What’cha want? 😮

Ok well … ugh …

So you know … I run the location … and I live here

I hesitant to have people know me again… but whatever … I just don’t know

But was city counsel, and business owners … they had an event after work- at a Speakeasy 😮😮

We have wineries 🍷 and breweries in my area and all the owners were there and city counsel & city politicians, as well as other business owners

My coworker only stayed for maybe 30 minutes … but I am manager and we want people to know us and come to us… (well for business but we really busy with only 2 of us) but I still want you to know us and come to us!

I also asked my oldest to come with us – I’m glad I did or I would have been there by myself!

The only problem is … I look young and my oldest looks older because he currently has facial hair – but when he shaves he looks like baby… currently he has facial hair (winter) … anyway – everyone kept asking me if he was my boyfriend with him right there next to me lol

Omg!!! Why you ask those things???!!!

So I simply say – no he’s not my boyfriend, he is my SON… I made him – I do not date him lol

I always tease him about that and say I will get a shirt that just says that – cause everyone thinks that!!

I just didn’t wanna be all alone.

He is the one who looks most like me!!! He has my eye color… and my smile and my nose … his beard is red but his hair on his head is a light brown … the red beard is like my hair lol ❤️👏✌️😄 – he has a similar heart like me too. He’s very mature and compassionate towards others ❤️

Do people not see the resemblance ? I think he looks like my son … but everyone always thinks I am so young and he looks older with facial hair 🤷‍♀️

Whatever – no!! Is my son!!! I am not young!!!

When I had him I was 20… but I looked 12 🤷‍♀️

Works well for me now usually … but still … every time people ask me if he is my boyfriend … it makes me cringe – why do people ask that???! Right off the bat … no I am woman hear me roar all by myself 😘✌️


Please do not mistake my son for my boyfriend!! that is VERY disturbing!! Why …if I am with a man, people assume shit 🤨

My grandfather always used to say – never assume – it make an Ass out of u and me 😉😘 so don’t do that!! Do not ass.u.me

The function started right after work and went til 7:30pm

They had free appetizers and free wine 🍷 – is a city counsel thing – we are a member 😉 part of my job is to network so that’s what I did…

I do not have fear of people like that or public speaking / I am very outgoing and can network because is for work … so I can do that

I can bring attention to my business … but it’s funny … you try being a funeral worker and tell people what you do …

I get weird responses lol … someone asked me if they can bury on own property lol … in California – you can not! 3 states say no… California, Washington State, and Indiana say is illegal

But yeah either people are intrigued always!! Either they cringe cause nope – no one wants to talk about death… or … they wanna ask me about every funeral thing they can think of lol – once again there is no medium lol

Is fricken always all or nothing Omg!


Anyway … I had a glass of wine 🍷 in beginning but then was too busy hanging out my business card and networking with the city and business owners so didn’t have any more

I used to know city counsel but these ones are all new – it was 7 years ago I know who was on the board 😮 … until I just said that, I did not realize so long ago 😮😮😮

Alright so we see if I am ok being known again – I just don’t like being known but ok … is good. We see

They invite me to some politician thing coming up soon… ahhh yes … let me talk to the politicians lol 👏✌️😘 bring that shit ON!!! Yes please!!!

When I say politicians I mean governor and high politicians … so this could get interesting ? We see

But yeah – I like to keep to self usually – this is little weird to be back in a position to mingle with city & politicians. I really am not sure how I like it.

Is good to know people – you have connections for things!! So that part I like

But I’m not sure about people knowing me – I really love anonymity and peace ✌️ but I have a personality and I am pretty so once I step out there – ugh it could get hairy 😮 but we see

Plus I’m not sure what I want ??


