I only fluently know one language … obviously English.

I took Spanish in high school, but it’s been awhile and I just don’t use it. I can hear Spanish and sometimes pick out words here and there – if they speak slowly …

But I really truly only know one language.

As a really little girl – I had a great grandmother who only spoke Lithuanian… I could understand her and speak it a little … words like “I love you” or “hello how are you”

After she died, my grandmother stopped speaking Lithuanian all together … and now I don’t remember at all. I was only 5 when my great grandmother died. (She was my first experience with death – I have stories from that for later) but anyway…

I am Catholic – we would attend Roman Catholic Churches… I remember the Masses being in Latin… I never ever understood what was going on lol… never learned that language. Latin is very difficult to me. I would just follow along what everyone else was doing and when you are catholic you kind of know the traditions and what to do.

I am always impressed by people who know many languages – and other countries who teach it in their schools – I think that’s amazing!! I wish we did that more here as part of regular curriculum starting very young. It really aids you being able to communicate!! Not be divided by language

I think the older you get the harder it is to absorb – but I try. I am not always exposed to other languages other than English and Spanish …

When someone writes something in another language … I quickly copy and paste in google translate lol … cause I want to understand and know. I am definitely curious and interested!

I wish I understood more… but for now I rely on Google Translate for help. Sometimes technology is actually helpful.

Also… when translating sometimes it does not always translate to English correctly – so that sometimes is hard. But I do love learning!! So I can at least see pronunciation and get an idea of what is said.

My kids know English, Spanish, and can understand Japanese and Korean… they learned Korean and Japanese because they are into anime… so they would watch the anime’s and keep the captions on – after doing that so often – they can now understand the languages. Only my oldest really knows Japanese. We are not Japanese at all – but he is obsessed with their culture. He would love to live or visit Japan someday!

I would like to learn Lithuanian and Gaelic… a lot of my family is from Ireland 🇮🇪… with one section from Lithuania 🇱🇹… all of them came over to America around the turn of the century (1900-1920) … someday I hope to pick it up. I have never left the United States 🇺🇸

Ok well anyway. Just rambling

Have to go! Bye for now

It’s probably me, but I really don’t understand dating at all. I was with my ex since I was 17. I’ve never really dated or experienced that.

To be honest – I don’t know if I want to. Yes, I am lonely and yes, I would like that…

But here’s the thing… I was put through a lot … and went through a lot of deaths and then the cancer … so now I can really only handle 1 thing at a time. I am just not good with too much coming at me.

I am the turtle, not the hare. Slow and steady.

I don’t understand dating really, because I am best one on one – not thousands on one!

I am not looking for any kind of hook up… I will pass on that. I just want a nice person who shares the same morals – can enjoy life with me, and won’t ever hurt me – is this possible?

I don’t really think you can rush or force these things – what is meant to be/ will be. If that means I stay by myself and handle in peace then ok.

But on the flip side of that – I do desperately want to move ahead in my life. I don’t want to be nervous or afraid or have that extreme anxiety – I want to stop all that but I don’t know how. Which is why I go slow.

I had 300 messages this morning … for someone like me… that’s overwhelming and makes me feel panic?

So I guess that means I’m not ready – right? Or just that this is not the right way for “me”?

I am way too old school and old fashioned to do online dating – it’s way too over my head. Which frustrates me cause I don’t like being held back by panic.

But again – I must not be ready or this just isn’t the way for me. So I guess for me I need the old way… but then in person, being hit on also brings panic – I am damned if I do, and damned if I don’t lol

I think I just need more time. I’m not ready. (I really hate saying that) Life doesn’t care if you are ready or not and to keep saying that just holds me back… but I just can’t get past it. How do you get past not being ready ??

I try to think “ok just hold your breath and jump” but I am frozen in panic with certain things. I don’t know how to stop that. Just time I guess? Kinda sucks

With all the deaths I went through… I always hated when people would say “time heals all wounds” – NO! No it does not… those wounds still make me cry and break my heart and they haven’t healed any… all time has done is force me to accept.

Same with the cancer – those memories and emotions still make me feel sad and overwhelmed – and the marriage and divorce – same thing … all time does is make them further away – but you still feel those emotions. They aren’t any lighter, just more distant and you can avoid them.

I have a thing where I avoid anything bad … life is good and bad … bad is going to come whether you want it or not… but I actually try really hard to avoid as much as possible. I don’t want to hide from life in fear or panic anymore.

