There are moments when I am silent, because I am thinking something through?
I don’t know what I want 😮😮😮
So I really love what we do… and I was really loving my coworkers…
But what if I left? 😮 uh oh
What if I want to get away from death? 😮
Ya know?? Maybe is time?? Shhh
Because “life”? 😮
So I do not know 😮😳 I am thinking
So I am silent… from everyone, not just you lol ✌️
It got a little peopley … I just be silent 🤫 not bad thing. Just clarity
Ugh 😑 that guy is still asking me back out and nope I just can not deal. Instead of saying, after you have readjusted to getting back, let me know maybe we hang out… leave it chill and back off
Not full force – I can not do full force… and if you moving with full force, there is something you do not want me to see.
And I do not want to even deal with that whole thing – but evidentially I am going to have to 🤨😞
It’s gone on the entire time… he texts … I do not respond. I am silent – just a lot and I was going through things – I just couldn’t
He’s bit odd 🤷♀️ ugh speaks a lot about love – way way way over my head and nope. Does not even know me! I don’t even respond
Ok so I will eventually deal with that 😞 I’m so tired
With the way my life is with death currently – that is my life… I don’t really have time or energy for things ?? Nothing seem worth it or fit anyway?
Ugh ok … I must deal 😑
Also I’m just not interested. I didn’t have to say any words – he dug his own grave (ok pun intended lol)
I got too many red flags 🚩 🚩 🚩 … 3 strikes and you out 😘✌️
You just can’t come and say like you love someone when you don’t know them. He does not know me at all. He just wants to jump right in and nope!
And he’s little weird with it – it makes me really uncomfortable 🤨
Immediate pass ✌️ If not me, will just be some other girl.
Whatever – I have my reasons and my logic ✌️😘
Ok so – have to deal with that… 😑 ugh I don’t want to … but if I do nothing – he will keep texting omg … ok fine. Ugh 😑
Ok – bleh – I’ll handle it – I already said we just be friends!!
What do I say? – listen I don’t mind being your friend but I can’t do any pressure from anything right now… I can handle friends only and nothing else.
So that’s either fine or not. But that’s the deal. And I don’t mean be my friend and keep doing all that 🤨 … I am gonna need space – not that I do not like him as a person… I totally do… which is why I am ok with being friends. But you can’t just be instantly close
I am house/pet sitting for a friend with many animals 😮 I am taking care of them lol ❤️
There are usually dogs but they are somewhere else … instead there are 2 cats 🐈 🐈⬛ … one is really old lol … and the other is really fat lol ❤️ … said with much love 😘✌️
Also… lately I have had many things go on… and questions as to what I want … sometimes I am just quiet. There are times when I like quiet … “peace”
So I’m just questioning what I want and my direction 😮
And then a family I gave my cell phone number to… had called me a month ago to say they suffered another loss in another state – could I please give recommendation and I did… I got a reference and knew they would be good and also taken care of …
The woman has been texting me past couple of days and says how incredible thankful and appreciative she is ❤️
So I made big difference in someone’s life
That’s also hard to leave ❤️ “impact”
I really love that… to have given another comfort. ❤️
If I leave I will miss that… you don’t usually have that same impact in regular office jobs lol ✌️
So like every time I think about leaving death… it throws something like that at me lol ✌️ …like a lure lol
I dunno. We see.
This week… I am going to some dinner with the Asian Community Chamber of Commerce 😮
We do that to get name in community and offer support. 🙌❤️✌️
I have to say … Chinese funerals are my favorite ❤️ I love the love, respect and traditions – is very touching and beautiful ❤️
Well the ones I see anyway ❤️
So… dinner … I think that is Wednesday night
I can do socializing and parties … I am social and I smile a lot … but I just prefer simple and peaceful.
Sometimes I do not want to go to something lol … ugh just for reasons … but then I’ll go and it will be fun lol
I am just not the type to go out for socializing like that. Not really my thing.
