crazy… cause you know the people I am around are either funeral workers who are hilarious and amazing ❤️ (some not all – many are) … and families grieving – I’m really good with comforting and relating with loss … and then of course … the people we care for and help to pass over – they are usually quiet lol ✌️
I just am not sure I want to make huge waves – it’s either one way or the other – there is no in between … I either be quiet or everyone wanna know who I am… so … do I want that again? I do not know!!!
I really really love my peace – ALOT!! And I like not having to be on all the time … and I live here too – my world will close in 😮
So is little weird – cause I do t want pressure to come back in my life ugh – I do not want to have to be on all the time and socialize all the time
I just like to have peaceful moments – I like to breathe – I don’t want to be ??? I don’t know ? Do you understand?
I like attention for a cause or for work – I’m really good at that – but I also live VERY close to funeral home… now you can totally forget me ever going into store!!! Delivery always!! No way now!!
I like to fall under the radar – I am STILL waiting on a invisibility cloak – but for some reason, with todays technology – that is not a thing yet? But I am waiting!!! Hurry the hell up!!
I also feel that if I am going to let this happen – I better be sure I want this 😮😮😮 … do I?
And wtf with death – see it always wants to see what can pull me back in with – I want the connections because that opens doors – but then I also really cherish peace so 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
And also what the hell with life always having to throw something
Northern California hail – which was hilarious – you could hear the hail pummeling my roof and windows 🤨
Well Doby had never heard before so he’s all alert – and like I must go outside and investigate lol …
So I let him out and he got pummeled with hail and was like wtf is this?? Omg his reactions are hilarious 😄😄😄❤️❤️❤️
Was all new to him and he did not know what to think – he look so confused – lol hail lol ❤️ ahhh life’s little joys
He’s such a funny little man ❤️❤️ he makes me laugh all the time ❤️ I am just gonna call him a man since he’s a DoberMAN 😉❤️ and the way he learns and accepts … adapts to me and life ❤️ he’s amazing … why animals are more loving than humans 😘✌️ although sometimes I still get stalked by dogs too lol 🤷♀️ I have gentle spirit so I guess that pulls them in? I don’t know 🤷♀️
So yeah still winter up here – but I think Mother Nature is drunk or something cause … enough already!!!! C’mon!!!
But I was entertained by the hail – that was pretty funny – he got pummeled and then was all confused lol 😄😄😄 yeah buddy – welcome to the world ❤️
He is animated 😄 👏👏
He is crazy energy … but he’s pretty awesome ❤️
See right there…. “Enhances life”
He enjoys life with me ❤️ or seems to anyway lol … I love when he experiences things – I always know if he does something bad because he will be quietly sitting in his crate lol – then I am suspicious – ok what did you do? Lol … he has a little conscience ❤️❤️❤️
** disclaimer – songs are NOT meant in weird way – just that he brightens my life and I love him ❤️✌️
Ahhh I just go away from world this weekend. I needed to just have that. Too much things and is end of month. So I just soak in the peace ☮️ …also – is cold rainy hailing weekend so I am also in winter hibernation lol 😘 … fricken Mother Nature
Totally waiting on spring – it’s taking forever / soooo over winter things – please stop ✋- I’m good on winter
But is nice to soak in peace ❤️ … cause you know – here comes Monday! 😮
Ugh – I am expecting many to pass away this weekend ☹️ … I got warning from a few – so I am going to soak up the quiet moments off ❤️ because they may be few.
So I’m just gonna soak in as much peace as possible – like recharging 🔌 lol ✌️
He is sooooo on total routine lol … omg it’s so funny!
