Thinking

Alright so… thoughts …

I’m tired. I take over another location… I am .04 miles from work ❤️🙌 omg – my commute is nothing … my engine doesn’t even have time to get warm! Lol

I would walk but no not in this heat – no thank you especially after work – no – I will drive the .04 miles

But omg is like a dream 🙌❤️…

https://youtu.be/41P8UxneDJE

But there is a TON wrong – so I am fixing

Ugh … but .04 miles helps tremendously lol ❤️ my smile is soooooo huge from that ❤️🙌✌️ did I tell you .04 miles ❤️❤️❤️❤️ yeah – that helps ALOT

Is still crazy and insane and I doing several at once – but this week – I am .04 miles ❤️ I am in transition 🙌❤️ woo hoo! Yay!!!!!!

And is soooo much more ?? Peaceful than Sac?

I have to handle craziness in Sac…

But here is different – not large homeless problem or crime … so I don’t have to deal with that at this place.

If that incident had been here… the police would have been there.

That’s a little sad.

But whatever – is peaceful crazy lol … is funerals – we still crazy lol ✌️… you just don’t see that because we make seem so effortless lol … but is crazy lol omg

https://youtu.be/_zXKtfKnfT8

I’m sorry but that song just fits it… unless you are in the funeral industry – you will not understand lol

Welcome to the Wild Wild West lol

Anyway… blah blah blah – work – and done ugh

Ok … so I been thinking. Sorta – it’s not going well…

Alright how I say??

Picnic… so I did click with him and I did have a great time, and he very sweet and texts me hello’s, good nights and good mornings

Just really quick no other convo – I am busy – I can not be having convos lol …from minute I get to work I am in it! Unless you are my children or a funeral person – during day I won’t answer – I too busy

But even when is time – is just quick… and then tonight I ask about a building code question 😩 … and I was saying about all the really amazing antiques and things

And I dunno 🤷‍♀️ he answer and chat about for minute and that was it – even when I say really cool stuff lol … I was all excited about a couple things, but meh whatever

But one thing I question – I dunno… I am very protective

So alright – he say to me I should “live while able” … if anyone knows that statement it’s a funeral worker, and I am one who had cancer and knew satan. We all know this VERY well!! We are reminded daily. Literally daily.

So if you say that too me – that throws me lol

Cause I know those words – and yes you should live while able. Yes. Absolutely!

https://youtu.be/aXJhDltzYVQ

I’m aware.

So he tempt me with life, because he has money to do so. Saying wanna go places and enjoy with someone… want to just have fun

When I tell my people – they say just do it – have some fun 🤨 they are no help lol

I tell them he older and they like – so ? I said a lot … remember – I am already old… they are all mostly young… I only look young – they are actually young

I do alot for work and my family so they know I don’t just go have fun lol … I haven’t had a chance

So that is their reasoning – they say take weekend and go have fun why not – they say I would have amazing and awesome life experiences all over place – yes yes I know

I dunno… because he is older man and then he just wanna enjoy what life he has left with someone who would enjoy with him… which I would… I did enjoy his company – he is fun person.

But… there is one thing I really want. So. I dunno

I am not sure if is ok. I am not sure if age is what bother me? Or that one thing I want? I dunno 🤷‍♀️

I am extremely cautious so is it just me?

What would you do? Is fast. That also bothers me

I feel like with fast – makes it so you do not have time to think through what is right and meant to be? And then you have bad somehow – that’s why I don’t like to be pushed

They all think I nuts to question and SAY they would do in heartbeat

But I dunno? 🤷‍♀️

On one hand I wanna have fun and life lol ✌️🙌❤️

But on the other hand I am cautious because Satan so 🤷‍♀️ and I dunno I look at something and then also I want something so.

And I’m kinda a moral person so if I can’t sleep with it – then I can not do it. So I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

Is my first time out the gate so… ya know?

https://youtu.be/_88L-CU7PD4

??

I don’t just wanna be anyone… and there is something I want so 🤷‍♀️

I do not know if I can just have fun like that so fast.

And then my people will say “what time are you waiting for”? Ughhh …they are no help!!