I’m gonna be massively known around here – so do I want that?? Ugh I really love my peace

But the connections are pretty amazing 😮😮 am I ok with this? Well we will see 😮 😳

See!!! I tell you there is someone up in heaven or working with life – and I swear they say “hey let’s throw this at her and see what happens” 🤨🙄😮

The others I work with are all from Sacramento … they don’t know my history here. I’m pretty quiet 😘✌️I was very well known here – once upon a time …

Before cancer, divorce and losing family – so I don’t know – it could get crazy… cause you know the people I am around are either funeral workers who are hilarious and amazing ❤️ (some not all – many are) … and families grieving – I’m really good with comforting and relating with loss … and then of course … the people we care for and help to pass over – they are usually quiet lol ✌️

I just am not sure I want to make huge waves – it’s either one way or the other – there is no in between … I either be quiet or everyone wanna know who I am… so … do I want that again? I do not know!!!

I really really love my peace – ALOT!! And I like not having to be on all the time … and I live here too – my world will close in 😮

Ok so we will see how this goes 😮


Do I want to take it to the limit ? Will I be ok if I do? ? I worry … I think about how my world will close in big time

But ok we see how life gonna play 😮


I just like a nice quiet life enjoying life without any drama or pressure – I have pressure at work


So is little weird – cause I do t want pressure to come back in my life ugh – I do not want to have to be on all the time and socialize all the time

I just like to have peaceful moments – I like to breathe – I don’t want to be ??? I don’t know ? Do you understand?

I like attention for a cause or for work – I’m really good at that – but I also live VERY close to funeral home… now you can totally forget me ever going into store!!! Delivery always!! No way now!!

I like to fall under the radar – I am STILL waiting on a invisibility cloak – but for some reason, with todays technology – that is not a thing yet? But I am waiting!!! Hurry the hell up!!

I also feel that if I am going to let this happen – I better be sure I want this 😮😮😮 … do I?

And wtf with death – see it always wants to see what can pull me back in with – I want the connections because that opens doors – but then I also really cherish peace so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

And also what the hell with life always having to throw something


So … what do I want ? 😮😮😮 I don’t know 😮😮😮


Oh the situations life makes me live 😮😮😮 it IS really pushing

I’m just over here trying to be quiet and not overly noticed

I REALLY suck at that unless I go away from the world 😮😮 🤷‍♀️ so ya know – what to do – what do I want ? 😳😳

23 thoughts on “What’cha want? 😮

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  1. I can soooooooooooooooooo relate to this – on the business level we need to be seen, on the private level life can leave me alone, it’s a hard balance. Suze has suggested handling the marketing and l am like okay, yes please, but she doesn’t have the experience whereas l do, but when l was an advertising exec it was a lifetime ago, l was a different person, now l like peace and quiet, l get the need for promotions, but the annoying thing is that l am the best person to handle the marketing with experience and the fact that l will talk to anyone and ask questions and be out there! BUT, it burns me out.

    Hard decisions young Trisha, the woman who made her son but does not date him 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah… I think you and I have same type of background-ish moving all the time growing up

      I always had to make friends really quick – so I do find that very easy

      It does burn you out – and I don’t want my world to close in on me … and it will here …. Because I live and work here

      I am the only funeral home in this town

      Is easy to mix and mingle and make friends – but I also really cherish the peace I have had

      I like the balance – being off work I don’t want a ton of things coming at me… I like down time to recharge

      Lol an extrovert who is really an introvert

      Also that anonymity is priceless – I like an air of mystery when you don’t know me

      I also don’t trust people and I am a person who… once you know me – I’m very easy to read, so I just keep to self and just let people I trust, know me

      So there is level of caution

      And I love fitting in with my funeral people ❤️ they are accepting of whatever because we see both life and death daily … and they are quirky and really hilarious sometimes (which keeps the balance)

      And I need to recharge because work is ALOT

      And this is the country not the city – they are drastically different

      I stand up in city … and I am back in country

      Country is more brutal… city more accepting of people / country is highly judgmental

      And then also – I just like a low profile so there are no problems

      My focus has been my kids, survival and this job

      I like to be focused – not distracted in thousands of ways – I just like to mosey along and do my thing outside of work.

