I love living in the country… is awesome and peaceful and beautiful ❤️

Has brought me a lot of peace just being out here. The air feels just so clean and amazing to breathe… it’s so beautiful out here – everything is… anywhere you look… just beauty.

It’s quiet… there is silence except and occasional dog bark in the distance or maybe a moo here and there lol … oh and coyotes … they are loud 🤨 … but no one bothers you (not to sound like a hermit) … it’s nice – there is peace for me here. It has brought me a lot of solace! ❤️

Some of my friends keep talking about me moving back into life … coming back to modern civilization lol ✌️

But I kinda don’t want to lol … they chat with me and say stuff like … well when you eventually move back into the city 🤨😄

Yeah umm … about that 😄😄 … I’m thinkin no

I don’t have to answer to anyone… so yeah… that’s gonna be a no. For right now… maybe always – I love it here!! I do kinda like being in 1985 lol …kidding but there ARE similarities lol

But yeah I still need this… and I love this so ya know?

I don’t see what the big deal is… they throw everything at me like um… oh the commute time be less in the city… be closer to everything… have people … good wifi 😑

But eh… whatever … I would rather have my piece of my own serenity

I will move on. But I don’t know how will be. It’s just different.

They like modern stuff … I like 1985 lol …but whatever, to each his own right? Lol

You know how… sometimes in life things “just happen” and it actually fits really well?

That’s what happened… I mentioned it to them when I found the place and instantly they didn’t like lol … I kinda didn’t listen.

They said is outside my realm, not who I am … so what I am girly … I just like it out here.

And then they think I need a man to handle instead lol 😄 … like I don’t do a good job myself or something lol … it’s just because I have never been on my own before.

But this all just all fell into place … like it was supposed to happen?? Like just so perfectly … I found it … called the lady … was nervous cause my friends had me questioning this too… but then it all just worked …. and everything fell into place… even with coincidences!! It was just meant to be.

And then I can’t say enough how much I love it out here. I just love the silence and beauty of it. There is a calmness … and I get away.

Yeah umm there are downsides here and there … but I love it more than those bother me.

If I do think about moving back into town… ughhh I kinda cringe. So I don’t think it’s right.

I trusted myself to get here, was little nervous and it’s been hard – but did amazing … do pretty good surviving California wilderness lol … I am learning

I am just happier – I want to keep this for now.

I got spoiled … I love it too much… every day it is beautiful here … even in bad boring weather, and I have privacy and peace … my soul is at ease here. There it is… that’s why my answer is no… I want my soul at ease. I kinda want that all the time lol … but definitely for my home.

I love where I am… and I do love my life… I am free here … so I’m supposed to be exactly where I am right now. For now.

I am the one who chooses my direction… and if it’s gonna feel right – I’m gonna do it. I DO think it over before jumping – I am NOT a jumper. I am a planner… I started to plan but this did fall into place pretty quick though – I started the ball rolling and then held my breath and hoped.

They were all shocked … and then I also think they figured be too much for me, wouldn’t end up working out and I be back… and that didn’t happen – opposite of that happened ❤️

This just feels right to be here ? So far my life feels like is healing. So I’m gonna be staying lol ✌️

I also feel very safe here… very protected … I live on a gated ranch way out there – my boys call my road “the rollercoaster road” … I love that too!! – cause it is ❤️

So how do you not love? Peace, beauty, calm, privacy, space, protection, safety… other than country mishaps and bugs – what is the downside again?

I was meant to be here ❤️

Ps not all my friends push for me to come back… I also have ones who understand and are supportive. The ones who want me back are my worriers and ones that miss me, they just want the best for me, how they think or see. So I understand. ❤️

Ok so… not sure if I am copy pasting or connecting page right ? Hopefully yes…

I love anything fun… and I love music… here is an awesome post to make you think of music and fun-ness 🎶❤️🎶 …

Brilliant… check it out…

Mixitup and Playme Now!

