There are moments when I am silent, because I am thinking something through?
I don’t know what I want 😮😮😮
So I really love what we do… and I was really loving my coworkers…
But what if I left? 😮 uh oh
What if I want to get away from death? 😮
Ya know?? Maybe is time?? Shhh
Because “life”? 😮
So I do not know 😮😳 I am thinking
So I am silent… from everyone, not just you lol ✌️
It got a little peopley … I just be silent 🤫 not bad thing. Just clarity
Ugh 😑 that guy is still asking me back out and nope I just can not deal. Instead of saying, after you have readjusted to getting back, let me know maybe we hang out… leave it chill and back off
Not full force – I can not do full force… and if you moving with full force, there is something you do not want me to see.
And I do not want to even deal with that whole thing – but evidentially I am going to have to 🤨😞
It’s gone on the entire time… he texts … I do not respond. I am silent – just a lot and I was going through things – I just couldn’t
He’s bit odd 🤷♀️ ugh speaks a lot about love – way way way over my head and nope. Does not even know me! I don’t even respond
Ok so I will eventually deal with that 😞 I’m so tired
With the way my life is with death currently – that is my life… I don’t really have time or energy for things ?? Nothing seem worth it or fit anyway?
Ugh ok … I must deal 😑
Also I’m just not interested. I didn’t have to say any words – he dug his own grave (ok pun intended lol)
I got too many red flags 🚩 🚩 🚩 … 3 strikes and you out 😘✌️
You just can’t come and say like you love someone when you don’t know them. He does not know me at all. He just wants to jump right in and nope!
And he’s little weird with it – it makes me really uncomfortable 🤨
Immediate pass ✌️ If not me, will just be some other girl.
Whatever – I have my reasons and my logic ✌️😘
Ok so – have to deal with that… 😑 ugh I don’t want to … but if I do nothing – he will keep texting omg … ok fine. Ugh 😑
Ok – bleh – I’ll handle it – I already said we just be friends!!
What do I say? – listen I don’t mind being your friend but I can’t do any pressure from anything right now… I can handle friends only and nothing else.
So that’s either fine or not. But that’s the deal. And I don’t mean be my friend and keep doing all that 🤨 … I am gonna need space – not that I do not like him as a person… I totally do… which is why I am ok with being friends. But you can’t just be instantly close
I am house/pet sitting for a friend with many animals 😮 I am taking care of them lol ❤️
There are usually dogs but they are somewhere else … instead there are 2 cats 🐈 🐈⬛ … one is really old lol … and the other is really fat lol ❤️ … said with much love 😘✌️
Also… lately I have had many things go on… and questions as to what I want … sometimes I am just quiet. There are times when I like quiet … “peace”
So I’m just questioning what I want and my direction 😮
And then a family I gave my cell phone number to… had called me a month ago to say they suffered another loss in another state – could I please give recommendation and I did… I got a reference and knew they would be good and also taken care of …
The woman has been texting me past couple of days and says how incredible thankful and appreciative she is ❤️
So I made big difference in someone’s life
That’s also hard to leave ❤️ “impact”
I really love that… to have given another comfort. ❤️
If I leave I will miss that… you don’t usually have that same impact in regular office jobs lol ✌️
So like every time I think about leaving death… it throws something like that at me lol ✌️ …like a lure lol
I dunno. We see.
This week… I am going to some dinner with the Asian Community Chamber of Commerce 😮
We do that to get name in community and offer support. 🙌❤️✌️
I have to say … Chinese funerals are my favorite ❤️ I love the love, respect and traditions – is very touching and beautiful ❤️
Well the ones I see anyway ❤️
So… dinner … I think that is Wednesday night
I can do socializing and parties … I am social and I smile a lot … but I just prefer simple and peaceful.
Sometimes I do not want to go to something lol … ugh just for reasons … but then I’ll go and it will be fun lol
I am just not the type to go out for socializing like that. Not really my thing.
I’m confident so I don’t have a problem socializing…
I just prefer peace always … ahhh see be my escape, dangle peace right there – perhaps no one knows what that is?? 🤷♀️
Ok so… I will have to look really good that day. I try to look good everyday lol … but this is event – so must be “extra” lol 😘✌️
I think I have something really awesome 👗❤️
So… I will be socializing on a night this week 😮 lol … I also never like going out on a work night lol… but here I am gonna be doing that 😐
I look like a socializing person lol … and I am confident and also have a (self proclaimed really funny) sense of humor ✌️😘 I am not shy with business 😮 lol
But I’m not really a socializing person lol … I’m a quiet type lol … that’s why you go slow 😘✌️
It’s odd to explain… I socialize pretty well because I moved around all the time growing up … so always made friends really fast – had to.
I just don’t socialize usually, because I am addicted to peace ✌️ lol ❤️❤️
So… we gonna see how this week goes.
I am not really sure where any of my thoughts are with most things …
Except I am absolutely positive I have to deal with this guy issue 🤨 ugh 😑
I am a little afraid to leave death 😮 there is signs like death is persuading me to stay and then I will see repeating numbers in good way – shhh yes superstitious with things … just let me ✌️
So when I start to question … death always shows very persuading reason to stay?
So I know it’s just me being all weird but seems to be that way.
I was just cooking and totally grabbed something the wrong way and totally burnt 3 fingers – they hurt so bad ☹️
See death didn’t want me to say that lol
Anyway… so I’m thinking about things and how to deal ✌️ … what I actually want. What’s ok.
Off subject and crypticish … I watched this thing on YouTube with this young man 😮😮 he was from another country and everything he did was impressive!
I don’t want to say what lol … or where he was from lol … I’m just saying pretty impressive young man – he could literally do everything 😮🙌 😮😮
Also… my taste and smell are completely back 🤨I liked not having taste for a minute… that was fun
The smell part I didn’t like when I could not smell my perfumes or lotions. I smell them all now. I can smell everything again. Not smelling bad smells was a bonus lol ✌️
Ok well… my fingers are gonna blister 😮 lol
I’m not sure what I want – but we see
…not gonna put up with any crap… if can’t be human being – I’m out ✌️ … also … if jealous and insecure I am not gonna deal with any of that either
** but again… I do know what I want with a man – so that part I got down! ✌️ it can not just be whoever sorry … so whatever ✌️… I am solid in that area – I am not willing to play games, unless it is actually fun game things lol ✌️
Also don’t quickly put pressure!!! No no nope…
Yeah nope – “peace” … key word is “peace” 💋✌️
So I just need to figure out – what I want in life? Cause hmm? I feel exhausted with death stuff a little bit but that’s also aided by this problem employee.
And then just tons of stuff in a lot of directions 😮
Ok well I have to get to bed… it’s really late – it’s already way past tmrw lol ✌️