Your experiences form who you are – but I don’t want that to define me or control me? So I just want to readjust that. I just don’t know how.

So whatever – I deleted that… that is way too over my head! I was meant for maybe 100 years ago – way before technology. ✌️

Happy Sunday!

The concert was amazing!! A few friends came to also support and we all sat together.

They played amazing! Loved every minute – and video’ed everything… so I will be watching those videos now for awhile lol … over and over and over … that’s my baby girl playing ❤️

After the concert she comes over and says to me … so we all going to Red Robin after the concert 😳 … um what? lol

I was not aware of this plan until that moment 🤨 – I got sideswiped with that lol …

Well fine whatever but I’m coming too… what else am I gonna do?

So they had to clean up, put away instruments, music stands, chairs etc…

So I am standing there waiting … and there was another parent waiting there also. We started talking and kind of hit it off a little bit. But whatever is just another band parent – not a big deal.

So my daughter comes over and says she’s ready to go to Red Robin … ok so I said to the parent “nice to meet you – if you going to Red Robin, we see you there”

So we left and went to Red Robin. Sure enough he shows up. We sat at a parent table, while the kids had their own huge giant table.

So all the parents are talking and we order… it was crazy cause you had a dozen separate checks … I had to tell waiter “that one is my daughter – I made her raise her hand” so waiter could get both me and her

I just had a soda and she had a soda and fries (which are bottomless)

This is evidentially a tradition after a concert – the staff was well organized for all of us (there were tons of us lol)

The parent I hit it off with was nice… Divorced – he was funny – I enjoy funny

Then when was time to leave, he said to me, so let me get your number so we can stay connected with the kids.

Umm 🤨 ok… so we exchanged numbers 😳

Then daughter and I came home, and he texted to say “Was nice meeting you tonight. That was fun.”

Not sure if asking for my number was for kids and band stuff? Or something else ? A little leery? I guess we gonna see

But I can’t imagine what I would text a band parent about? … hey do you have the sheet music from class ? Lol yeah that kinda doesn’t happen ??

But whatever

Just have guards up with that stuff and did not see any of that coming tonight. Had no idea about Red Robin afterwards … or meeting someone like that.

I’m sure it will be fine and normal 🤨

So yeah concert was amazing!! Was kind of nice. We had a really good time tonight – and I made a new parent friend ?

We have to be up early and I am exhausted from all this!! Very very sleepy!

This is really late for a school night 😮😳

Have a good night ✌️

Whew ok… covered a shift at work (woo hoo!) … could possibly work tmrw (woo hoo!), picked you daughter, pulled a “lazy mom” and got Burger King, we have one hour! We have to leave again at 5pm for the concert tonight (daughter in school orchestra) Christmas concert (woo hoo!)

I am almost done writing Christmas cards… I still have to finish that project I don’t like – so there is still that thing.

It didn’t rain ALL day today – we literally get home and down pour … we got all wet!! I said “watch it gonna be all rainy tonight” 🤨

She said “yeah some kid said that in class today” lol

Awesome 🤨

But then check this… I was playing around at lunch today online… I was reading some horoscope thing for me… I was bored

And it said something that kinda caught my attention…

It said … follow the teachings of death… it was very weird and random for it to even say something like that. 😳

But it did catch my attention … I have had ALOT of death of loved ones – way more than I could handle all at once. So I am very familiar.

So the teachings of death? What is that? Ok what are my lessons?

Well no one lives forever, and death is a restart sort of… you have to move forward after a death. Ok

So if I apply that… I have to let go of just everything… ok I will – I’m not ready lol – kidding kinda ✌️ I will …but I move slow.

Move forward and love life – don’t take for granted and enjoy what you have when you have it.

Great – this “follow the teachings of death” statement is going to make me just be thinking of how to apply and all that stuff – good to make you think though.

And even if you don’t believe in that sorta stuff – whatever – but is always good if something makes you think, whatever it is.

Ok well… I have to get all ready… and she’s eating – then she has to get on the uniform and get all ready.

Woo hoo!!! Christmas concert tonight!!! Can’t wait to see!! ❤️

Not sure if I be back? ✌️

Have a good night 💤

Ughhh soooo much rain!!

Oh c’mon!!! Supposed to rain through Sunday!! Bleh! Great.