      I fit my horoscope because I am home body – I love my home and I love my peace – I love my family – and cherish my peace ❤️

      But I do want to draw attention and have know who we are, our compassion, and be able to ask us questions and feel at ease – so I want that for people because is important to know about death – is part of life

      But then – I also want … ok I’m going home now – bye 👋 lol

      So I dont know 🤷‍♀️

      Ugh – I miss when he was little – and that was never a thing

      And being pretty people just assume you with someone

      I get misjudged a lot … because I am a type that seems like I “need” a man or something? People make judgements on who they think they know – when they don’t know

      Don’t mistake gentle for weak – that I am not!

      But yeah – I miss him being little, when this was never an issue – I don’t like that at all 😝

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are right we have the same here – in the city people accept most things and never blink an eye, whilst in the rural they are not the same – at all. It’s a hard trek you are going to have to take – although there ways through it.

        Mask up to get through the busy and then once home – switch off and take the mask down, when at home no work or public eye work. Hard but manageable.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ahhh you say that and under normal circumstances – yes – but we are speaking death and funerals … you don’t really truly own your time – and I do not have many workers so we are at beckon call for the location currently

        We only one here to service deaths and I am the one who supposed to make people know the location.

        I am already being messaged from all the business cards I give out last night

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hahaha well yes – you could say that lol

        We just don’t have the help or the staff so we just run it currently.

        It’s like that everywhere with staffing

        Liked by 1 person

      4. It’s REALLY bad

        And believe it or not we sometimes have families who think they are more important than anyone else’s loved one and want to be handled immediately and bumped to front of everything

        That is soooooo not right!!

        If they want fast – go burial and be Jewish or Muslim

        Otherwise we have a ton of cases – they are not the only ones who suffer loss

        Sometimes they can be really unruly or bad

        So what worker wanna come work with dead people and handle abuses from families ?

        You would like to believe people have heart and compassion – but that’s not always the case even in death

        So is very hard to keep staffed

        Also when starting pay is same as a fast food restaurant

        Who is gonna put up with that shit ?!

        And no one wants to work anymore – good bye to work ethic and integrity

        Ugh yeah

        And the state is always shutting down for whatever holiday, weather or whatever training omg

        People be little entitled sometimes

        Not all people – but happens

        It’s ridiculous that people do not wanna work

        But then the government gives them all kinds of money and during Covid – they make more unemployed than if they were employed

        So was kinda created 🤷‍♀️

        We recently spoke to corporate mentioned pay and also trauma counseling for all of us on front line

        We see what they do with that

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yeah we see – not a lot of confidence … we see

        They say a lot of things without any action… so we see

        My oldest wants me to leave…

        He says I give my all and they give nothing and I’m always working, and if not working I’m too exhausted to do anything

        We see

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Well he said… it’s like I value not being micromanaged …and also he said I created a little legacy there, so he says I value that over freedom and work life balance 😮

        Well was mostly to build and prove who am and then I also just fit so well ❤️

        But he says be nice to be micro managed cause takes a lot off my plate and better balance

        Plus he also doesn’t think they appreciate or treat well – they don’t at all.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I am aware – I am looking and want to take my time to think over and decide where I wanna be? I wanna make sure is ok for me

        I also want to make sure my mom and everything situated

        So I’m looking but taking my time

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeah it is not good. I can imagine people saying he is your boyfriend if you are stepmom, but you are her birth mother. So that is definitely cringe. Damn how do you navigate such situations.

    Also about networking. I think if being known brings you extra cash and more profitable business, you may think about it. But follow your heart. Brain works logically, heart on emotions. So you decide after putting a lot of thought into it. No rush as they say.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think because he’s a man now and looks like a man ?? And since he’s with me, people just assume??

      No one ever meets my kids usually – I’m highly protective and they are highly personal

      So they see me come walking in with a man and assume 🙄😑

      But yes extremely cringe!!!

      Yeah tough decision – is this what I want? Whew

      Also can I handle it and not be all weird? Lol ✌️😄

      I don’t want to chose it and then later when my world closes in – freak out and go silent 🤷‍♀️

      So ya know… I’m very comfortable being social but I also like my privacy

      So we will see 😮🙏😳 lol 🤷‍♀️

      Liked by 1 person

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