So… to play for a minute…

Let’s see 15 songs with “crazy” being the theme.. this was not totally easy… but here are my choices …

1.) Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy” https://youtu.be/-N4jf6rtyuw

2.) Queen – “Under Pressure” https://youtu.be/a01QQZyl-_I

3.) Queen – “I’m going slightly mad” https://youtu.be/Od6hY_50Dh0

4.) The Ramones – “I wanna be sedated” (lol) https://youtu.be/bm51ihfi1p4

5.) Cyprus Hill – “Insane in the Membrane” https://youtu.be/RijB8wnJCN0

6.) Lindsey Buckingham – “Go Insane” https://youtu.be/jjQa5-FD72g

7.) Green Day – “Basket Case” https://youtu.be/NUTGr5t3MoY

8.) Imagine Dragons – “Demons” https://youtu.be/mWRsgZuwf_8

9.) Metallica – “Enter Sandman” https://youtu.be/CD-E-LDc384

10.) Prince – “Let’s go Crazy” https://youtu.be/aXJhDltzYVQ

11.) Elvis Presley – “This crazy little thing called love” https://youtu.be/88dgEMZT-4g

12.) Fine Young Cannibals – “She drives me crazy” https://youtu.be/UtvmTu4zAMg

13.) Brittney Spears – “Crazy” https://youtu.be/Q4VK9_CfOLQ

14.) Doobie Brothers – “World Gone Crazy” https://youtu.be/afJNSwQfgUo

15.) Ke$ha – “Crazy Kids” https://youtu.be/xdeFB7I0YH4

This is my music choices for “Crazy” ❤️✌️🤪 … I loved this ❤️

Yesterday went really good… my girlfriend and I went and picked up supplies and dropped them off with my elderly friends …

We just called before we showed up and said we doing quick drop, I can’t hug you or stay or be near you… I will leave supplies on porch – I love you and I will call you tonight. Stay safe ❤️

So we did that… and then last night I called and checked on each one… they doing good… they are a little frustrated being isolated and on lock down. I think most people are – this is annoying AF!!! But they are doing good and all are still healthy … so I told them – they need anything they call ME!! They say ok … but some wanna get out 🤨… I feel like I have to parent lol… no!! you stay in your room!! You are grounded for wanting to go out… Lol kidding but I want them safe and ok.

Most are scared though so they won’t go out. I just have like maybe 1 or 2 who do not like the isolation at all. They are all stunned by this whole world situation. They kept saying they never saw anything like it and can’t really believe it is happening.

I know, it’s just hard. 😔

In the meantime, while out with my girlfriend her and I chatted in the car… we were talking about a lot of things – not a lot of social interaction so we talked constantly…

And she said some things to me that kinda made me think… she knows about that cop guy… and then when I said… yeah I dunno, I’m not ready so I’m thinking no. It’s pretty much a no (lol)

And then she said… I don’t know how you do it … how do you just not want that? What is it that is going to make you ready for things? What exactly could someone do to make you even start to feel ready?

Oh wow! Lol …ok deep… umm… alright well – I love the peace in my life … I don’t have pressure in this area because I keep that peace… I don’t have to worry about being hurt or lied to or doing anything someone isn’t gonna like… I can just simply be me… I have peace ❤️ and then with that comes me learning what I want? And who I am myself and how I can be strong on my own… there are a lot of aspects there.

Yes I would love to just be able to be ready, and have someone to enrich my life – sure – of course …

But that’s it right there – I want someone to enrich my life – enhance life itself.

So I want myself strong and to have my own happiness and peace… and then same for that person. And I don’t want to ever worry – I want to be able to trust and let guards down… I just want a simple loving peaceful life.

If we are specifically referring to this cop guy… I don’t feel that… I don’t feel I can let my guard down … he does try to make me be as ease – however umm I don’t trust it… instead of allowing me to get to that point myself – he tries to convince me of that point. That keeps my guards up. Don’t try to convince me, let “me” get there.

