Everyday gets a little more and more frightening… I try to refocus myself on other things or talk about something else OTHER THAN this virus!! But that’s becoming impossible!!

I just received a phone call from my funeral home… we were just deemed essential personnel… so we have to stay operational to a degree…

ALL funeral arrangements or memorials are now on hold until further notice… ONLY one staff member in building permitted at a time… so I will be covering the weekends myself… and possibly take any extra days should anyone fall ill…

IF I myself become ill, I need to notify them immediately and not come to work.

Ok… whew. I got this. I get to still work… am I afraid? Little bit… but is moments I can somewhat have a glimmer of a life?

I won’t have anything to do… or very much I can imagine. I will be disinfecting every single area for sure!! It’s going to be really quiet!! I will still have my window to the world there ? But it’s scary.

I didn’t expect it to become this crazy. I’m really not sure what to think.

I will be locked away from others and still have a job – so that’s good… but also scary how everything is happening.

Everyday more and more restrictions are coming down.

I think of all the events so far this year…

I just got this funeral home job back at the beginning of February before all this started going crazy… before that I just had the school… thank god I had gotten another job… and again we are now deemed essential personnel … so I can still work.

We are just really giving up life as we knew it. Now I am scared. Not scared to work… but scared what’s happening and scared of what will be on the other side of all this. And will the world be ok?? I want to believe yes… and I do think eventually be ok… but I’m worried about all the deaths to possibly come.

Hope you are all keeping safe and well. Hope you are surviving.

Today began with me up really early and heading up to my daughters school to grab her packet from band… she plays the tuba

Yes… my teeny tiny daughter – smallest in her class – picked the tuba 🤨 lol … she’s really good at it though!!

She picked it when I was going through all my cancer things … I told her – that’s really LARGE I won’t be able to help you lug that thing around – that’s gonna be all on you… but she insisted … and this little woman lugs that thing around like a champ!! Lol … along with a back pack that I swear is like 1000 pounds!!! I can not lift either one – even now!!

But she proudly loves that Tuba. 🎶

Anyway… I left her at home sleeping this morning as I went to get the packet…

I have suddenly morphed into this completely socially inept person!!! Oh my god! Today I could not function normally 😮😳

At the school, I stayed many feet away from other people even while talking to some lol… and the teacher handed me the packet and I gingerly took it… wanted out of there as soon as possible – I didn’t even want to be breathing that school room air!!! He however, went on and on about how my daughter is so amazing with the tuba lol… normally I would have soaked that up and want to hear all about it… that’s my baby and he thinks she’s amazing… but today I just couldn’t wait to be out of that classroom!! Ok great, good to hear… thanks… Oh my god! Get me out!! Lol

Alright well that was done… whew… hopefully I am still safe…

I haven’t stocked piled like other people and my other grocery store is practically empty – so I went to a high end grocery store – they actually DID have stuff and the store looked put together, somewhat stocked and nice…

Still though … everytime someone walked by me … I held my breath – literally… Oh my god! Don’t breath on me lol

What is wrong with me? Lol … normally I am completely normal-ish…. today I just could not function!

And when someone actually spoke to me – I stuttered on my words!!! I hate when I stutter, is only when I am highly uncomfortable and can’t function properly lol – I just trip on certain words… and then that makes it worse cause I get nervous lol… normally I don’t typically have issues… but once in a blue moon it happens if I am highly uncomfortable and nervous enough.

Anyway… so quickly grabbed 2 things and got out of there as fast as possible.

Ahhh whew… now I am safe from people lol … and I drove home…

When I got home – my little lady is all dressed and doing her hair 🤨… Hi mum! … so I did this report and worked on this today… and my friend wants to know if maybe we could go to the zip line park? 🤨

Lol Oh my god! She’s good lol … but I said … well let me talk to the mother…

So she gives me the mothers number and the mom told me she only plans to let kids play for maybe an hour… and is bringing hand sanitizer- and they have rules – no touching face, stay away from others, etc etc…

Alright well, I suppose I can let her have an hour … I stayed myself, kept an eye on her and actually also did enjoy the quick hour of socialization with the other mother – she was hilarious – we laughed and talked the whole time… that really releases a lot of tension!

I still kept a distance from her as we talked and laughed, but neither one of us minded that. We were out in the fresh air and it was nice… kinda cold today but glad we went out for an hour like that.

We got home and she did some more school work… I did some also… but while I was working on mine… a dear friend from my police department called to make sure I was doing ok. Then I was distracted lol

Was my old office manager from the PD who has since retired… I miss her ❤️ – I always answer for her!!

We chatted and checked on each other in that way… she’s doing good but COMPLETELY isolated – she is in her mid 70’s and has many health issues! So she hasn’t been out in weeks… she said 2 weeks ago she went to store really early in morning and that’s been it… her son and his family have been taking care of her and they are all isolated now.

Everyone going stir crazy, and I’m over here not functioning with people when I do have to go out lol

Anyway… I feel like I’ve had a full day!! Lol

I’m still trying to explain the seriousness to my daughter with this whole situation but her and her friends are just not quite understanding.

