Ok so, I stepped forward today with something that I don’t want to tell you what… because to most people is nothing – probably something you don’t even think of.
So anyway… no more 1985 😩😩😩
Little by little I am hmm…returning? But I really don’t want to say that, because I really don’t want to return. Lol
So I mostly shared the story before… lost all my humans, survived and battled Satan, survived cancer… blah blah blah…
Well I was frustrated because everything was too much. Was one punch in stomach after another …
I do have angels in my life ❤️ that I would never have survived if wasn’t for them!! Seriously not kidding or exaggerating
I can’t really speak that because I comes out in a cry 😮 so ya know … they my angels 👼❤️
Anyway… one gave me respite for a minute – I was supposed to have more than a minute, but I didn’t have time.
So during that respite … I had just had enough… of Satan, courts, and doctors and hospitals, plus trying to survive – I was exhausted
I just wanted away. I wanted everyone to get the F away from me. I needed space to breathe
So… I did not say one word… one day everything was normal … next day I have surgery and then I went dead silent after
I dropped off everything and just went silent.
It was and is severely out of character. But I needed that.
I found that place in country and I didn’t tell anyone until the last minute … because they all got mad and didn’t want me to leave civilization and said stuff like “harder for you”… “bad decision” “you be alone way out in middle of no where”… “you should stay near friends” – they say many things
I just didn’t care or listen. I just wanted to be away… and so I did. I did not care what they tell me. I am glad I did not listen ❤️
So I just went to the middle of nowhere and it was amazing ❤️… like an Eden 🙌❤️
Incredible beauty and peace ❤️ which is totally priceless
I do have different beauty and different peace here … is different ones.
I have these 2 incredible windows in my kitchen that look out to the front yard every night there is the most incredible sunset 🌅… very beautiful ❤️ stunning
My gaze always get stuck 😮 you just can’t tear yourself away! 😮 the colors ❤️
And I peace to have my own place, so no more mercy. My kids come all the time now ❤️ I have room for them ❤️
So there is that peace…which is good. It’s a section of peace of soul.
But then so is being umm… what would you say? Secluded? Isolated lol… I isolated before you guys lol … I was already doing it – you just made it be the normal thing 😘❤️✌️
It makes me nervous to come back. I know seems like nothing … but I had such peace being away – was my respite ❤️
So ya know … it was wonderful to have insane at work and then at home … it was just away from that world. Just a place of calm and peace
And I love not having social media ❤️
I still have but never log on. I will just keep as is. I never want to go on again.
I also do not need happy reminders of death or anything else
So nope. And I really want low key… chill … don’t notice me… lol
I try to always wear a mask because then you don’t see any smile or nothing – except for the stupid eyes 🤨 … but the smile is always a thing so I just cover lol
Our state mask mandate is over – but each individual business can decide how they wish to proceed.
I don’t care what they do at this point. I just wear the mask out around people. Just feel better that way for a multitude of reasons lol
But it’s just… this is my community. So I don’t want to tell anything or answer anything…I don’t want to say anything or see anyone …
I am still quiet – I like it that way. I don’t want to fully come back… I just don’t wanna be noticed
I like what I do, love my coworkers, am loyal for the start ❤️ I am very lucky the stars lined up the way they did ❤️
But life before massive trauma – I can’t
My work and personal life are 2 separate worlds – currently – they will crash together when my mom dies. ☹️ but that’s another story lol
I just don’t want to be bothered by the past.
I wonder if that means it will haunt me? Lol
It doesn’t currently – but it’s just a matter of time before people notice me back.
I was always good person … I was just way way way more social. I am way out of character currently… but it has become my character now… whatever been that way since summer of 2019 … I just prefer the peace… I like the downtime
I balance where able. ✌️
I know when my soul needs peace.
Today a song I love kept playing on radio I was in the car or the hearse lol (no one else – alive or dead was with me) but was this song all day long lol ❤️
That song makes me smile and always makes me feel happy ❤️ makes me think of spring and summer ❤️
Well anyway… it’s just weird coming back into 2022 with things. I forget how much I walked away from for peace 😮😮
Since 2022 is the year of the Tiger …
I do not have strong footing in civilization because I am trying to hold it off – but it’s like a fricken damn breaking!!
So… we see how this goes
Learning Life 
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