I am at work. Before I came to work I stopped at the store and got a soda (yes I need the bubbles and caffeine and yes Dr.Pepper) and I grabbed a lunch for later. I didn’t have time to make one because we were out late last night and I kinda pushed it with what time I woke up.

Sunday mornings have way less traffic. Still traffic but way less on Sunday mornings ❤️

Ahhhh Sunday morning ❤️

www.youtube.com/watch

It’s so peaceful on Sunday mornings ❤️ I love Sunday mornings!

I like being locked away in the funeral home lol… that sounds so horrible when I write it down … but I like the peace.

We are heating up… we have an excessive heat warning ⚠️♨️⚠️ starting Monday through Thursday!! 😮 oh boy! Here comes the heat!!

We will have to get bathing suits – my daughter needs a new one … over the past year she turned into a woman 🤨😑

She filled out 😳 I was like what is happening!!! That’s my little girl!!! Well not no more 😳😄🤨

It’s funny when ya know… you um??? Well she has my little body so she’s got a whole bunch of curves now 😳 so is just really weird

I’m all protective lol…

Oh we had a convo the other day… ya know we have been on lock down … so we may have just not worn bras lol ✌️..

So I said to her – we need to get you some new bras …

To which she says… nah, I don’t think I’m gonna wear bras 😳🤨

😱 like hell lol ✌️

Oh no, I did have a child like me – dammit lol … kidding but she is very strong willed with things … and likes to give me heart attacks lol ✌️ – what comes around goes around 😘 (sorry mom 😘✌️)

Anyway… that was a huge discussion!! Um what mean not wearing bras??? Cause um not sure if you noticed but you got some boobs goin on there lol 🤨

She explains how they uncomfortable and she likes the freedom and no hassle lol…

Yeah well, hold them up now so no sag later lol ✌️and then I tried to come up with anything I could to convince her

She said when school comes back she will wear a bra – ok I’m good with that. Thank you!

She always gives me a hard time because ya know I had the breast cancer – she has boobs now… so lol … every time she takes a shower – I explain how to check your breasts (is easiest in shower)

She always rolls her eyes and says “mum I know, you tell me every time” lol

But she’s my daughter so her chances are greater… I want her to know her body – that’s what saved my life!! Do that! I want her to be aware.

Ugh 😑🤨 her in a swimsuit this year gonna be 😳😮😱 … let’s see do we have any 1920’s style in stock anywhere? Lol

Omg … it’s beginning – the moments of my heart attacks lol ✌️

I didn’t think about this part when they told me I was having a girl!! Lol

Ok well I have to get to work

Back later ✌️

Well… I guess life has come back… I appreciated the respite I had from everything – it’s about to all come back at me

First off … I have some hard stuff I am still fighting through – that’s about to come at me full force. I am still exhausted…

My ex is really brutal and I am afraid. But that’s what I have to deal with so – is what is… He just doesn’t let up – he only did during lockdown – but it’s coming back

I’m going to have to ask for mercy. I can not take always being terrified!! It’s exhausting, I need mercy from that – I definitely need mercy from that

And then … I get hit on ALOT! It’s a massive problem… not a little one… a massive one

That’s all coming back too ☹️

My daughter and I went to help a family who needed and asked for some assistance.

Well the neighbor next to the family hit on me, and some guy at the store we went to… it was constant all day

My daughter has to see guys hit on me! It’s always a thing! Even when my kids are with me – it doesn’t stop… (although with my oldest… he looks like a man… so people just “assume” he’s my man lol – I do not get hit on when he is with me 😄❤️ the bonuses of having a man child ✌️😄)

And then my girlfriend recently posted some photo of her and me… which I do NOT allow and didn’t know about until she told me “tonight” and many of her guy friends are asking all about me – it’s this whole big thing

I don’t like my photos posted – or shown or anything. I’m very very private – just quiet – want peace

Ugh is coming back. All of it.

I did enjoy the respite from it ❤️ I needed that… I had not had a break in many years. I got to have a break ❤️

So anyway… we are back.