I don’t feel at ease being able to trust him in that manner – as a friend yes absolutely … but more than that … yeah I feel fear and massive guards with him

We have an attraction yes… that’s all fine and dandy – but I dunno… yes I want the fire – but I don’t wanna get burned

And I really really really need to feel ok with letting guards down. There are ways to do that – but careful cause ya know it’s a slippery slope lol

I don’t want to ever ever ever go through the things I have been through ever again!!!

She thinks I should just “practice” …doesn’t mean anything big and could just me a momentary fling or whatever

But that is not who or how I am. I would rather get it right. I don’t wanna waste my time on anyone who doesn’t deserve it? I know that sounds kinda bad, but I dunno?

Why mess around with anything that doesn’t fit you? I don’t go buying pants because I just like them or they “look” like they will be amazing… if they don’t fit I don’t buy them – I don’t buy in hopes someday might perfect. 🤨 I don’t wanna just throw money away or throw my love around.

And that’s another big thing… I definitely do not want some overly suave, smooth, Casanova – eewww – nope ❌

I want to see someone who is kinda on the same page?

I wear my heart on my sleeve and I will let go with stuff… I want to just be at ease and relax which is why I am protective in the first place … I’m not gonna relax with just anyone.

So there!! I guess that would be it… anyway we on lock down and isolating so nothing happening at this moment – so I am safe lol (woo hoo)

She doesn’t like my answers lol but whatever – I hear her and I think about what she says – but I also know who I am.

Sometimes I might hear someone’s words and have to marinate on it lol … not that I will do anything I don’t believe is right for me – but I will hear and think about your words ✌️

Alright… so I’m gonna have one more cup of coffee as I write this … Mmm coffee ❤️ … and then jump in the shower and then put pants on lol

Today actually … I am doing something… I have a girlfriend who is coming to pick me up a little later … we are helping some of my elderly people – bringing some supplies and checking on them. Just making sure they are ok and surviving

We won’t get close or visit 😔… we will bring the supplies, drop them off … just check and make sure they are ok… and then we leave.

These are my little elderly people I used to drop off my extra school milks or lunches to.

I am still fine … no sickness … no cough, runny nose or fever… no symptoms… but I suppose that doesn’t mean anything – but I just want to be careful here. My girlfriend is ok too – so far

We will keep distance and be careful. They already know we will be coming. I told them – no visit … want them safe and don’t want to take chances. Wanna make sure they have what they need and are ok. They have already informed me of what they need.

I feel like I’m doing a military operation lol 🤨 …

Normally I would pull up and they would be at the door waiting for me with a big smile ❤️ they always always always give me hugs … no hugs today. 😔… “air hugs” only – from a distance.

Then they would normally invite me in and we would chat over coffee or whatever … they tell me about their kids or grandkids – their medical issues – whatever … I share my funny stories too

My favorite stories they share are how their life has been, things they went through and also information they know… I just listen soooo intently!! They are a treasure most forget about.

Sometimes if I told them what I was going through – they help me with smart ideas or things to do or be careful of. I protect them, but they also protect me ❤️

I make sure they don’t get scammed – most of them (not all) live in a retirement type community… and there are always scammers … they tell me what happens … I make sure they know how to be safe and smart and not to be a victim – I keep drilling into their heads be cautious.

And then they know I have my police connections, lol… so they tell me everything that goes on so if it’s something bad – I can tell my police and make them aware of what’s happening and keep an eye out or ears open.

I protect my people – I want them safe. Some don’t have families or people – so I am their people.

So anyway… showering and putting pants on 😄✌️… getting ready for the military drop lol

I am gonna miss my hugs and visiting 😔 I really love that, I just can’t have that right now. They can’t have that. I’m sorry

Soon perhaps? But I want them staying safe right now!! I wish I could put them in a bubble!!!