So we going to be at this other property for awhile. Not a huge deal – we still have a place and I am VERY thankful for that… I am just tired of the rain!

Sometimes California winters are just dry and cold… and sometimes they wet and cold.

Is it summer yet?? Yes total summer girl omg!!! Bring that heat! … although ask me that again when they keep shutting off my power to prevent fires 🤨 … let’s see how summery I really am – fricken California lol

How do I move to Hawaii? Lol I wanna live there. No wild fires and no cold. I wonder what their downside is? Volcanos? Eh… they seem pretty good with handling that… maybe Tsunamis … those I am terrified of, so yeah I don’t want that – that would deter me from Hawaii lol

Where is there a perfect place? perfect weather and no scary things? Lol

This week and next week is finals at school. The kids all stressed… they were very antsy today! But it was also raining.

Tmrw night I have my daughters band concert at school… she plays the Tuba… I have to have her there for 6pm… concert starts at 7pm and goes until 9pm. We are going to be out late late late tmrw night!! Hopefully does not torrentially pour!! 😮

I do not EVER remember the climb up to Christmas being so stressful and crazy! I have a million things going on!

Monday I am actually going to go out… I have our work (school) Christmas Party… I never ever ever go out. It will be fun. We just going to enjoy for 2 hours. From 5-7, I guess… So it will be good. I like the people I work with and be nice to get out… I kinda feel like I’m trying to convince myself it will be fine lol … it will be… I just don’t go out usually so been awhile.

I’m happy … my sun is starting to shine again… I think 2020, might be the year I feel life again? I be ready? Things get better and better all the time.

Since 2016/17… it’s been horrific – just punch after punch… so I think the clouds are finally going to part this coming year. I just feel a positivity now – where before I would brace for what’s next knowing there was more …

I don’t feel that anymore? I feel a lightness coming? Hard to explain – just my life been hard yes and I still battle… but things keep falling into place.

And in life I do believe, things happen for a reason. You try to learn whatever lessons or take away something from the experience… but there is a reason … I have too many coincidences for not to be a reason …

And if you don’t learn – life going to keep throwing it at you until you do…

Like video games … you play a level… and if you die or lose in that level – you have to restart again… and keep playing until you beat that level. Then you determined to get past that level… so you keep trying to get further and further… until finally you beat that boss!

That’s kinda life? Keep at it – don’t let that level beat you?

Well anyway – whatever

So over the rain and winter! Sooo ready for summer – well let’s say spring – cause I really like having power lol 😄✌️

Have a good night ✌️

Yesterday I wasn’t feeling good at all… I got out of work and picked up daughter – we came home and I made dinner, and we ate.

After dinner, I cleaned up kitchen and got straight into bed clothes and went to lay in bed and fell asleep at like 6:30/7 pm. I was achy and run down. I had to.

I’ve been downing lemons and honey, tea, meds, etc – one of my friends even gave me some Chinese herbs that are supposed to protect again infections and coughs. It all seems to be working – it IS helping. I am feeling better today.

Had a good day at school today.

I got invited to the school Christmas Party on Monday. Monday is my daughters 13th birthday but we are having a little party and celebrating it on Friday, with the boys and her friends. The Christmas party is only until 6pm so I can still do a little birthday celebration with her.

She has seen me go through everything and tonight she saw me crying – and she’s immediately all protective “why are you crying? Are you ok?” Yeah… happy cry not bad.

Now she keeps peeking around corners telling me “I love you mom” ❤️

Well anyway… I kinda made myself tired with the not feeling the best and then crying lol… my daughter been making me laugh tonight with things

But lastly – I’ve been making hard core decisions for myself since the surgery finished… before that I was at mercy of people and that cancer…

My horoscope is Cancer, and my birthday is repeating numbers – I am all 7’s… I usually just enjoy it for entertainment purposes …

Just lately… all the things keep telling me about to be major shift for the better … which would be awesome if is correct …

It is entertainment and I don’t think too heavily with it … but that would be nice and you want to believe good stuff lol

But I kinda feel like good things keep happening lately?? I am trusting in my own self

In other news, last thought before bed … I believe I hear rain 😳

Ughhhh can I please have spring now!!! I am so ready for summer already! Totally over this winter BS!! I am not meant for winter!! My spirit animal is most definitely a bear – hibernates all winter!! That sounds amazing! Lol … just wake me when winter is over

I have to get to bed – we have early morning – hopefully not in the rain 🤨

Have a good night and I be back tmrw with more ✌️

So… I’ve told you how I am in seclusion for my own peace after going through so much in such a little time. I have been exhausted.