So today I had to put it another way … I said … let’s say you go out and be with your friends – what if you catch this and bring this back to me? Granted I am not elderly yet (although on occasion feel that way lol) … but I have had health issues … like with the cancer or whatever else… what if I die? How would that make you feel you gave it to someone and it compromised their life?

So her little face then looked really sad and concerned. I think it sunk in …

I told her … this is why so many precautions are being taken – there are no meds yet, there is no vaccine so… you just have to understand.

It’s hard because she’s at that age where her life is just starting to begin and she’s starting to get her own life…

And then suddenly – no more school, no more friends, stay at home always, no more contact , no nothing – she is on that cell phone giggling with all her friends as I write this.

It’s just for the moment. It is weird and different.

I don’t particularly mind the isolation – for the most part – I was already there … I just didn’t totally avoid people lol

I suddenly don’t know how to be around people without thinking they gonna get me sick- it spiderwebs too much and too fast.

So now I am isolated AND socially inept lol – wonderful lol

We had a good day though and we are both smiling, and tired

Hope everyone else is safe, healthy, and doing ok.

Have a good night ✌️

It’s still pouring out currently … No more water has come in my house!! The patches the landlord did have been holding up really well – we are nice warm and dry… and I am not running around with towels and emptying buckets lol … yay!!

I had to take a class for school today online … I have to do this every so often anyway. My daughter did some of her schoolwork while I did mine.

Then my son came over and spent the rest of the day with us … not leaving until 8:30pm ❤️ I love when he comes over!!

I totally enjoyed the isolation… is my kids ..so I’m not socially distancing from my kids. But we can isolate together ❤️

My daughter and her friends are trying to make all kinds of plans… 🤨 … schools out and these people think it’s vacation time 🤨… ehhh wrong! Try again lol

The boys always just took my answer and that was the end of it…

The girl… has a case to plead, reasons why I should allow this, and examples of how careful they will be 🤨…

First they planned a week full of fun and sleepovers at everyone’s house… every parent said no… lol … c’mon did they really think that was gonna fly??!!

Now… they wanna go to some park and play at the park… yeah umm not gonna happen. This is not “close down the schools to get together anyway and have awesome fun vacation time everyday” 🤨

This is not vacation!

I get that they are out of school, and I know it gets annoying to be home constantly, and they wanna see each other… but not a good idea at this moment in time

Whew … this was only day 1 of her time off school 😳😑 … she has school work to be doing and this is NOT the time to amp up the socializing 🤨

Her and her friends figure… they were all in school last Friday so if one of them had it, they all would have it by now 🤨 … nice try

If was only one friend for one sleepover, ONE night… then MAYBE … but this is a group of about ten 13 year old girls 😳🤨 there is a whole pack of them!!

Right now I told her, let’s just see how this goes… it is definitely not vacation time… the final week off is her spring break week… so… IF we actually do get to go back… that week I will loosen the reigns as long as her work is completed and is safe to do so.

I can see her little mind working on what plan they could come up with that might possibly be feasible. 🤨

Tmrw we have to run up to her school, one of her teachers sent everyone an email saying to come pick up packets tmrw between 9 and 10am… so doing that tmrw morning

I will have to think of something to make this not so bad. 🤔 I don’t want this to be a vacation because it’s not… and I don’t want this to be like prison either. I do want her aware of the seriousness and what’s happening around her and why… totally know it sucks!

We will have to come up with some ideas together to make this a little better. I was totally not prepared for this whole entire situation! Lol

On the flip side… I only have 5 years left before she turns 18… I have this opportunity to soak up this time with her before she suddenly needs to grow up so fast!! ❤️

Last night when I came home from work, I walked in the door, said hello to my daughter… she was laying on the couch laughing and chatting with a friend, but cheerfully greeted me – Hi mum! How was work? Good thanks, how was your day? Good she replied, as she just giggled with one of her friends lol – teenage girls 🙄

Suddenly I hear this weird noise in the kitchen?? 😳 I went in the kitchen and started looking around and trying to listen where sound was coming from …

It was one of the cabinets 🤔… I keep this particular cabinet empty… it’s oddly placed right above the sink, but when I opened the cabinet Oh my god! Water just poured out everywhere 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮

I had a leak… so I quickly started grabbing towels and placed a bucket inside the cabinet to catch anymore water!! It was quite crazy!

It had stopped raining when I had gotten home, so there were not any further issues and no other leaks I noticed 😳

I messaged my landlord about it and something else that I was just simply talking about to her – Yesterday it was not torrential rains and I totally thought we were in spring and past all this winter crap!!! So thought was gonna be fine… I had made it through winter

Then this morning, before my alarm even went off to get up … Oh my god! Torrential rains woke me up from sleep!! 😮😳

I have a front window and the water is just pouring in… omg … so I have towels but it’s soaking them!!! Luckily I have that bucket in the cabinet, which I showed my daughter yesterday and told her she will have to keep eye on bucket if we get more rain- please empty every so often!!

