So today I was just cleaning house and organizing – preparing meals etc…

When my phone rings and it is from MY school – the administration ?? Huh that’s odd – they never ever call when I am off work… what could be the purpose?

So I answer… it’s a recording…

Immediately the recording starts out that ALL Staff and ALL students are safe … right away my heart sank!! This was not going to be a good call…

It continued to say … there was a student threat against my school, and the student has been detained by the police department and will face expulsion among other charges. 😮

And then we will be having armed guards at school for 2 weeks 😳

I don’t understand kids with this sorta stuff- do they not realize the impact or terror this has?

I don’t even know what to say. This wasn’t the norm when I grew up.

This is the one thing that makes me uncomfortable working at a school. We actually have lock down drills for this stuff!! We do them like fire alarms – by surprise and then see how long takes for everyone to get safe. 🤨 I am glad we do it to be safe – but I don’t like those drills.

Kids should not have to fear shit like this – it’s ridiculous

There is a commercial I saw right after I got this job – it gave me a very uncomfortable feeling …

That commercial sent chills down my spine – It still does – I can’t watch that video. It makes my stomach turn really bad.

How do we fix our kids when they are exposed to so many things?? Is overload, they are desensitized and do not think things through.

I dunno – I’m not scared – when it’s my time, it’s my time… (not to be funny in a serious matter – but I do get a funeral discount)

But I am not scared. That commercial and the thought of something like that ever happening – it does turn my stomach, but I am not scared.

I just feel sorry and sad. But I guess that’s the world today 🤨 (wtf)

Well anyway… I am off to go out to dinner with my kids for Valentine’s day ❤️ woo hoo! Enjoying my moments – well while I’m waiting on people getting ready 🤨🙄😄 (they look the same as they did when they started getting ready lol – but whatever)

Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️

I know there was an LLC… but I don’t know the name of it… is there a way I can search by his name or social security number?

If I go to my state controllers office they need the name of the LLC…

How do I look that up? – I am doing homework so I am not screwed

We were married 21 years… he says we had nothing … that is not true… he is “for sure” hiding both money and vehicles

If no one else will help me – I will research on my own.

So does anyone have any information on this ??

I was dumb to trust someone so much so I am trying to dig out,.. can you help with information? Thank you!

I am not sure if it has posted twice or not? I only posted the post about being harder ONCE!!

But it’s showing on my site being double posted? I don’t understand so whatever – just mentioning. Not sure how to delete or fix that so whatever 🤨 or maybe it’s a glitch? I have no idea

I am trying to read posts and I was reading a post and it suddenly tells me my post was posted 🤨 but I already did that over an hour ago!!

I just don’t understand so whatever – definitely not dealing with this at the moment 🤨 just FYI – I don’t understand why or how did that? So whatever

My landlord … she’s just amazing – she always checks on me. Makes sure I am ok. I feel, I dunno? She makes me feel safe. She makes me feel good – not afraid.

Every month I pay my rent in full on time – no matter what.

She knows I struggle … she knows my story now.

For the month of December – she wouldn’t let me pay rent because she said that was my Christmas present from her. ❤️ … and because of that – I was able to get my kids a few gifts from me … if it hadn’t been for that… I would have had nothing for them. 😢

I was very thankful … when she did that I just cried – yeah I am a crier with stuff like that.

So she’s been out of town and just got back and I texted her “hey – I have the rent, let me know when you are around and I’ll stop in and give to you”

To which she replied… you can give to me tmrw, but are you sure is not a hardship? I don’t want you stressing

She is always checking ❤️ I love her for that… I don’t ever take advantage of anyone for any reason and she helps me when I do truly need it – without her during Christmas – I don’t even know what to say.

And then, I want to pay rent in full on time … I don’t want to owe – if wasn’t for her and allowing me to rent this place here… she gave me the peace of the country, she kinda gives me a feeling of family even though she is not blood, and I’m not under her mercy… she’s amazing to me.

I don’t know where I’d be without her allowing me to come here. She gave me a safe place for me and my daughter and good home.

I just got my new job so that will help some unless courts decide to take money away? I only make minimum wage.

My oncologist tells me “ I dunno what’s stressing you out? But I NEED you to get rid of whatever it is? I need you to have no stress or as little as possible in your life” ha! Yeah!

Lol … I don’t really answer him… what am I gonna say? That’s impossible right now? I just smile and say “ok I’ll work on that.”

What does he want me to do? Die? Cause yeah I got stress – I handle the best I can … is what is.

He just doesn’t want me stressed cause he says that can relapse the cancer even with the breast tissue gone.

I don’t tell her what he tells me… cause she will just worry about me more. I’m ok. I’m getting through it.