After my surgery, I got this job with kids that I love so very much… I have gotten attached to all these amazing kids! I feel like they are partially MY kids.

Right after that I needed a home… immediately. Ok well, I didn’t have alot…

I found a lady on Craigslist… she had a place – a tiny place and kinda run down… but it was a home for me and the kids … I don’t care what it is… I just needed a home and is all I could afford and what I could get into right away …

I liked her anyway, she had breast cancer like I did … and she lost her husband the same year I lost my father … we kinda hit it off and she’s been really amazing to me!!

So then my place had a leak and then I lost power because water got into the electrical… we staying at another kinda crappy property…

I haven’t really told her (or you, my full story yet) but she knows bits and pieces.

Well last month was Thanksgiving… I did not work the full month because of the holiday … so I am a little short 😭…

I have been desperately trying to find other work I am able to do and still handle dropping off and picking up kids and my right arm and breast kinda has problems from the breast cancer stuff.

I texted her just now to tell her – I have $500 I can give her tmrw … and then I have some other money coming in few days, I apologized and said I would pay her as soon as I am able… I always follow through and have always paid on time and in full. I am very trustworthy and honest.

Her response – makes me just cry… good cry and I am touched and there are amazing people out there …

She said … December is on me, I feel like you are family, and I know you haven’t been feeling well, so consider December as my Christmas present to you

😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️

I didn’t think I was going to have anything for my kids or what would happen to us. I am just completely touched and I can’t help but cry … again a good cry – not bad … I’m just a crier with these things – I can’t stop crying… but I am not sad

So yeah, I have angels around me ❤️

I have other things to talk about but I’m just little emotional with that right now ❤️ I’ll be back – just let me absorb ✌️

This will be a quick post… I have been awake since 4am!

The rain somehow completely shorted out my house – so NO electricity… electrician came out today and yeah there is a problem. Water came in somewhere and is shorting whole house… they will come look later in week.

Well my landlord has another vacant property – luckily… literally just went vacant last week!!! (What are chances of that, and I need now… so someone is watching out for me!!)

So today I spent all day cleaning it, so it would be really nice for the kids, and moved some of our stuff over. I am completely exhausted!!

Yeah more life stuff to deal with at the moment …

Also… I am not feeling very well… I can NOT be sick- I just have this week and next week to work – then I am off until January 😩 (sounds nice, but I need to work – I’m gonna have to take side jobs or something during that time)

Then, this Thursday my daughter has a Christmas concert for band… she plays the tuba ❤️

So yeah, I can not get sick… sorry life, I am not going to be sick!! I’ve been drinking tea, taking meds, taking a ton of vitamin C… and some people in my life are giving me recipes for things to make it go away lol

All this cold and rain… 🤨 … yeah see – summer is way better … I need to be in Hawaii lol (I wish!)

I should have more time tmrw to write a better post. I can barely see, my eyes hurt because they are so tired, and I’m feeling a little run down, I have a cold or something coming on? It was quite the day with all that. I’ll be back tmrw though ✌️

Have a good night 💤

Any down time I have, I want to try to fix some things. Or improve areas of myself… like that fear, panic etc… I don’t want those there – I want to remove them. I do not want my life to be ruled by them- I want to be free … I want to be strong … and I want to build myself strong enough to take more of whatever life is going to dish out. Good or bad… I just like to brace myself and be ready for the bad. All the bad in past 3 years just was one right after the other and left me breathless

But I don’t want those things controlling my life. So I want to try to figure out how to reset that… I would like to go back to factory installed settings? Wouldn’t that be nice – just hit reset. Lol – I wish

Ok… so I’m not very trusting towards men… friendly helpful and kind? yes… but I don’t trust them, am afraid to let anyone come in, and I am kind of fearful. I went through many years of fear and hurt. I always believed he did love me. If it came down to it… medically he’d hold my hand, he would be there. I had been there “always” for him. So I stood by him, took it. I believed it would get better.