My girlfriend made a comment that … when lockdown first happened – everyone needed a break … oh stay at home and do nothing ? Sure ok – so not much resistance…

But after weeks of it – everyone is burnt out on lock down … they are wanting the socialization and being around people now…

This weekend is Memorial Day weekend … everyone having bbqs and parties and no one is social distancing !!! 😮😳

I’m good with staying on lockdown… I worry … all my heavy stuff going to all come back and then also… I worry I’m gonna die or catch and spread.

I don’t have the energy to fight for my life again. I want peace. And I don’t wanna be the cause of anyone dying or being sick.

So this sucks

Just complaining for a minute ✌️ I’m fine though 😘

I am really late tonight because we were helping that family – I have to be at work in the morning so I need sleep … I am never gonna hear my alarm 😮

Gnite ✌️

So… I was thinking… before everyone goes and totally disappears into life…

I have loved reading all your posts and kinda seeing you all through your words, poems, stories, lessons, quotes, recipes, music, etc … all of it ❤️ I really enjoyed it!!

You made me smile and laugh, maybe cry, question things, learn new things, think about new things, see new things, maybe possibly tried something new lol … I had a good time lol

Loved learning you through posts.

Some of you don’t write in English … but I was kind of excited to see something I didn’t know … and with the help of google translate lol … I could read you too! That has been so cool!!! I can talk to everybody now!! lol ✌️ that was fun- like decoding ❤️

I enjoyed this a lot!! You made it not so bad.

Was not any leader of any country that gave me any peace through all this… it was you – so thank you for taking my mind away, showing me things, explaining things and just being a comfort – enjoyed you all! Kind of a lot ✌️😘

I’m still gonna post and stuff, I still have a lot to say lol ✌️

But I just wanted to say that before life comes back and people go away.

Stay safe always ❤️✌️

I didn’t get off work until 4pm… so I didn’t get home until a little after 5 🤨… because there was “TRAFFIC” 🤨 …

Oh how I have loved life without traffic!! It was like heavenly… I literally heard angels singing every time I drove … for a little while… not anymore 🤨

I have a driving song lol… it’s funny to me… but I don’t know if I wanna share? I will think about it – not tonight though..

I believe we are moving into phase 2 … this seems to be moving really fast 😳… I move slow so I’m not liking this too much!! Or at all. They want the kids back fully in school by August 😮😳… we see – I don’t really feel comfortable with that just yet.

The kids were already at the house when I got home ❤️ I stopped and brought us a Pizza 🍕 ❤️ we haven’t had pizza in a very long time! 😮 that was really yummy!

My oldest is the one that no one wants to play games with cause we literally never ever win… ever … no matter what game we pull out – once in a blue moon someone else can win, but that is very rare

He brought like 6 different games tonight and the other 2 were groaning instantly lol …

They said … “we won’t win if he plays” lol…

I said… is not about winning … is about having fun as a family ❤️

So they stopped groaning and came to play with us and be together as a family ❤️ oldest actually won every game we played but whatever lol 🤨😄

And then the boys were getting ready to leave and the oldest sits down and is looking at the game we did NOT play … I said “what are you doing?”

He said “looking at the game so I can strategize my win” 🤨😄…

So I said … “and this is why no one wants to play with you lol”

He doesn’t even give us a chance lol… all his games are Japanese lol 🙄😄

We learn them pretty quickly… most are really LONG games – that we play and lose 🤨😄

And he says… “you guys play one game and no one wants to play anymore”

My daughter says… “because you win, so we frustrated and don’t wanna play anymore cause that’s not fun” lol

So I said… maybe you let us win the first time? 😄😄✌️ …he can throw us a bone lol… c’mon

But nope if we want the win we have to be ruthless and strategize lol … but he has these games and he plays by himself or with his actual friends and then comes plays with us – who don’t play these games lol

So it’s a vicious cycle every week… I need new games lol

I said that maybe we could get some new games that are NOT Japanese (not that I have any issues with Japanese games but he knows them too well 🤨) I would like a level playing field lol

We would like to win sometimes too!! Lol … so we see – maybe a new game soon and maybe we win.