One thing I really need to learn – is how NOT to cry with these things … how do I make myself harder ???

I need to be hard in court. I am not allowed to cry there. So I don’t know how to do that yet – I am soft

But anyway… my landlord is an amazing person!! I am thankful and lucky to have found her and be here!! It has been the world to me…

I have a home for my daughter … and I work very hard … we don’t always have things – like new clothes or even sometimes I go bare bones with food…

I have amazing friends who always tell me … if you need food here is my key… you come and you shop on my cabinets in fridge

So again – how do you not cry??? Even my former boss at the golf course tells me – if you need food you come here – I will get you food. Everything for you is free.

I don’t like to ask for help – and I want to learn to do for myself … when I am desperate and my daughter is with me – we will go to someone’s house for dinner or whatever. They always send us home with food.

People have been amazing to me through all of this. ❤️

But anyway… I was speaking of my landlord … I want to pay rent in full every month – on time… eventually – I want to be in a better position and I want to use her as a reference, as her tenant. I want her to say – she is a good tenant – she pays every month and is a hard worker

I also don’t want to ever owe her – I know she is kind and probably means what she says – I like that I can kinda take her at face value even though I am kinda guarded …

I made a commitment and I want to hold true to it. I keep my promises, my beliefs and my morals. I don’t take on something if I don’t think I can do it.

I know she doesn’t need the money… it’s not that… I pay in full every month for myself – I am very humbled and umm??? Appreciate her kindness … but just let me.

Last week I did something for her … and then she wanted to pay me for gas for doing for her – I said no … I told her you help me always – I appreciate that… and if ever I need leeway – then I will ask. But until then … let me do.

Anyway … she really is amazing. She actually cares ❤️

So yeah that sorta thing does make me soft and makes me cry… so I have to learn and figure out how to be stronger in that area.

I’ve just been hurt so I dont know how to do that??? I don’t how not to cry with that soft stuff … I can feel it in my heart and then that creates the lump in my throat … and then when I speak of – it just downpours

So I have to figure out how to NOT BE soft!!! Or sensitive ?? I am not allowed to be that way for court so I need to figure this out. I don’t even know where to begin.

How do you become strong in this area? I really have amazing people in my life ❤️ I am truly blessed – how do you not cry with that? Or things?

I have to train myself to be harder for court – but I just don’t know how? I’m supposed to be all hard and I don’t know how to do that.

My landlord … she’s just amazing – she always checks on me. Makes sure I am ok. I feel, I dunno? She makes me feel safe. She makes me feel good – not afraid.

Every month I pay my rent in full on time – no matter what.

She knows I struggle … she knows my story now.

For the month of December – she wouldn’t let me pay rent because she said that was my Christmas present from her. ❤️ … and because of that – I was able to get my kids a few gifts from me … if it hadn’t been for that… I would have had nothing for them. 😢

I was very thankful … when she did that I just cried – yeah I am a crier with stuff like that.

So she’s been out of town and just got back and I texted her “hey – I have the rent, let me know when you are around and I’ll stop in and give to you”

To which she replied… you can give to me tmrw, but are you sure is not a hardship? I don’t want you stressing

She is always checking ❤️ I love her for that… I don’t ever take advantage of anyone for any reason and she helps me when I do truly need it – without her during Christmas – I don’t even know what to say.

And then, I want to pay rent in full on time … I don’t want to owe – if wasn’t for her and allowing me to rent this place here… she gave me the peace of the country, she kinda gives me a feeling of family even though she is not blood, and I’m not under her mercy… she’s amazing to me.

I don’t know where I’d be without her allowing me to come here. She gave me a safe place for me and my daughter and good home.

I just got my new job so that will help some unless courts decide to take money away? I only make minimum wage.

My oncologist tells me “ I dunno what’s stressing you out? But I NEED you to get rid of whatever it is? I need you to have no stress or as little as possible in your life” ha! Yeah!

Lol … I don’t really answer him… what am I gonna say? That’s impossible right now? I just smile and say “ok I’ll work on that.”

What does he want me to do? Die? Cause yeah I got stress – I handle the best I can … is what is.

He just doesn’t want me stressed cause he says that can relapse the cancer even with the breast tissue gone.

I don’t tell her what he tells me… cause she will just worry about me more. I’m ok. I’m getting through it.

One thing I really need to learn – is how NOT to cry with these things … how do I make myself harder ???