My landlord had done patches to the roof the last time this all happened … but with this rain like this, they are failing!! The rain is heavy and constant this morning (this will be a great commute to work 😑)

It’s way toooo early in the morning for this!! Just now 5am 😮…

Well… nothing I can really do except have buckets at this moment – and tell my landlord.

I will have to message a few people to come and just check on my daughter today – she’s 13 but still. I will be gone working all day. I don’t want her floating away!! And want to make sure electricity doesn’t go out 😳

So far… every week in March has started completely crazy!! 😳 This has been an insane month!!

Well I might as well get ready for work now, 🤨 … I have the buckets situated with towels but those are not doing the greatest job and not sure how long will hold up with this hard “boring” rain… this is going to be fun shit! (Being sarcastic)

Lol god is like … you think my rain is boring? – here let me show you boring 🤨😄😄✌️

Like an old clock ticks – are the way the drips sound… these are the days of my life 🤨✌️

Ughh 2020!! My goodness

Good morning … it’s a nice quiet morning here today… it’s supposed to be stormy this weekend 🤨…

While I do love storms… California storms are boring. Not that I want a storm of total destruction – I do NOT! But our rain is just boring… cold and boring… even the thunder and lightening storms, although sometimes, in the country at my house, they are pretty spectacular!! I love it when it shakes my house! But is rare.

So… boring rain, off and on for the weekend… it is overcast and kinda spitting at the moment.

I have this HUGE picture window in the office … we sit on a busy street in the big city…

Sometimes the window just hypnotizes me… you can watch people, see the cars, see what the weather does – I really love that window! My window to the world kinda lol … since I’m all locked up and by myself here.

As I look outside today… the cars are very few … not like usual… maybe it will pick up as day goes on – it is still early on a Saturday morning.

Once in awhile, I can tend to be a little teeny tiny bit superstitious … just with certain things … I try not to think with those things cause I don’t like being superstitious with anything… because it can’t be real, can it? Let’s be logical

But there’s this old wives tale… ok I hate this one cause it makes my hair stand up, and my heart pump …

It is regarding “crows”… if you see 3 crows in your yard or the yard of where you are … someone who is close to you or that you know or love, will die. There will be a death in your life… Oh my god! See!!! That one is horrible!! I hate that one!!!

Ok so I am not a big fan of seeing crows … a big flock is fine … but otherwise they make me nervous…

As I was looking out the big window all by myself here this morning…

One single crow flew into the yard … ok I hope he did not bring any friends – one is fine … but I immediately start scanning for any others …

This happened last weekend too… just one crow… ok one is fine. But then again this weekend – still just one and he’s gone now

It just gives me a little nervous feeling. Like I better brace??

Yeah I know – it’s just an old wives tale … but happened just before my father died, and again with my grandfather, and also grandmother … so 3 times it was correct or ya know … I saw the 3 crows right before they died each time.

So yeah kinda makes me nervous to see crows at all!! Shoo- go away! Lol

Again I know is just a superstition but still gives me the chills and makes me feel weird. And with all this stupid panic stuff and virus crap… I don’t want to being seeing 3 crows!!

But it was only one – so it’s ok right now… as long as he doesn’t bring 2 friends with him – I’m good!! Has to be 3.

Anyway… he has flown away for now… but just is in my head now. Stay away crows!! No crows!!

I really hate THAT old wives tale!

… but I don’t like to see crows … it’s not that I “want” to believe… but it gives me a very uneasy feeling.

So during family night tonight 🤨… my phone which I keep in kitchen while we play was going off like insane!!

First was my kids school telling me they no longer have school … all schools around us are now completely closed…

Ok fine – took that call… put the phone down and went back and sat down and it goes crazy again 🤨

Is my school updating the school community … ok fine – put that down… walked back sat down…

And again… it’s my school again now giving us staff information for staff only… ok fine … but this time I am taking my phone with me 🤨…

So all schools are closed until April 13th… at which time they hope will be a little less threatening … thats one month from today 😮 so just wow! That’s a lot of time off! Too bad I can’t go anywhere lol

Then my phone rings again… 🤨… my phone just wouldn’t stop tonight!!!

This time it was my mother’s nursing home (memory care facility – Alzheimer’s) 😮😮😮 … they have completely closed their doors … no visitors allowed until further notice

Ok so hopefully that keeps my mother safe 🙏🙏🙏 please dear god!!! Omg … I don’t think I could handle totally losing her!! So I am glad they are doing that!!

It’s been a night 🤨 I couldn’t turn off the phone completely cause I can’t miss those calls.

But was just constant tonight!!

Oh well still got a chance to hang and to be with all my kids ❤️

Oh and then my funeral home boss called – I will be alone again tmrw lol.

So alright – grand central! Lol 😑

I “want” to say… could it GET any crazier… but I don’t want to know the answer to that… but it’s really surreal! I can’t believe all this is just happening!