Then they wanted to watch a movie… I have tons of movies – I love my movies ❤️❤️❤️❤️

What?? You wanna watch one of my movies ??? Why yes!! Which one???

So I show them all my movies and the 2 younger ones are the movies and food pickers…

When they saw the movies I keep… they said ugh!! Those are all mom movies 😄😄😄 … oh you mean really awesome ones done with talent? lol 😄✌️

They didn’t like any of my awesome mom movies … and btw they are not mom movies… they call them “mom movies” because I have types ✌️😘

Sometimes they come across something and for whatever reason they think is my type lol … they will tell me excitedly all about it and say looks right up your alley lol… sometimes it is. Not always lol

Well none of my movies met their standards 🤨🙄 they never wanna watch my movies

They wanted to see Scoob 🤨… no way am I paying for that. Nope. Plus my oldest said he heard it sucked!! And they wanted $24 to own or $19 to rent … no way!!! Screw that – no movie lol ✌️

They got pizza – and we have Japanese games – I’m good with that lol

We had some funny convos and I thought … ok remember these things – and I also thought I should make a note – but I didn’t and I forgot ✌️

I told them about my mom. They took it ok. They are supportive – I cried, I can’t help that. It’s my mom – I will do that every time. You can’t stop it.

We have a lot going on this week… I have work on Sunday… I have something Tuesday but I have to pull out my calendar? I forget, but I know there is something

And then Thursday we have to go down to the school and return things … we have to return her BIG GIANT TUBA!! … she only had one major concert this year – just Christmas 😮

She asked me earlier if when we go on Thursday to return everything … we have to be there first thing in morning 8am..

She asked if we could just stay at school for a little while so she could see her friends – she’s dying to see her friends!!

So I dunno, I might let her see them? She has a mask… and I will be there … we will be outside and we can keep distance – I think her friends would be ok? I will play by ear and see what happens

I want to give her that happiness because I know how badly she wants it… I know how bad she misses these friends – she hasn’t seen them in months.

Back in December of 2019… they had their Christmas concert… and one of the girls was sick- she was coming down with the flu… did the concert and then fell sick… we were all off on Christmas break…

The girl started feeling better on Christmas Eve, they spent Christmas with family … that next day she took a turn for the worse, and that Friday after Christmas she died … of the flu. 13 years old.

She played the French horn in the band with my daughter.

Anyway… this has been a traumatic year for her. Cause then 2 months after that we went into lock down. And here we are.

She desperately misses her friends … these people make my daughter laugh so completely ❤️… she has amazing friends!! Great group of kids!! They are all happy and always laughing ❤️ … in middle school!! Lol

I like her friends – and I love them for the way they make her laugh and smile… I want her to have them for just a moment. So I’m thinking it be ok, we be careful … like I said she has a mask, we be outside, and we keep distance

When I think about her seeing them… and what she is asking for… all I can imagine is the smile across her face and I just wanna give it to her ❤️ I am blinded by her smile and happiness

I just know how much she misses and loves these friends… they are “her own” little family branch

So we will see how that goes.

That will be on Thursday – but there is a lot going on… I have a lot written down for this week 🤨 … so… life … it’s back 🤨✌️

Ugh I have to go back to adulting and doctors … ugghhhh … I really loved the break for many reasons ❤️ I don’t want to go back – I want change. ✌️

I will be right back…

I think that was the worst shower I have ever had!!! 😳

Usually I love showers!! I love the hot water, and then I like the smells of the soaps and shampoos… and then you just feel so amazing – you don’t have to deal with much usually in the shower lol … washes away things for a minute.

Not today lol… omg!!

I get water just the way I like it… I like it on the hot side… sometimes I do it too hot and then I get out and have to lay down for a minute 😄✌️ …as I’m all red and steamy 😄 … literally steaming!! Lol – I try not to go that hot – I know is not good.