I need super powers lol ✌️

Today wasn’t too bad… didn’t like that one call because I couldn’t help… I would prefer to help.

Once again I was tired when I got home… so this time I jumped in the shower as soon as I came home… “before” sitting down… much better!!

So… ya know – I’m at home, after a hard long day … I took my shower… threw on a T-shirt and that’s it… turned down my bed … and started to melt into bed …

And there is a knock at the door 🙄😮 Oh my god! It’s a person … at my door!!! (I am way out in the country – who is coming to my door?)

I forgot completely that my landlord was having someone fix stuff for me this week… omg … I didn’t know they be coming over after work!! I was taken by surprise and not expecting at all!!!

So I cracked the door – again like a weirdo cause I’m not wearing pants … so I peeked out keeping the rest of me behind the door and said um hello?

And he starts in… hey so I did this to this, and fixed this

Being all technical 🤨… I dunno what he’s saying … it’s like hearing Charlie Browns teacher … are things fixed ? Yes or no lol

And then he says… can I just come in and show you 😳

Then I can’t speak and I don’t know what to say – I was caught completely off guard and lately – I am not “peopling” correctly

So I said umm yeah but hang on … let me run to my room and put pants on

Omg!!!! I am sooo embarrassed lol … I never darted down the hallway so fast ever!!!

Note to self… must remember pants when at home – just incase of people lol …Oh my god! Hello!! Isolating here!

So whatever – I come out and he’s in the kitchen and same thing… he is full on giving me technical explanations 🤨😑

Ok well whatever, so I just looked like I was listening … uh huh, ok yup… alright …so it’s not fixed? Lol

Oh so I dunno… he tell me he come back tmrw 🤨😑 whatever

All that electrical stuff – I don’t know anything about… he could be speaking a foreign language for all I know – I don’t do electrical – I also do not LOOK like I know electrical… I am the epitome of girly girl lol

And I just am tired and worked all day long… I just wanted to be without my pants – I wanted to relax and chill…

I was not expecting a lesson on the inner workings of electrical wiring 🤨 I did not understand one word other than he was coming back tmrw morning …

I wanted to say … ok what time? So I can have pants on lol… Oh my god!

I totally did not say that – but I am losing all my people skills 😮😳

I had a bad call today… but it was sad… the family had no money… we aren’t able to do for “free” …

So your option would be to sign the body over to the county or the state for cremation/burial… you MIGHT be able to get the ashes for a fee depending on state or county regulations costs and rules.

Bleh. I didn’t like that call- it was out of my hands. I had to get my boss involved and we offered bare minimum and they couldn’t do that 😔

That was hard. You feel bad.

I feel heavy now.

I have friends who whenever I mention funerals or whatever – they say “what do I care, I’ll be dead”

But what you don’t think of is your family or people you leave behind who are distraught and upset … you might not care – but it is everything to them. They love you and just lost you so they are grief stricken and trying to handle.

No one really thinks to plan for death, but is a good idea to avoid a situation like what I had today 😔

And some of these families are just too poor in general, on a day to day basis… so it’s just hard – it’s heartbreaking… I hate to see that pain. I want to take it away.

Anyway… I feel all heavy now… I’ll be back

Hello again… I am at the funeral home again today! All by myself…

When I got ready this morning … hmm well I am by myself – I’m not getting out at all… and no one sees me…

So I dunno, thought I would be little adventurous by myself for myself…

I’m a little modest, and extremely protective – BUT… if no ones gonna see me – and I don’t usually get to work except on the weekends here at the funeral home – and I’m all tucked away from the world… I just felt like have fun with it … live a little, before I go back to isolation tmrw…

So I dolled up… did my make up all perfect … I am wearing my black pants, and my black knee high boots… and typically I wear a nice conservative shirt or blouse… but not today!

No ones gonna see me lol… so screw it … I don’t HAVE to be all modest and overly protective … I can be free for a minute and what better time right?