Ugh ok well we see

Oh yeah and then my people wanna write him too… I’m like no – stop ✋ lol 🙄

If you come into my life – funeral people are gonna wanna write you lol … set you up with prearrangements 🙄 sorry – welcome to my life ✌️🙄

If you approach be prepared lol ✌️😄 not kidding – it’s the first thing they say.

No – no one meets my people until I not question and am at ease – nope

So I dunno 🤷‍♀️

Anyway… I’m too tired for anymore 🥱 😴

Gnite

24 thoughts on “Thinking”

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  1. I think Trisha, you have to follow your gut instincts – sometimes there is so much fairy dust it can hide other things – important things that the glitz is now hidden – you like it slower and whilst YES you of all peeps know about life being short because of cancer, because of the devil you knew and especially because of the industry you work in that too can make a person reticent.

    Money produces a different attitude to life. Money isn’t about things – it’s about introducing a freedom to a person’s mind. So the new fellow has money, is boss of his own money making machine and has time to burn – makes for a very different person to who you might be used to being around and with and that alone can generate a hesitancy.

    I want you to have fun, BUT l don’t want you to be hurt and there is another very important element – yes you are young looking – yes you are young at heart – BUT you are not that young, you are wiser and maturer and if you are older than your younger office workers who don’t have your experiences in life, mind, soul and body, they’ll not be able to see your world through their eyes.

    Your take on all of this will be very different.

    So, now l answer you as the Aspie and not as the non-Aspie – autism, says take it slower at your speed, at your logic, use you brain here, use your head, not your heart, don’t allow for the emotions to rule you. YES to having fun, but you have already said, 1] you are not adverse to fun or a relationship, but certain criterias need to be met, 2] you need to reason things through, 3] you like it slow and want to get to know people first as friends and thensee where it goes.

    So, take it slow – if this guy is to be the one in your life – then take it slower, if he is the one he will respect that, but you need to make sure of two things – 1] you are the person he wants to spend time with as a long term companion+ and you he and 2] really important is how much does his age affect you?

    You were fifty this year, but you are a wise fifty despite looking like a younger fifty forty – don’t think 2022, think 2030 when you are 58 and he is? Or think 2040, think ahead of where you are today and where his age is tomorrow.

    You are wise young grasshopper, time to use your head 🙂

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    1. Well no, the funeral industry does not make a person reticent – is opposite – we will tell you how is… lol

      Also with emotions or feelings – we very good with telling those, mostly.

      We are pretty aware of emotions, feelings and life.

      He seems like good person, but I don’t know? It’s too fast for me to know totally and be at ease with. I’m weird like that ✌️

      But then he is older so he has less time

      And then I think of time and life? I think that’s an area that confuses me.

      Life can take your time in an instant… so shouldn’t you enjoy life while you are actually able?

      I do see that aspect – it’s just knowing someone I trip over… so I am hesitant because of people.

      I am tired from things, and since away from Satan – my entire life just blooms 🙌 and I so happy etc… I have peace… I am not being yelled at or hit or anything… I have this incredible peace without ❤️ I can just “be”

      I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself… I can do whatever I want

      And I haven’t had anyone who has come close to being a sincere human being who is not a stalker, or trying to get in my pants, or whatever else.

      He hasn’t made it sexual… so I’m a little more at ease since that’s not his first priority 😊

      However … I’m still young enough that I do still want… so then what is that deal? 😮 omg … I don’t want to think about that, but would it be thing?

      I always think through before emotions – with the one exception of my mom… when her stuff happens my brain goes to mush!

      I have pretty good control of emotions other than with my mom.

      I always think through everything – which why they tell me to just relax and have fun.

      I guess what runs through my head is… there is just something specific I want. For reasons…

      So I think of that

      And then I do think of his age… because of where I work

      When is 35 and 55, not really as big a deal… but 50 vs 70 makes me worry little – not that he is not fit and seem younger- he is… but our time is always numbered – but his more … am I ok with that?

      I know he wanna live as much as he able in whatever time he have left – I understand

      I think about if I was that age… see from his prospective – I can see wanting to just enjoy life knowing I coming close to losing it – time is more numbered

      So that weighs heavy?

      And I am a thinker and I am overprotective

      But currently he does himself anyway.