I do try to be careful and NOT do that, but it happens… hadn’t happened in awhile though – I am careful sometimes lol ✌️😄

Anyway… the water was perfect!! So ok, everything else is handled – I’m gonna get in the shower and get ready for work.

I step in, wash my hair, so that’s all completely soapy – then I’m washing my face and the phone rings 🤨 full on soap on my face!!

Who dares to interrupt my shower lol… this better be good lol … I had to quickly rinse off my face so I don’t burn my eyes with soap!!! That is running everywhere!!!

It was work 🤨… fine ok … I will answer 🤨…

Ok… I am not sure if you can hear a shower going over the phone? Lol… but um…

I answer and “hi trisha, ~pause~ everything ok?” Lol

Um yup lol

The rest of the time they spoke to me, there was a smile in their voice 🤨😄 Oh my god!

Also… the call was just to ask me to come work today 🤨 … I am doing that!!! Do you people not communicate?? Lol

Communication – it’s a thing… but maybe not from the shower 😘✌️

It figures – the minute I was all soapy!! The very minute!!!

And it’s just funny, cause communication would have prevented the shower interruption lol 😄✌️

Just being a smart ass – but my shower was interrupted lol

Good Morning.

It’s about to get really hot here 😳 … so a few days ago I had a weather warning ⚠️ that we have flash floods lol… went through that ok… I did not float away. I survived lol

And then I wake up this morning and there is another weather warning ⚠️ 🤨

But this time is because of excessive heat ♨️ what???

You can’t do cold and floods and then excessive heat within days!! Oh my god!

Oh wow ok.

Today is fine, only 77… but in a day or two … we be in the 100’s 😮 ok… so here comes summer

I love summer very much!! However I am a little old to be going through these severe temperature fluctuations lol

And I will have to be ready… cause they gonna be shutting off power soon to prevent wildfires …

I will not only lose power – but because I am on well water – I lose water too… I don’t have the money to get a generator so …

I went through it last year when I first moved in – was the first time they did that with shutting off power

We had a really bad wildfire that literally wiped a town completely away.

The towns name was Paradise 😮… it was horrific – the whole town just gone… many died … was really really horrific

Our power company PG&E was at fault and were sued. They have been sued before for fires

So that’s gonna be coming.

I have prepared. Sorta … way better than last year… I have water, I have a shower, I have non perishable food… ok so I think I can be better than last year? 🙏 still gonna suck though!!! Trying to think of what else I might need?

I hate PG&E … we have to pay for their greed. But whatever – they suck! Just sayin ✌️

In temps over 100 that’s gonna be brutal!! It won’t happen soon… later in the summer … but it’s comin

I cringe 😬

Ok well I have to work a half day today… so I gotta jump in shower and get ready for the funeral home ✌️

Also it’s Friday!! Woo hoo!! But due to work that’s gonna have to be later than usual? I hope I don’t have to give up my Friday

Be back way later ✌️

www.youtube.com/watch

I got a package 📦 today 😮… I don’t order things… I didn’t expect anything?? What is this? I never get anything

It was a beautiful um I am not sure what they are called but is a notebook contained in a beautiful?? Notebook holder? – with a pen and stuff.

It’s from my school ❤️ it’s a thank you for being apart of their lives this school year ❤️✌️ awwwww … I know everyone probably gets one but awwww ❤️🥰❤️ I love it ❤️ it’s an end of year gift

It has my schools name and emblem on the front ❤️ (I love my school)

I miss them. I miss their faces. I miss my coworkers too!! All my teachers

Those kids … they had no idea they were brightening my life… I had surgery in July and started the job in August … I didn’t tell any of them until later.

I was ?? Just kinda beat up when I went to work at the school… excited for the job though… and those kids – made every single day just amazing!!

We had bright amazing kids… they were sooo full of life and laughter Oh my god! – they were awesome ❤️ they took to me pretty quickly too!!

Those kids brought smiles to my face when it was fading ❤️ those kids made me feel like um?? I was needed and appreciated ❤️ before they even knew anything they were like that with me.