I have a REALLY hot low cut top on lol… yeah for me that’s not normal!!

You can see that one scar … it kinda looks like I had open heart surgery or was in a knife fight lol

My scar is still kinda purple 🤨… so very noticeable.

But again no one sees me, and I look pretty hot today otherwise so … woo hoo! No one will ever see lol ❤️

I did that for me, to live for a moment, not how I usually do… and I can feel safe still ❤️ …and be all hot – I’m kinda delighted

I still have my black funeral home jacket… so if anyone ever came I can cover up and still no one knows or will ever see. And while I am here all by myself – I can feel amazing …

I look all good, I will have my music … I’m gonna enjoy my day while I can… I’m breathing ❤️

I would never ever look like this in public – Oh my god! Nope!!! – that would be way too overwhelming – but for myself … I like it ❤️ – as long as no one can see lol

I feel good today. It’s the little things. ❤️

I don’t like to draw ANY attention… I prefer to blend in and not be noticed – I have issues with that in general…

I am always noticed normally so if I were to ever step out like this… omg … just that thought overwhelms me!! I already ran from people before this! I don’t feel safe by myself.

When I was married I was kinda tucked away… now I am not and it’s too much.

When my boys were in high school and I would go pick them up… one of them used to say all the time – “stay in the car mum, don’t get out of the car” lol …

So I would stay in the car and just wait for him … until one day he brought home a progress report that was not a good grade …

The next day I had to pick him up… I got out of the car lol … I was just in shorts and tank top cause was hot outside – but I never saw a teenage boy move so quickly lol

Ahhhh so that’s how to get him to hustle lol … he was soo mad at me lol …

But I will tell you… straight A’s ever since then 😄😄 so I went back to staying in the car 😄😄❤️ I love that story ❤️

One time with that same son, we were up at his high school… and he was in the office and I was just waiting outside and one of my police officers texted and said … hey, whatcha doin?

I said “I’m up at the high school with my son, I just waiting”

He says … oh cool, ya want me to swing by and say hello?

🤨 ughhh are you working? Are you in a police vehicle?

He said yeah

Nope… do NOT come by!!! Oh my god! Nothing attracts attention more than a police car at a high school Oh my god! My son would kill me lol

The son I speak of is my middle child – he has my umm … don’t draw attention and kinda shy with people trait ?

We like to fly under the radar mostly. Is more peaceful that way.

Alright … gonna put on my music, finish my stuff and chill with my hot self lol kidding but am delighted at this moment so running with it! ✌️

Good morning! ☀️

For this post… first let me say…. I know everyone is mostly isolated, and I know how hard it is with all these changes and unknowns…

Last night my daughter and I were looking through these really awesome videos of people making songs about the situation…

I love love LOVE music 🎶 – I love to see people being so creative and finding a fun, constructive (sometimes educational) way to make the situation just a little better

Not to make light of a serious situation or offend anyone… I just loved the creativity and the music… I thought I would share some of my favorite videos we saw ❤️ …

Some are parody’s of songs we already know… but some are originals … some made it look professional and some gave themselves as is ❤️… they are all creative!! Some of these impressed me very much…

https://youtu.be/AEn7c_ydr0Y

https://youtu.be/i_QXvh8fVPI

https://youtu.be/juugAWnBRKY

https://youtu.be/iOSe4kQfFR0

https://youtu.be/HE-mArqqHAA

https://youtu.be/cgnBQ9qOqmY

https://youtu.be/VdgQzEGaZDI

https://youtu.be/SDUVVF4280Y

And this last one is a little more Broadway-ish 🎭 … different from the others … but I found it pretty hilarious…

https://youtu.be/-CCW4Xnp_sQ

I can’t decide which one I love the most – these people are amazing and appreciate their lightheartedness, creativity and making me smile!! These were awesome ❤️ thank you!