      And I have a focus on my life and kids after cancer, Satan, Covid, craziness

      So I am hesitant because while I love fun… and totally feel and understand the reasoning … I have fun – I do have an excitement with life and things

      I am nervous because you know I don’t date or give my time typically – I very busy

      But then that’s where I think of life and have vicious cycle with self lol ✌️😄🤷‍♀️

      So 🤷‍♀️ how do you see that?

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      1. Well you have a lot to think about 🙂

        Ps – my reticency comment was more along the lines of what you wrote, l was looking at it from a different perspective is all – as in you see death and some people age wise are closer to it than others.

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    1. Hahaha … I know… not even half a mile ❤️❤️❤️ omg is sooooo wonderful ❤️ Can’t you just feel how huge my smile is???! Omg so big!!!

      Hahaha yes .04 miles instantly make me forget – already forgotten lol ✌️😘

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      1. Haha but I bet a tiny part of you misses the scenery and the fact that you could decompress on the journey home? 😉 Hmm, that said, you are at least free of the driveway-soaking neighbour and his shorts!! ;-p

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      2. I was thinking that this morning – I have like zero drive – so I get to work and feel like I just roll out lol

        But I do like not having the ride home after hard day.

        You have been gone awhile!! You have missed a lot…

        I no longer live in middle of no where with that creepy neighbor lol… oh thank god!

        Instead I bought a house 😊 all by myself ❤️✌️

        I have awesome neighbors here – a family on one side and an older man on other side – the older man lost everything in the Paradise Fire 🔥… and he bought house next door to me – he is nice

        He helps brings my cans up and down for me … the trash and yard waste

        The cans are heavy and I can’t do – plus I gone so early in morning and still come home late! Lol so he just help me with it. 😊

        During week he never see me cause I always working … on weekends he never see me cause Saturday is errands and chores and Sunday I be lazy and sleep ❤️ but he will check in sometimes on Sundays and when he calls he asks “are you still alive over there?” Lol

        He just makes sure I doing ok and watches my house for me 😊

        I also have cameras and alarms on my house for security lol

        But yeah I got a cute house … 3 bedroom, 2 bath – 1,500+ sq ft … same town, just in town

        Before I was in unincorporated part of town… no man’s land lol …

        Now I am in town…

        There have been many changes you miss lol ✌️😄 you can’t miss episodes lol

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      4. Yes. I did 😊❤️ but I work my ass off for that lol … but I couldn’t be happier – away from Satan, not fighting cancer or dealing with courts… I still have my mom ❤️ even though I losing her, I still have her right now. Sorta

        I am good at surviving and not being beaten down. ✌️ currently 😘

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      2. Oh no, that is illegal… we clock all time and breaks – paid time

        But I juggling 3 funeral homes

        Plus I am doing investigating on a certain matter for the new one

        They know is my end of month also

        There gonna be overtime!!

        But yeah we required to clock it – by law

        I clear with boss first but all my bosses know

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      6. Well I work today … I hadn’t gotten my stuff done because of the take over

        But Saturday I did… is Sunday now lol … now I sorta relax and sorta do chores later after little sleep lol ✌️

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      8. Yeah – I am … I am being lazy today lol … I should shower but I have not – I did put laundry in lol

        I also had amazing bad breakfast … lol … is amazing to me in this moment … but is bad unhealthy choice and people would frown lol but whatever – I have reasons ✌️ is needed lol

        I should be doing more things – but I being very slow. Lol

        Do not really have motivation today lol ✌️😄 ugh aging – I tired 😘

        🙏🙏🙏

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  3. So… if 20 more yrs go by and you never take a leap, will you be okay with it? If so, stay on your track. If not, try taking some risks. It’s your life and your call!

    .04 miles? Geeez!

    I used to live 3 blocks from a job and ride my bike. But it was uphill home and that SUCKED!

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    1. Yeah I taking risks… life making me not be soooo in death lol

      I coming alive little by little. 😉

      Yeah – I’m literally like right there!! 😊🙌❤️❤️❤️

      Never work so close before … but then also that means everything in my life is literally right around me – not an escape from lol

      In morning – I push it now because I won’t hit traffic lol ❤️ take me 2 minutes lol

      But at end of day I also push it… oh I can work little longer – there is no commute lol

      So I just need to balance it

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