Anyway, one of my scars you can see – just always. You can’t really hide it… so whatever … kids ask you things point blank lol

I have a little story I like to pretend with…

Oh that scar? Yeah I’m actually this total bad ass so I had to take down some villains lol … they never believe me lol

They wanted to know so I quickly just said I had surgery, had cancer, am good now- no more cancer

Lol I say it really quick fast and sort of mumbled lol … I hate saying!!! So I just wanna get it out and over with really fast!!

Meanwhile they sit there stunned with their mouths open and then I get bombarded with questions 😮😳😄 oh yeah I forgot my kids do that stuff too lol

I keep it vague and general. I don’t want to say too much to them. They know the basics, they don’t need further details

I was sick, they cut me, took out the sick- all better lol ✌️

And also… I am an ace at distraction… I am funny so I lead them away from that convo with humor lol 😄✌️ they get all mad cause they wanna know lol . But that’s pretty much it

Oh look the bell rang lol they always made me laugh

All those kids were really amazing to me!! I was really impressed by all of them

I really hope the best for them!! I miss them very much

Every day they wanna help me or talk to me… some even would greet me in the hallway when I got to work lol

The smiles on their faces… they were really funny- such great personalities!! Nice job to those parents!! And I hope those kids keep believing in themselves!

One time I called out – just once … lol when I came back the next day ,.. the minute I walked in the door – “where were you?? Where have you been? We missed you!” Lol … I didn’t get clearance evidentially lol … I was told I am not allowed to take anymore days off lol

I enjoyed them just as much as they enjoyed me… they made a ripple in my life… those moments were very hard for me… But these kids… they gave me life back with their energy and they brought my smile back … I had amazing kids!! They had no idea what I just walked out of. They have no idea the impact they made on my life this year. I never expected that. I did not see that coming – but I was blessed by that!! I didn’t expect them to be so amazing

Anyway- I miss them. I hope they are well – and I hope maybe my influence will ripple to them? I hope they remember my words – I hope they keep focused, and I hope they believe in themselves!!

I really had the best group of kids ever!! All of em!! I was very impressed.

K through 12 … they were all amazing!!

So anyway.. that was a nice thank you. Boy will I remember this year and all of them ✌️ I hope they remember me – I hope I made an impact too!!

I pushed them all the time to believe in themselves and have strength – I pushed that heavy…. so I hope they remember that.

Anyway… so I just showered .. oh yeah!!! And I get to work tmrw!! Woo hoo!! Just a few hours – but I’ll take it. Yes please lol

My school kids used to laugh at me with that second job at the funeral home lol…

They would always say,.. that does not seem like a job that would fit you lol

Lol they say that cause I smile a lot and ya know I joke around. Lol … I seem too happy to be doing that job to them

But they also didn’t think I fit in with the police lol …

I am very girly – dainty-ish? Lol … the police used me for PR events… I make a real good impression… also I have zero fear of public speaking… I can absolutely handle a crowd – zero fear of that. I command that shit lol ✌️

So I did assemblies at schools for things, or law enforcement awards, parades, whatever … I also worked in the office. I did have a uniform lol

Anyway they didn’t think I belonged with the police either lol – I am not tough.

They also didn’t think I looked like a mom 😄😄… one day one said omg you are a mom, you don’t look like a mom ?? 😳 umm I don’t?? Lol – I don’t understand what a mom looks like but whatever lol

They only liked me working there with them… I wasn’t allowed to miss days and I couldn’t leave lol

They made me feel very needed and appreciated. They made me laugh literally every day!!

Anyway… I just keep thinking of them tonight.

Well I’m gonna read for a bit and go to bed… tmrw is Friday… woo hoo – I do have to work a little though, so it may be delayed by a little bit.

Have a good night ✌️

Ps… I pick this song for my school kids tonight ❤️ I hope they climb really high!! 🙏

www.youtube.com/watch

My girlfriend knows everyone… she is from the Bay Area… so she knows tons of people there and then she knows, pretty much, all of Northern California 😮😳 … she is the epitome of a social butterfly!!!