I need to be hard in court. I am not allowed to cry there. So I don’t know how to do that yet – I am soft

But anyway… my landlord is an amazing person!! I am thankful and lucky to have found her and be here!! It has been the world to me…

I have a home for my daughter … and I work very hard … we don’t always have things – like new clothes or even sometimes I go bare bones with food…

I have amazing friends who always tell me … if you need food here is my key… you come and you shop on my cabinets in fridge

So again – how do you not cry??? Even my former boss at the golf course tells me – if you need food you come here – I will get you food. Everything for you is free.

I don’t like to ask for help – and I want to learn to do for myself … when I am desperate and my daughter is with me – we will go to someone’s house for dinner or whatever. They always send us home with food.

People have been amazing to me through all of this. ❤️

But anyway… I was speaking of my landlord … I want to pay rent in full every month – on time… eventually – I want to be in a better position and I want to use her as a reference, as her tenant. I want her to say – she is a good tenant – she pays every month and is a hard worker

I also don’t want to ever owe her – I know she is kind and probably means what she says – I like that I can kinda take her at face value even though I am kinda guarded …

I made a commitment and I want to hold true to it. I keep my promises, my beliefs and my morals. I don’t take on something if I don’t think I can do it.

I know she doesn’t need the money… it’s not that… I pay in full every month for myself – I am very humbled and umm??? Appreciate her kindness … but just let me.

Last week I did something for her … and then she wanted to pay me for gas for doing for her – I said no … I told her you help me always – I appreciate that… and if ever I need leeway – then I will ask. But until then … let me do.

Anyway … she really is amazing. She actually cares ❤️

So yeah that sorta thing does make me soft and makes me cry… so I have to learn and figure out how to be stronger in that area.

I’ve just been hurt so I dont know how to do that??? I don’t how not to cry with that soft stuff … I can feel it in my heart and then that creates the lump in my throat … and then when I speak of – it just downpours

So I have to figure out how to NOT BE soft!!! Or sensitive ?? I am not allowed to be that way for court so I need to figure this out. I don’t even know where to begin.

How do you become strong in this area? I really have amazing people in my life ❤️ I am truly blessed – how do you not cry with that? Or things?

I have to train myself to be harder for court – but I just don’t know how? I’m supposed to be all hard and I don’t know how to do that.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day … which “bleh”… is not my favorite 😝 …

I show my love to those I love – all year long – pretty much daily … people who are in my life, are well aware how much they mean to me… I don’t need one day for that. And then, I don’t know… it’s just a heavy holiday to me – I don’t like it currently – which is a little on the humorous side, because I am very loving and all about love – I just don’t like Valentine’s Day?? Weird but whatever

I will get to have my family night with all my kids and that’s my special valentine ❤️ I have 3 of them 💗💗💗

And at school – we don’t celebrate any holidays – because we are respectful of those who don’t celebrate anything, such as Jehovah’s Witnesses etc… then also sensitive to other religions and you just never want any child to feel left out or sad because their families are poor and can’t afford to let them give things to their friends. So we just do NOT celebrate – makes it easier.

So I dunno… Valentine’s has definitely not been on my radar at all… I keep forgetting all about it.

But today… tons of kids came and gave me Valentine’s!! I didn’t expect anything so I was kinda blown away and touched by that!!!

One gave me a heart shaped box of chocolates ❤️… I got a bunch of heart shaped lollipops, I got a super cool pencil with those leads that if you break it – you pop that piece out and put it in the top and out comes a brand new lead piece (if you have ever had one, you will know what I am speaking about) it’s wicked cool!!! And then I got some really cool Valentine’s cookie pops? And hundreds of Valentine’s cards – the little kind they pass out to friends and then also homemade ones ❤️

I was kinda surprised – and they gave me hugs 🤗… I have the sweetest most compassionate kids ever ❤️

For a moment – that made me love Valentine’s Day … it’s just a hard holiday with my family gone and everything else. I have not processed enough for me to enjoy that holiday. It’s just hard

But those kids today ❤️ they just brighten my world everyday!! They are amazing!!!

And then we had some milks that were going to expire – they will just throw them out – they always ask me if I want to bring to all my friends … so I will take those and I go around to some of my elderly friends who have either had a spouse die or don’t have a lot… and I bring them the milks…

My elderly friends are always excited to have company for a moment (some are shut ins) so I stay and chat for a minute, make sure they doing ok, ask if they need anything and drop off some of the milks – which they are thrilled about lol

They always ask me how I am, is everything ok? I told them today about my new job and then oh boy were they curious!! They wanted to know if was creepy, and then were asking me all kinds of questions like cost of a funeral, cremation vs burial etc … I felt a little weird with that but whatever – I don’t want them ever dying lol (I know it’s life – it’s gonna happen – I just don’t wanna think about it with them) they were just curious.