The first surgery I ever had … 2013 … I had just come out of surgery… I don’t drink, do drugs or anything … but in surgery they give you a lot of drugs… they put me out and I had painkillers, who knows what else… anyway, he picked me up from the hospital and we came home. I laid down on the couch to sleep. I couldn’t do anything, I was so drugged up and hurting, I just wanted to sleep. My system was not used to all the medications.

He cooked himself a burrito, not even taking care of the kids, and that smell – mixed with all the medications – oh boy, my body was like “nope”

So I ran to the bathroom and VIOLENTLY started throwing up, I had never thrown up so violently in my entire life! I missed the toilet by just a little at first, but not a lot… and then once I was in there I made sure not to miss, I didn’t want a huge mess.

I have 3 kids – all birthed naturally – so because the throwing up was SO violent, it was also making me pee at the same time and there was just a horrific mess!! I had no control!

My whole chest was wrapped – I had just had surgery… Oh my god! I will never forget that… in between the violent throwing up i was yelling for help… I didn’t want to split my stitches

What did he do? He stood over me, tell me what a stupid B I was, look at this mess I created that he would have to clean up. As if I did it on purpose. I did not. And I thought he was going to kick me or hurt me, he had before, I just needed help.

When he said that to me, well fuck that… this was the one thing I thought he would hold my hand with – medical issues… instead just annoyance – no compassion, no care, no love.

When he said that he was gonna have to clean up my disgusting mess… my response was … “don’t do me any favors, I’ll do it myself”

He went off to bed. I cleaned the bathroom, still in pain, still sick, and still drugged up. Fuck it … if you can’t have compassion for a human being – much less your wife and the mother of your children… don’t do me any favors.

It was that moment – I realized I needed out… I was also afraid – we had kids. I just didn’t know how I was going to do this.

I can see that scene like it was yesterday. When I remember these things – and I’m telling this story… all those emotions from that very moment flood in. That is hard.

We had been together since we were kids. He had a lot of time to “condition” the situation.

I come from an Irish Catholic family – very old world… I was raised with a very strong Irish catholic upbringing… my dads mother was from Lithuania… I remember my great grandmother would say the rosary a lot… she only spoke Lithuanian and my grandparents had a statue of the Virgin Mary in the backyard that she would always be kneeled down in front of.

My life growing up was all that… Irish/Lithuanian/Catholic – I was severely sheltered and protected… however, let me also add this… I had a wonderful amazing incredible childhood – filled with wonder and laughter and the belief the world was good, people were good. I believed in love. I was loved. We were not exposed to anything bad or hurtful.

My parents … my mother is Irish, and my father is Irish AND Lithuanian. They met when they were 15… had an amazing incredible loving life together. They adored each other. So I do know what Love looks like – you stand behind it strongly – you just have to make sure you give that love to someone who deserves it.

Being Catholic made me not believe in divorce – only in the instance of Adultery. I truly believed in love. You can get through anything, if there is love – if you are united. It can’t just be one side. How do you even hurt anyone? I can’t ever imagine hurting someone, anyone – even a complete stranger. So that sorta stuff I had no experience with or knowledge of.

Well anyway… in 2014 – a year after my first surgery … a woman showed up at my door. To tell me she had been having a 5 year affair and let me know what they were doing together. She was also married and she had 2 kids. She said she is trying to make it work with her husband and felt the need to come clean so she may move on. Oh gee thanks

But then “that”, in my catholic eyes – freed me… I could leave now, and it wouldn’t be a sin… I could be free and done… no guilt.

I remember… it knocked the wind out of me … I just cried for 2 weeks… one day, I was still crying and then I thought something…

Ok… I want change – how do I get that… I want out… how do I do it? If nothing changes, nothing will change … so I started to plan my way out. I asked him to leave – but he would not… so I was going to have to do this.

I will tell you what I did another time, these memories are a little draining…

I do remember the first time he ever hit me. We had been married for awhile… it was 2004 when he hit me the first time, and we had been married since 1995.

What he used to do, was get mad at me for everything… he would ride on any insecurities and emotions and take those and twist things so I was always doing wrong or a bad person. I always want to be a good person… I never want to hurt or harm anyone… and this was my husband, I wanted to make him happy. So whatever he was mad at, I would try to fix.

