All the things

Monday 🤨 fricken Monday – I hate Monday!!

Fricken ridiculous … omg … I was feeling like I was gonna be a customer today 😮

I have end of month, end of year and inventory and I’m trying to juggle everything omg!!

If you say something to me – my mind is mush… I have so much coming at me all at the same time – I can’t even process!!!

And SOMEONE booked an appt at my location – did not tell me or my staff and I have no one to help them… they were pissed – I can’t help them – I can’t give answers or do anything for them – has to be preneed sales or director/arranger – I only had admin in this morning

It is a fricken Monday on a fricken holiday week!!! Seriously ???!! Let me just randomly book appts and hope you handle – well F u… show some class and maybe act like corporation – communication – hello??? Completely ridiculous – so they mad at me but couldn’t tell me who they spoke to!!

No one tell me anything and of course no one know anything about it so whatever

Fricken on a holiday week are you serious – I was in middle of shit show with many things – I am one person!!!!! Jeez!!

So I just sent corp a nice email about communication please – that was soooo not cool!!

Well anyway – omg – Monday was rough!!

Anyway… so that was Monday – I think back to the entire day and think what just happened cause was just a cluster fuck of everything!!!!

Ok when I work ya know – it’s busy – it’s fricken winter – I hate winter 🥶

Today was just really rough!! Whew 😥 😩

Mr Military stopped by to say hello and bring meat lol ok … he is hunter

I am little picky so not sure how that will go? We see … I don’t usually vary from my normal general American things from grocery store lol ✌️ … eh I’m American so whatever

I also shop little Mexican grocery stores cause I have them here and they sell amazing things or thinks I want to cook with… just depends what I am making … but I am typical so 🤷‍♀️

We shall see how new meat is?? Omg

So also… he is so happy and excited to be with me he just wants to tell everyone – he smiles constantly and tells pretty much everyone 😮

I am kinda low key – I want to know him and me… people can find out when they find out… I am quieter and more reserved in that way.

He is more social and a little bit of a shit stirrer ?? I dunno??

He is from my town… but he only just met me little while ago – he didn’t know me before…

I have fun with him… but this is my town from before… I get to stay quiet at the funeral home – people usually don’t come around until they need us … otherwise most stay away

I like my privacy – this town is extremely judgmental so I be guarded … you come to me when you need me and I care for you and your family without any judgement

I am just quiet

He is not… he just wanna announce but I think is not good idea … just walk slowly so I know you

He’s excited to be with me… I make him laugh too – but my life is crazy right with work always (it’s insane)… but I know I can take your pain away … I definitely know how to do that… I see so much death ☠️ and it’s so crazy – I know how to bring in the peace and then also I know how to make you smile and not dwell

I say that cause I can do that for other people – I just can’t for my own self … my mom will be hard loss

I may go silent on that one cause that will rock me – take me down many notches – I don’t even wanna speak of it

Anyway… he makes me feel secure with how much he wants to be in my life – but I have never had someone come in my life deeply so that’s new

I keep my worlds typically separate and they are all crashing together 😮😮😮

Omg

https://youtu.be/k7in-9E3ImQ

I don’t know that I can be ok and deal? We gonna see

I went severely quiet – I tell him the story but just very surfacely … I am quiet 🤫 I am the silent one

They used to say “be seen not heard” I like to not be seen either but it’s ok if you feel my presence lol 😉✌️

I’m kidding – I’m just quiet – I know who my real friends are

Also… I am feisty strong woman… just quietly

I am social… he is sorta surprised I am social lol 🤷‍♀️ just because in funerals and keep to self does not mean I am not social – I know how to present

I’m just quiet – I don’t need to be on all the time… all my energy and emotions go into work and kids always … the rest is just life which I keep peaceful

I think he likes my peace?

But I notice his enthusiasm??

And then I am quiet and he is not – he knows all the people I once knew…

We know same people and may have met once before? But I don’t remember cause I was working at golf course – I see too many people

Ok so ugh I don’t know? He’s just excited because of who I am and then also the way we met … he is whirlwinding into me omg

Ok I don’t mind the closeness or wanting to come close … I’m guarded so I’ll watch behavior

I am whirlwind because I am a force of life – I work in death and fit in that tight little niche 😘

I like tight and close – I need to trust you as does someone who dies – they need to trust they be in good hands 🙌

I am just quieter – and that’s my old life

So I’m just seeing how plays ?

He text me at like 4:30 and say can you leave and ya know what I had a shitty day so yeah I’m out – peace ☮️

So I meet him at an address he give me – and was friends of his whom he has spoken of me to… he is giddy about me.

