🥂 2022 🎊

Happy New Year! 🎊🎈

I missed New Years 😮

Actually we had celebrated at 9pm – which is East Coast New Year Time – we do that always, but I also wasn’t sure I could make it til midnight… I had been up since 4am on 12/31 for work.

I did not make it til midnight. I woke up about 1:30am and everyone sleeping 🛌 lol – well Happy New Year 🎊🥳

I also had a ton of text messages from everyone that I miss and will have to say tmrw.

I know so many people and quite a few people have my number – including families.

One of messages … was from a man I met when I had cancer 😮😮😮😮

I had literally JUST had my mastectomy done maybe a month before 💔 … I was at a follow up doctors appt. – I had several all the time… it was always doctors and hospitals ☹️

My whole chest was gone, and severely purple, I had 4 drainage tubes that hung around my neck 😝, and was still bandaged. I have a photo – which I just went to look at …maybe I could share, if I could edit photo so wouldn’t be so bad? But nope 👎 it’s really bad – let’s just not. It immediately brings be back to that moment and makes me cringe because I remember ALL of it

This one particular day… I was wearing navy blue pants, and a blue button down shirt for easy access, because I couldn’t lift my arms or anything. I was feeling really sad in those moments.

My chest looked just con-caved ☹️💔 I would hide the tubes and things, but you could tell my chest was gone – I was very devastated

I was quiet and of course with doctor I would cry.

They had not started the reconstruction yet. This was follow up visit to make sure was ok. We were preparing for the reconstruction

So… I went to my appt. and went to my car …only to realize I locked my keys in my car 😔

I have AAA… which is American Automobile Association – is a service that you pay for but they help you with car related things ❤️ I have always been member. So I called them to send someone to help me.

It was little chilly waiting, because was beginning of December.

They sent this hot guy to help me 🤨 – I just didn’t want to really be around people. And of course he was this hot guy… I stayed quiet when he pull up.

So then he was helping me, and talking to me… he thought I was a nurse because I was all in blue 😮😮 lol… he asked me if I was just getting off my shift… that actually made me laugh when he said that.

I told him no, I’m a cancer patient, just had a mastectomy.

He kept making me laugh though, and he was flirty

In those moments, I was not flirty like normal… I just wanted to be invisible.

So while he trying to get my door open to retrieve the keys 🔑… we talking and he making me laugh.

He got my door open and gave me my keys… then out of the blue and I wasn’t expecting at all… but he ask me if when I feel ok to do so, would I like to have dinner with him 😮😮

I had no chest and this man didn’t care 😮 didn’t even phase him… he didn’t care I was cancer patient or looked the way I did that day (tear stained cheeks, because I always cried when with the doctor)

Well I thought he was just trying to make me feel better? But I said ok and he already had my number because he worked for AAA …

I didn’t think I would hear from him, but he was serious 😮😮

Well I was literally going through reconstruction after I met him… so I never went to dinner with him – but we texted for awhile and then I said I would let him know about dinner when everything was over – because was too much at that time – and it would have been crazy to start anything new with anyone… so I just needed to heal. Those were rough moments to me.

PLUS I was still being harassed and things from Satan… I just needed time. (Hmm maybe that is a thing for me?)

The reconstruction took months – more surgeries and things so contact even in text was hard. And I was emotional.

I also thought ok well he’s probably not serious anyway – just making me feel better or beautiful or whatever … and also he was hot so c’mon … why would want a cancer person like that?

I had no idea what his motive was.

Then we just lost contact and I tried to forget everything about those moments.

And then of course, I finished the divorce and have been rebuilding life.

He text me Happy New Year 🎊

😮😮 I was sleeping because exhausted and missed the actual New Year … and I am not texting him now at this hour

I will text him tmrw.

And what is life doing? Why all this man stuff NOW – literally recently… life is throwing every single hot guy at me!! Stop ✋

What the hell is going on?!! I stay quiet so that DOESN’T happen. The more I run from things, the more it chases me!! 🤨 …why is life pushing this on me? That is what it feels like… like life is trying to force on me 😮😮

Like life has had enough of my bullshit lol, and fed up so throws it ALL at me!! 🤨 I need time

I know that time waits for no one – I get that… and I also know that there is never going to be a perfect time for anything…

My life so crazy at moment … I have the new house and possibly new job 😮 which I interview with this coming week…

I haven’t really truly thought about having a man in my life anytime soon and I am always watching for motive 😮

Just weird that in one month, life has thrown Adonis… then country boy and now this guy. So what is that?? Literally one month and all that comes at me

I’ll text him back later today and say Happy New Year. But life seems to be throwing down with this stuff 😮 so not too sure what gonna happen

Life is trying to teach me some sort of lesson 🤨 I kinda know the lesson, but I am trying to avoid it.

https://youtu.be/A2CwZ1UTSSA

There was a lot of trauma in my marriage and also divorce… I know life wants me to move on.

I don’t know if I can. It strikes a fear 😮 💔

But we see I guess because life does NOT seem to be letting up with it. 😔

Anyway, was nice to hear from that AAA man… made all those memories flood back in 😮

In the last post – I made a comment … those who don’t remember their past are condemned to repeat it… I remember but I like to NOT remember – I prefer to go forward and not remember so much pain from things.

But then also because of that I am ultra careful and protective.

I was 17 years old when met my ex… and I’ve never really dated or anything… and in todays world – it’s all overwhelming and over my head. Which is why I always say I need time.

But life evidentially does not want to give me time or thinks I have had enough? Lol

I dunno. I do feel overwhelmed to think about.

We see.

https://youtu.be/8tI1_KlO6xI

Omg here comes 2022 😮😮 well Happy New Year and I hope the world has a good year 🙏🙏🙏

I think we all need that!! 🙏❤️

Ok back to bed – back later