He hated that I would get hit on all the time, even with him there… I never ever welcomed it – I have always been very quiet and I don’t want any of that attention … I have gotten it my whole life. I have always stayed away from that… my dad was very protective in regards to boys – boys started chasing when I was 11… and since then it was always an issue… and then here my husband is … and again it’s an issue…

So ok… I will avoid all circumstances at all costs… and I tried. I didn’t want my husband insecure with that stupid stuff – I married him because I loved him – plain and simple. I just wanted to be a family and build a life with him.

But you can’t control other people so it’s gonna happen. Well, one night we were at a neighborhood party that some friends were throwing. I was quiet because a lot was going on at home and whatever … so I just stayed in the kitchen with the women…

One man, who coincidently was a doctor… kept trying to talk to me… well my husband was there so no way… every time he would come over to me, I would go to the other side of the kitchen and try to pawn him off on another woman – Oh my god! Please get away from me…

Well my husband walked into the kitchen just as he was trying to talk to me… and my husband went off on me, “I led him on”… and saying horrible things to me in front of everyone. I swear I did not… i wanted nothing to do with that man… I did everything I could to get him away from me! But my husband didn’t believe me…

The doctor tried to stick up for me and say, she’s right… she wouldn’t talk to me… I kept following her… trying to talk to her.

That just enraged him more… and he asked the doctor to step outside. Are you kidding me? I want no part of that – so I said I’m going home. And I walked home, which was only about a block away.

We had a babysitter, and I paid her and sent her home. Then went to get ready for bed… the kids were asleep.

I heard the front door, swing open and hit the wall, then slam… he burst through the bedroom door, grabbed me and threw me across the room. I hit the wall really hard and fell on the floor.

I am 5’7”… 120. He is 6’ and 230… it was nothing for him.

When I fell on the floor, he jumped over the bed and then just started beating me as I laid there… I thought he was going to kill me… the look in his eyes was glazed over like he wasn’t even there… and I was in shock… I never thought he would be a man that could do that. Evidentially he was.

The only thing that got him to stop was me… begging for my life. Please don’t kill me. As I cried

After that, he got in my face again, to tell me what a worthless piece of shit I was… and I said in return … I should call 911. Well that made him angrier… and he said really bitch? Let me do that for you – he dialed it… then hung up.

Well they have to come check when there is a hang up… the officer came to the door and my husband cracked it open. I heard the cop say “everything ok?” … and my husband replied “yeah on of the kids was playing with the phone, we just got home sorry” … and that was it. The officer left

If he saw the bedroom or me… it would have been bad… I was a stay at home mom. If he went to jail there went his job. So what do you do? And I was young and in shock over what just happened. That was the first time ever. I was a deer in headlights.

I completely avoided all contact with any man… I didn’t want any issues or problems. So just remove that factor.

I am stuck with that particular conditioning now – which is why I find it so hard when I am hit on.

Not only has it caused me pain, it’s been an issue for most of my life. I run from it and it only chases me harder.

At what point does it stop??? And then how do I get over things like that… heavy emotions are tied to it, hurt, pain… so yeah I’m trying to fix these things so I can breathe again always – I want nothing crushing me or hurting me ever again.

So anyway… that’s just a small glimpse into these issues I am trying to fix. I’ll get there – in time … I’m a little slow. Working through it. But I am determined… I know what I want.

I made my life peaceful at this moment, so that I may get over or through these things and take my life back.

I haven’t really spoken about the abuse before. It’s hard. Maybe if I let it out, I can move past it? Release it? I don’t want to carry that pain anymore. I am tired

Well whatever, that’s some of it. A million times I wanted to write today. And I would write these big long posts and cry and then think “no wait.. I’m not ready” and I would delete it and start again … well when am I going to be ready?

I try to think of it like diving into a pool… if you feel the water first and it’s cold… you are going to be hesitant to jump in.

But if you hold your breath and just jump… it’s not that I feel a fear telling these things – it’s more so incredibly personal things that cause heavy emotions and I am throwing out there – I am allowing it to be told.

And I have that stupid part of me that is like “wait!!! You are not ready” … so fuck it… I wanna be ready. I need to fix these things – I want to be free from it. I don’t want to continue to carry that heaviness. So I am about to hold my breath… and hit publish. Whew ok… don’t think about it- just do it!!! Hardest thing ever. I feel like… vulnerable and at mercy speaking of it…

But is ok… people go through things… and maybe help someone else ? Or someone can relate ? I dunno, I just need to fix and get over things. So there is some of it. Bleh

Have a good night 💤