I like him a lot… I smile when see him, and I like being around him and that he wants to be there the way he does … I like that

I feel slightly guarded with my old life seeping back in … my work has come really close to home, because I am under half a mile from work

Also I worked really hard to get where I am and I had angels 👼 … but I don’t want to??? I don’t know??

I don’t want a thousand people all over my life again – I do not know if I can handle ???

We see??

I want to know you… I am not out to know everyone – I want to enjoy you …not have pressure ?

Just have life?

And then the impressing … I don’t know how to take that?? That is not what I am about but ok whatever cause he can not stop. I just enjoy the time. The other stuff I don’t notice – I come from money … money doesn’t phase me except to survive … so 🤷‍♀️

He just wants to make me happy cause he enjoys me too … I think we both breathe a little life back to each other ?

He’s really really good to me. Always smiles and always happy to spend time with me – he can’t get enough?

He’s funny and a sweet man … I do like him

But I don’t know if I can ever handle church … I’m sorry I just can’t

I’m catholic end of story… I want my last rites and that’s it. Nothing else – I be myself – I go out myself

So I don’t know with that… I don’t know if I can?

I don’t know how serious he is with it

And I am Irish catholic … I think that’s another draw he has to me … because I am Irish catholic from Massachusetts …so massive Irish ??

You don’t have too much like that out here – I have deep Irish roots on both sides ☘️

I wear an Irish ring – never comes off my hand, my whole family had them 💚

I was raised Irish American … deeply Irish American every thing was Irish Irish Irish 🇮🇪 … American 🇺🇸 lol … I was always to know I was Irish… my entire childhood was very Irish with stories and songs

So I dunno – I’m very Irish 🤷‍♀️

Both in looks and how am?? I blend … but I’m Irish ☘️

https://youtu.be/87gWaABqGYs

But… I am a Co Mayo girl mostly …but also Co Cork 😘❤️🇮🇪❤️ that’s where my blood runs ❤️

There is other nationalities in there too lol 🤷‍♀️ but I look Irish, am mostly Irish and I was raised Irish ☘️ – I was always made sure to remember who I was – that was drilled in!! Never forget Ireland ever omg – and I’ve never been there!

Anyway… so I think that grabs him a little ?

And catholic is how raised … I keep close to self taking only the good parts and saying F You to all the bad and judgmental or harmful things

So… I love catholic because I am comforted by the prayers and the saints … for “me” … let me believe what I want. And have in my life how I am ok with

I like peace. I still need peace – he enhances my life – but I am way more peace than he is…

I am whirlwind of life, meaning that… I can make you forget your age and feel life – I survived on comedy through things so I do have a funniness ??

I can make you feel very at ease with me pretty instantly ?? It’s kinda both a blessing and a curse ?? Not that I don’t love that … but then I love life – so you get caught in my life whirlwind – I am positive person – it happens with almost everyone

I just have a sense of humor and then also level of respect ? Also compassion and stuff lol 🤷‍♀️😄

But anyway – I really like him and I like the way he wants to be there – so I love all that…

I’m a little guarded on church … which he’s fine and gentle with – he does not push – so thank you for that – he walks very lightly in this area lol

He also goes to a church that is not catholic so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ not that I care cause whatever you want – you be you…

But for me… I am not comfortable outside of catholic… I also keep distance of catholic for my own self – but I keep it in my heart and to myself

I do not need to be social to be with god or whatever I believe. I believe when you are in nature and so close to ?? I dunno – can’t you feel the spirit better when in such untouched beauty ? And you can breathe 🧘‍♂️??

Also in moments … I only had myself and my beliefs so… yeah I keep distance – I take it how I do and keep to self … I like it that way. I want it that way. Let me love life the way I want … I can’t do like others – I like the peace between me and my maker – nothing else matters so 🤷‍♀️ I just need time or maybe never? I like the way I do and have in my life – I have peace

So I don’t know what to tell you on that end ? But he is understanding of that – so I appreciate and little things like that make me trust him ?

Alright

He does not very much know much about me – he knows “me” in the present moment lol … we are still getting to know each other

But all this is occurring in my town- where I am silent and don’t make waves

I just went so silent – I am still silent

I suppose I am worried my silence will be broken … I don’t know how ready I am to face my prior life … I kinda just leave that behind? That is past and I never have to relive it… or do I? We see

I always say “ if you don’t face something, it will always come back and haunt you”

Ooooohhh I dunno?? Yeah my demons lol (I’m kidding I don’t have demons – but people used to know me – and they know I went silent and then I gonna have questions and I’m tired and I don’t want to speak yet or ever – I just want life so…

I just have not umm ??? There are things I have not processed – so I am not sure how this be?? I am little nervous there – that is my sensitivity so I am little reserved?