Usually if is workday, my alarm goes off … I go make coffee because yes ☕️… he goes outside – it’s usually really cold or raining 🤨… he doesn’t like that so he is fast lol 🙄😄
He jumps at the door like a bunny rabbit if I take too long to come over lol … and he is bigger so is funnier 😄 … aren’t you a little big for that now dude? Lol
He is too large to fit under my bed anymore 😄😄 he is only medium smallish side … but is funny cause he will still think he is small 🙄😄😄
I have a curio cabinet that has a mirror at his level 😄😄😄😄 that is funny to watch!! He thinks is some other dog OR he likes to check out his moves … cause he does this thing where he puts front paws 🐾 down – and butt up … like he gonna pounce … but then he will sit there for a minute while he checks himself out in mirror lol … and he jumps all around lol
Anyway… I shower, then he knows is breakfast lol … and then he always has to go out after a meal lol
If I am making my own lunch or whatever meal in the kitchen, he literally likes to be glued to me 😮 … has to be touching me lol omg
He leans on me or must touch me – he will just stand there or sit and make sure some part of his body is touching me ❤️ awww 🥰 he’s glued ❤️
Lol – love his little quirkiness very much – but I will say … sometimes I do like a moment of space ✌️😘
You do not have to constantly be with and touching me lol 🤷♀️ I got you dude ❤️🐾❤️
After work, he goes out while I change and then we play for little while or if is nice day take a small walk … then he eats …
This man CAN NOT play after eating OR drinking … he needs to chill and relax … he doesn’t eat fast – he is a slow eater – kinda dainty lol …
But then after eating he’s like “ ok let’s play “
No!!! Man must digest because ugh he pukes cause he just ate and gets too excited 🤨 so we have a 30 minute break after eating for HIM
And water 💦… I have never seen a dog inhale water … and then he just sits there and burps lol
But if he gets all excited for playing after drinking – is same as food… so we have to rest and get out all the burps 🙄 omg
He is not a barker at all… only when he is scared or is displeased by something lol 🙄😄 but he rarely barks ❤️ he likes quiet too ❤️
At night he will snuggle up – yup – right up on me lol … at 9:30pm exactly every night he will tell me it’s time for his bedtime lol …
😮😮 what child does that? This one evidentially … he loves his routine lol ❤️
So he goes out and then I tuck him in my room and he sleeps and I come to bed later lol – I have to do stuff … but he’s funny with it lol
He does not sleep in bed with me… he has his own bed covers and teddy bear 🧸 – I teach him no on that cause I do not want to create problems in that area!! No thank you
He is fine with that ❤️
But yeah – the man has a routine lol ❤️
* side note* … on the weekend – if I don’t set alarm and sleep longer – he wakes me up within half hour of normal alarm time lol
And then – I had handled other things … I just said I can not balance with a relationship at this moment in time
I just can’t do heavy and needy – I just can’t
And I also feel he doesn’t know me at all, he only thinks of himself and his wants and needs … I do not trust.
And he say to me during that convo – “oh so you just don’t like affection then?”
Ok well yeah sure read that however you want
Affection for who? Him?
And then he try to make me feel guilty – but I don’t – I gave my time to learn who he is … I am not comfortable – and even when I state what is wrong … he does not understand
We both speak English – but we do not understand each other … 2 WAY different people
He is gonna want control or to figure out how to control …
And I am not that woman – I want nothing to do with being controlled. Nope 👎 don’t let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya 😘
But that makes me caution ⚠️ WAY high!!
I don’t need that kind of stress in my life.
I don’t think he accepts defeat well? He is a Trumper and I don’t think he is used to not getting his way?
But whatever – I’m stubborn and that is not what I want … I also cherish my life and my spirit so 🤷♀️
Nope! He does not understand me at all or listen – so absolutely not.
Yeah nope 👎 get back
So yeah – but he keeps messaging me saying hope you are relaxing
Yes I am thank you – by myself
So whatever … ugh 😑 not tryin to have drama 🎭
I want peace and to enjoy life when able – not looking to add stress or bullshit – nope 👎
And then another thing – he does not see who I am at all because all he keeps saying is things he THINKS I wanna hear ?
He keeps mentioning how beautiful I am – ok fuckin take that away – do you know who I am? I think the beauty blinds him and he likes having arm candy – yeah no – not a trophy sorry 💋 – try again
I just get the feeling for him is superficial and he doesn’t just be real – I also feel he attempts to gaslight and manipulate – but that is sure fire way to make me not listen to you at all…
See the issue is … I don’t NEED you … so you have to make me WANT you … I’m not gonna want you if you are a jackass and think you can control lol … yeah lol … that is not gonna work for me – I do not want that…
Yeah I’m not doing motives sorry – and if can’t hear anything I say or understand it – nope 👎
Negativity negativity negativity
Nope 👎 correct yourself 😘
Unfortunately someone will have a pretty high bar to jump… cause I’ve known sincere love and I have sincere love in my life already … so fuck that other shit… when you can be a person then I am cool
But treat me superficially and I am not. I will mirror how you do… so you wanna play me like that.. then yeah I’m not gonna listen to a word you say 😮😘 not worth my time or effort – too exhausting – next
Also – I do not like attention – only if I command it – then it’s ok lol ✌️ but I only like attention if is for work… or there is some reason or cause for it.