She literally knows everyone, and also she knows all gossip or whatever else you wanna know 😮 lol – she kills me with that 😄 I’m not kidding!! Lol

We were talking last night, she told me all her stuff… and I told her mine… my mom, how the kids are etc etc… and then I mentioned country boy texting me again…

She knows about him we have talked about him before…

He’s been in my life since 2014, and got kinda close when my dad died… he was very sweet and thoughtful – and has been a very sweet kind friend

But in November he wanted to move faster and I was not ready… it caused an issue and I was done… he couldn’t handle it so I walked away. I don’t play games – if you can’t handle me I’m out. There are other girls if you want something I can’t give you… so whatever I walked

I used to share all my stories with him and we would laugh all that… but when I walked away – I went silent… I just cut it all off and walked away. Left it alone. It wasn’t meant to be.

He came back shortly after we locked down 🤨 so bored or something? That was my first thought – but maybe he needed a friend? So ok fine I’ll be nice cause he has been that for me before …

We had a discussion, we laid out what each wanted – it was not the same… and that ends it. Done. There is no question – it’s done.

So I walked away again. I’m not sure if he thinks I am not serious? Cause I’m not playing.

I get that he was sweet and kind and put in effort – but we want different things and he can’t handle me.

I will give him leeway IF he just needs a friend cause I know what that’s like and also… he was there when I needed a friend so I can do that too.

But I will be very clear – it goes no further than friendship. End of story – if he can handle that fine whatever – but if not, off you go.

So anyway… I was telling my girlfriend he just text me again and I’m just confused about why?? What want ?? I don’t understand… do you wanna be in my life or do you not? I’m not going to deal with a yo-yo

I don’t understand this stuff at all which is why I do not date. Is just easier and I’m not really interested in stuff right now… if something happens that changes my mind then fine, but in general. I just don’t understand – all you people are way over my head!!!

I like simple. Not some crazy thing I have to figure out 🤨 I have to figure out enough things nevermind that!! So I don’t date- so what? It’s like a rule or something that you are supposed to date 🤨 I don’t like that… I like my peace. ✌️ it’s simple and easy.

It’s just funny cause that’s a conflict of interest to me… I have to go through many hard things – so I believe the things in life that are worth it, are hard… they make it worth it…

But that’s not always the case?? 😮 sometimes it can be easy and worth it!!! 😮 … and with SOME things I want it THAT way? I have had amazing things drop in my lap as if meant to be? People or jobs

Ok and then… I consider myself a soft person… but come close and I get harder? Lol so “I” myself can be difficult ? Only because I’m worth it and also I’m guarded … So ..what’s worth it?

I’m very quiet and keep to myself. If I see someone I know or something like that, I come to life? But generally I just stay quiet. I try to fly under the radar… I just wanna be quiet. 🤐 so what??? I like the peace – still waiting on my Harry Potter invisibility cloak lol

But see … so all kinds of contradictions 🤨😄 again why I do not date lol – is just way too much. I’m not the type

Anyway back to the story… she confirms his name with me, and some of his details … yes that’s his name, those details sound the same as him…

And she tells me… if it is the same person… he’s a douche 😮

What?? Cause I have never known him to be what I think of when I hear that word 😮 lol

Is that a bad word btw? I don’t think it is ? Because that’s how I used to sing this song…

www.youtube.com/watch

… that’s what I thought the words were 😮😄 for the longest time lol

But ok… she says he’s bad… I’ve known him for awhile and we did get close as friends but I never let him come into my world… and I never went into his… so I don’t totally know him. He could be anything- even a douche 😮

He’s just never been that way with me? I don’t know him to be a bad person. At all. But he could be.

I don’t really like rumors or other people’s judgements … I make my own opinions.

And I’m kinda careful who I keep around me – so that’s just my concern.