Plus my ex – I don’t want him knowing anything at all about my life – only as simple as needs to be – otherwise I don’t want him knowing anything about me

Ok so… I’m still seeing how goes – I both feel at ease with little bit of guard – but ok – I talk freely to him with how I feel when we able

Just some stuff I don’t know how ok I be having all the people back in my life

I just enjoy the peace of life when able

I’m not a crazy go go go person lol omg … I think he is??

I am cancer 🤨 I still hate that they call it that – that offends me sooooooooooo much!!! Can we start a petition to change that please 🙏

If others can change things because they are offended – I would like that changed please 🙏

But cancer is homebody… so ya know I don’t really do that? I have my work and kids for always so … I’ve never really had someone wanna do stuff all the time lol

I just like the wind down of peace and quiet together from the day … just ya know “peace”

Plus … it is winter … I am not the type to want to be outside at night in winter – I am less active in winter 🥶

Catch me in spring and summer – then I love doing things!! ❤️ My seasons ❤️ I come alive in warm weather lol …

I am not a winter person in slightest

Ok I well I have many things here on my mind…

Another thing is … he had a loss … so I just bring back life …

But ok shhh just let me speak for one second in what ifs… because I had cancer … and both my mom and grandmother had dementia or Alzheimer’s … so I don’t know if he be strong enough? I dunno? That terrifies me 🤫

What if I die or I get sick? So 🤷‍♀️ whatever I work n funerals – these are thoughts- they scare me too but you never know.

Anyway let’s not speak that anymore

We were speaking on phone but he was half listening cause his phone cut in and out as he was driving … so anyway whatever – catch ya later

And then later he say to me “ ok so what was it before you said about living together?”

😮😮😮 no no … I said nothing of the sort! No you are mistaken – no no no – no – I did NOT say anything like that… he just laughs so I think he was teasing but I think he also testing waters with that one? I think he wants to be around me all the time

I just need him to let me still be me? He does not know how I am yet – he just knows me in the moments … but he doesn’t really know my silence so ya know

I don’t seem silent like that… I am social … but I’m just private person …very private person

I bring him life after his pain but he does not know my pain so we see – I speak but that is more sensitive area – I say small things but we have not really spoken of because that is hard for me

I like him – but ya know I’m really sensitive and compassionate so … he a little republican – so I just stay quiet politically cause whatever

Ok so let’s see … I’m sure be fine …‘but ya know I leave everything in past and to remember causes pain … so I do not want to remember. I move forward and do not look back … I’m not gonna be turning into pillar of salt ✌️

So I dunno …

Omg people are flooding all back into my life ok this will be fine

I’m kidding – but little nervous.

We see

There gonna be things – he doesn’t totally know me

My personality hmm 🤔… I seem very outgoing and open lol … but I am not lol … I’m quiet I just love life and am light hearted

I also went so severely quiet that ya know I just need time to maybe step back to life – but I like the quiet life… I do not like attention

He sorta can not wait to just tell everyone

So ya know 🤷‍♀️ it’s gonna give me a lot of attention

I know he’s excited and he’s more um ?? Go go go than I am? He want to show me the world 😮 and show me to the world 😮

Well anyway – so far I do like him… he’s sweet and thoughtful to me – he’s always really happy to see me?

Also the story of how meet is weird – is just weird… life just lined it up? I dunno ? Is quite a story

Is one of those types of stories where if continues forward …he will forever be telling lol

He’s very sweet to me.

But then there is some times where I am not sure if he just want to show me off? I can’t really tell? I don’t know?

Like I said – we still learning each other and I do speak … I’m just quieter and more reserved in certain areas

Right now we just in learning stage still but that’s ok…

Just life does have funny way of “things”

I am so used to my quiet peaceful unseen self

But I like him and I’m curious – I do feel safe and secure with him totally

I’m just not sure how will be? On many angles but I guess that’s life – hope I can handle it lol ✌️😘 🙏

Ok well lesson or a blessing – we will see

I’m just venting my stuff

I mostly fell asleep writing this cause you know, exhaustion and stuff lol 🤷‍♀️

I’m a pretty low key person and have been like that for long time so just different and I’m not sure how gonna hit?

Guess we see

Ok I have to run – ugh I’m so tired and here comes Christmas omg and year end and month end omg

Ok well on that note – I gotta go

Just let me survive through please 🙏 I’m strong – I just don’t know how strong?