Anyway… they are all doing good and shared stories with me about stuff going on with them. They don’t get out a lot, some don’t have family, and some just severely keep to themselves (except with me) Like I said, they enjoy the company and free stuff lol – plus if they need help with anything and I can help them – I do. Is good to check on them from time to time. They need that.

So anyway, was a really nice day! ❤️

Plus … I think spring is here – please let spring be here!!! I want spring – is like spring today – it better not be a tease!!!

It’s beautiful outside today!!!! The sun ☀️ is shining brightly… it’s really warm out!! Just right temp!!

Can it just stay like this?? I like this!!! ALOT!!! Everything is blooming and you can smell spring… so winter better not show back up!!! I’m already over it! I was over it 2 months ago lol 😄✌️

So yeah – pretty awesome day today! ❤️ still not a fan of Valentine’s – but I suppose in some areas – it’s not THAT bad and can be very heart warming. So I will go with that. Today my Valentine’s did not suck! (Tmrw won’t suck either because I will be with all my actual kids – the ones I gave birth to lol)

Also really enjoyed seeing my elderly friends today… I try to visit every 2 weeks if I can. Love those visits.

And such a beautiful gorgeous day ❤️ a day that reminds you how amazing it is to be alive ❤️

At peace today ❤️✌️ hope your day is amazing too

Outside of my crappy stuff – I have a life lol … I’m taking a break from my crappy stuff – I speak of another time …

Today a kid showed me courage and good morals – I was impressed by this kid – I really can’t share the details … but this kid was raised right. I am proud of this person for doing what they did – was not easy for a kid or any person to do. They have my respect totally! Very impressive to see

Also, one of my favorite kids who is so bright and just needs to believe in herself (and I was making breakthroughs with her!!) She was starting to believe in herself and I am her cheerleader… She’s my triple threat girl… beautiful, smart and street smart… she will go far if she can harness that… I hope she always believes she can do anything!!

Anyway she told me she’s moving away soon ☹️… the family struggles – they are moving in with other family.

Awww ☹️… I will miss her!!!

I don’t wanna lose any of my kids!!! I got really attached to all of them!!!! Some are gonna be graduating and I will be excited for them…

But I’m gonna miss them all!!! Very much!

One boy today said he was having hard time… his parents fight… but I said … well you will be graduating and then move on to your own life – you only have a moment more…

And then he said … well I don’t wanna grow up and be an adult – I’m not ready

Lol – you and me both kid lol

I asked him what he wants to do or what he’s interested in? He didn’t know.

He doesn’t really have a solid direction

We help them through school – but these kids – some are gonna find life really hard without a direction.

I do kinda worry for them – I do want the best for all of them!! They have really brightened my world over this past School year ❤️

They came into my life right after I finished my cancer – so I dunno if that’s it? But I care for these kids!!! Life is hard – I don’t want them to suffer

Anyway… these kids mean the world to me – I want the best for all of them!! I want to protect all of them!!

Can’t really save the world – but these are amazing kids!!

Well anyway … that was my life today. Tmrw I have the little ones

I love my life in these areas ❤️ they are so bright and full of life … funny and witty… life has not brought them down a few notches yet… I hope it never does

Oh yeah… and I have not talked about this in awhile – but there is one male teacher – a math teacher – I call him Mr Math lol… he is a stereo type mr math teacher lol

I like him though, he is peaceful – kinda nerdy and funny… nice guy… we always chit chat… he rides on my wave length – likes video games – enjoys the kids – just a good guy – I enjoy talking to him (no spark or anything – just a good guy)

I thought he was around MY age- ish… I knew I was older – nowadays I am always older 🤨

But today I learned he is young young young!! Although I call you young, if you are younger than me lol – but he’s young!! Not that there is anything wrong with that lol – I just hate always being old lol

Today we were talking about a family member of his… and I asked if mental illness ran in family – he said yes … schizophrenia and bipolar 😳 … oh ok yikes

Interesting things you learn – well this family member is getting to be too much so he’s not sure what to do.

Is a hard situation – I just listened. You can try to help, but if they don’t want help- what can you do? They have to be ready – every person is different

Anyway – that was my day

I’m gonna have days off 😮… I don’t work Friday and then have my kids … and then Monday is Presidents’ Day here in the United States 🇺🇸 – so no school!!!

Here is the history on that:

https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/presidents-day

I will be working funeral home again this weekend!!! Woooo hooo!!! It feels a little weird to be excited about going to a funeral home?? But I’m really liking that job so far at this moment – I do hope that continues. I haven’t had anything big or major yet so we see how I handle that 😳 … luckily they are easing me into it.

Gnite ✌️