Ya know how hindsight 20/20? Lol (no pun intended) well with this information she told me – makes me flash back on key things that were said…

Just little things ?? The last time I saw him he said he wasn’t speaking to his family – I get that – it’s his thing … families have issues sometimes … so ok

And then also… I don’t even remember what we were talking about but he made this odd comment ?

So ya know I have a chip on my shoulder sometimes, mainly because I’m not going to be dealing with stupid stuff – but I also know what I’m worth so whatever … if you come at me like a person – I’m fine… if you come at me with a chip, you gonna get a chip lol ✌️

So anyway just mentioning that cause I support good healthy strong self esteems…

But his comment was just odd to me because he said something about “everybody loving him” ??

So ok then – why is he telling me that? So that I believe that? Why do I care? I don’t need to hear that – I can see for myself?? Had just struck me as odd? Could be just me, but was odd.

He doesn’t need to convince me of things? But then like I said maybe just because that’s how his world is? I dunno?

There were a couple things that I just thought were odd. And then with her saying these things it makes me think.

I will ask directly. I just haven’t yet and I only will if I need to. Right now I do not need to ask because he is not in my life.

I take my time and I’m slow because I want to know who is around me. I’m careful with that because of who I am.

I don’t see him as bad… but I don’t know if he is… and I do heed warnings. So just watching.

And this is how I think through things lol

Also the lesson here is … girlfriends – good to have ✌️❤️ cock blockers lol – am I allowed to say that ? Lol sorry it’s funny – things come out ✌️😘 that’s life

So ok well … I am slow today. Happy just slow.

I’m not in the mood to adult today lol ✌️ I have to… but I’m not in the mood to lol …just saying ✌️

Back later 😘

Country boy texted me again 🤨 … I don’t get it.

He says “hey sweetheart, how have you been?” 🤨

He plays baseball, he’s fit, he’s hot, he’s got money etc etc… he has zero issues with finding another woman. Women literally drop for him.

So why bother with me?? What’s the deal? Not a challenge 🤨… am also NOT challenge’ING!!

He acts like he wants to be in my life? But he doesn’t, so what’s the deal? He’s not getting sex – sorry – that’s gonna be a no.

And again ..we do not want same things. What’s the point? Go be happy and do your own thing – live your best life

He has a saving grace though… he was a really good friend to me when I really needed one… he helped teach me how to handle a issue, he took my mind away when I was really overwhelmed – he was a really good friend. I am eternally thankful for that? He always seems to pop up when things happen in my life

I do have compassion towards him… I appreciate the friendship he gave me when I needed that. If he needs just a friend, I can do that.

He lives a little far from me, so I will still have distance – I don’t ever see him… so if he needs just a friend, I suppose that wouldn’t be a problem.

I am not sure what he expects or wants. I have a lot on my plate right now, I don’t want or need added pressure so ?? I will say hello, but I’m not the girl – if need a friend, ok I could maybe do that

I don’t do this yo-yo shit. You either in my life or not… I don’t read minds, I don’t pick up hints very well lol

I don’t understand him (he is a redneck baseball player who likes to hunt and fish) I only know the way he is with me, but I don’t know his type. (I don’t know any types actually)

But I guess I can say hello back.

I just usually keep my life really quiet. I don’t date – I avoid all that … or try to 🤨 … he knows that. I’ve been like that since he met me. That’s not a secret, everyone knows that.

As matter of fact, my girlfriends wanted me to come out for pizza today… umm yeah – not today.

We just reopening and also… my face is puffy cause I may have been crying lol … didn’t really feel like going out for pizza.

They get on me all the time cause I won’t do social media, I won’t come out… even before I wouldn’t … what does it matter ?? I just like my peace.

They think I’m sad or something… no, I dunno ? I don’t think so?? Lol … I feel happy with peace? Is this a bad thing? Lol cause I kinda feel like it’s not ✌️

I think they understand though. They still there and they still ask ❤️

I just need the peace from stuff. It’s been a lot… and I do kinda feel like I am out of my element? And I go through a lot… So I just like the peace?

If he needs a friend I can do that. If anything else, we have already gone over that – I can’t do that again.