I do not like superficial attention … everyone be superficial – show me you can be different so 🤷♀️ whatever
Like I said – I don’t need shit … I will only want something so … yeah – he has no idea how to handle or read me!
Oh I just want spring so bad!! I am so done with winter 🥶 it has been off and on pouring today.
Sooo… I have a situation 😮
I thought I handled it… and I have gone massive silent – but he text me last night which I didn’t see until this morning and made me feel exhaustion upon seeing it 😮
He just said “hope you having relaxing weekend”
I have all kinds of bad vibes – I am not comfortable, at ease or ok with this.
Also the universe is constantly sending me messages to get away. Bad bad bad
I’m gonna trust that… nope – I would like to stay alive…
He continuously talked about how great and amazing HE is 🤨 … umm not really … he’s hard core just like Trump and speaks badly about others and tries to control everyone – I will be damned – no way… leave me alone with that bullshit
Yeah that’s not gonna work for me – I’m good
But he’s a Trump’er … and was still in the love bombing stage…
I don’t trust him at all… not one bit – and he makes me nervous because I feel he is loose cannon
He tried to call me tonight but ya know – I just can’t – I just want time off of everything before Monday comes – is my end of month and I don’t want to be dealing with shit
No way am I dealing with drama and heavy – nope
👎
I don’t want to be changed or told what best, or who I should be … I do not want to feel like you trying to manipulate me – fuck that shit… nope leave me alone with all that.
I’m good – I like freedom … see?? No one seems to know how to be normal, chill, not crazy, and not heavy?!!! Omg does anyone know how to take life in?? Cause I want that one
How is that so hard??
I’m not gonna try to change someone or make life heavy for them – omg get away from me with that!!
Yeah if you can not enjoy life and enhance my life in that area then nope 👎
This is why keep to self… is always hassle omg
And I will think ok maybe I am ready – cause time has passed so maybe ? But nope because I do not want drama heavy hassles 😮 peace or nothing
This is my favorite SNL skit lol ❤️ I am buying one!! We have those!! I need that
It just makes me laugh every time I watch it – and I hope to god works for me!! Lol
When I lived out in middle of no where – there was this creepy neighbor … omg he used to creep me out so much so rather than be social or cause any problems – I just be creepy funeral girl – it was wonderful cause I could just be weird and he didn’t overly invade my space
My old landlord still laughs about that to this day lol – hey ya know … nope 👎 I just can not deal sometimes … and since he know I do funerals, he have no idea what to think, because people generally creeped out by profession – so whatever
I do not want any problems – just peace
Make me love being around you…enjoy time with you – if try to control or make me uncomfortable I’m gonna back way the hell off
Also don’t misjudge me – perhaps know me first 😘✌️ kiss of death to misjudge – allow me to correct you
Just because I work in funerals and am quiet do not mistake me for naive or something I am not – and I can levitate all on my own thank you very much 😘✌️
I got a job offer in Arizona but I say no because my daughter still has 2 years of high school so not yet
That is within my industry.
But I have another potential job offer with more money and less stress like what I have … would be different stress and is one that I am not hmm 🤔 … it could be good. Personal growth I guess – is an element I have ptsd with …but could be good by taking that away? Maybe – we see
I am not sure – because I really fit with death 😮 or maybe it’s just been so long? Plus I get to hide away mostly … who’s gonna come see me lol
It’s been nice and I have a tight supportive group! Am respected and know what doing. Am confident – have freedom to be self ❤️ I really love that – I worry I won’t have that if I leave
And then also – outside the industry I would not be hidden. So how would I be with that? Omg
I just don’t wanna be overwhelmed or regret decision
So I dunno a lot of things occurring – 2023 can chill the F out!! And also – give me my spring!!!