I’m confident so I don’t have a problem socializing…
I just prefer peace always … ahhh see be my escape, dangle peace right there – perhaps no one knows what that is?? 🤷♀️
Ok so… I will have to look really good that day. I try to look good everyday lol … but this is event – so must be “extra” lol 😘✌️
I think I have something really awesome 👗❤️
So… I will be socializing on a night this week 😮 lol … I also never like going out on a work night lol… but here I am gonna be doing that 😐
I look like a socializing person lol … and I am confident and also have a (self proclaimed really funny) sense of humor ✌️😘 I am not shy with business 😮 lol
But I’m not really a socializing person lol … I’m a quiet type lol … that’s why you go slow 😘✌️
It’s odd to explain… I socialize pretty well because I moved around all the time growing up … so always made friends really fast – had to.
I just don’t socialize usually, because I am addicted to peace ✌️ lol ❤️❤️
So… we gonna see how this week goes.
I am not really sure where any of my thoughts are with most things …
Except I am absolutely positive I have to deal with this guy issue 🤨 ugh 😑
I am a little afraid to leave death 😮 there is signs like death is persuading me to stay and then I will see repeating numbers in good way – shhh yes superstitious with things … just let me ✌️
So when I start to question … death always shows very persuading reason to stay?
So I know it’s just me being all weird but seems to be that way.
I was just cooking and totally grabbed something the wrong way and totally burnt 3 fingers – they hurt so bad ☹️
See death didn’t want me to say that lol
Anyway… so I’m thinking about things and how to deal ✌️ … what I actually want. What’s ok.
Off subject and crypticish … I watched this thing on YouTube with this young man 😮😮 he was from another country and everything he did was impressive!
I don’t want to say what lol … or where he was from lol … I’m just saying pretty impressive young man – he could literally do everything 😮🙌 😮😮
Also… my taste and smell are completely back 🤨I liked not having taste for a minute… that was fun
The smell part I didn’t like when I could not smell my perfumes or lotions. I smell them all now. I can smell everything again. Not smelling bad smells was a bonus lol ✌️
Ok well… my fingers are gonna blister 😮 lol
I’m not sure what I want – but we see
…not gonna put up with any crap… if can’t be human being – I’m out ✌️ … also … if jealous and insecure I am not gonna deal with any of that either
** but again… I do know what I want with a man – so that part I got down! ✌️ it can not just be whoever sorry … so whatever ✌️… I am solid in that area – I am not willing to play games, unless it is actually fun game things lol ✌️
Also don’t quickly put pressure!!! No no nope…
Yeah nope – “peace” … key word is “peace” 💋✌️
So I just need to figure out – what I want in life? Cause hmm? I feel exhausted with death stuff a little bit but that’s also aided by this problem employee.
And then just tons of stuff in a lot of directions 😮
Ok well I have to get to bed… it’s really late – it’s already way past tmrw lol ✌️
Learning Life 
Yikes, your head must be spinning but hopefully a good night’s sleep will help. On the plus side, you know what you don’t want, so, that is half the battle kinda won 😉
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Well … yes I do know what I do not want lol … but it’s probably more “what I am ok with” – which is why people need to go slow.
I am not in any kinda race ✌️… yes life is short, so I think things through – make sure is ok?
But yes things going on everywhere 🤨
Nothing can be spread out – it all has to occur at same time 🤨✌️… ahh life and death – decisions decisions lol
Just figuring out ✌️
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Yes, that makes good sense! Ha, yes, decisions, decisions indeed! Good luck!
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Hey 🙂
Yes you do need to take care of the guy issue before it becomes problematic like stalker material status or obsessed texter [although he is getting like that] … because the longer you leave it, the more disturbed your sense of inner peace is going to become, sadly. You don’t need the hassle.
As to the death change – you know, change is good for everyone – you are a strong confident woman who knows what she wants – you have had two really close calls and life is so incredibly short trisha, way too short to NOT take advantage of everything it has to offer. With the covid problem so close to home, l wouldn’t be surp[rised that you are thinking of making a break … or hey, you know me, but this has to come … your sense of humour will take it.
Time to pull out the Fun from funeral and live your life more …. maybe you have had enough of grave affairs ….. yeah yeah l know, my puns could be the death of things …. time to move on, the crematorium business has urned enough of your time … l’ll stop shall l 🙂
Keep well.
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I love your words lol ❤️
You are correct because is unbalancing my inner peace currently!
I just have to find the way I would like to say this… I have already said “we just be friends”
So. Yeah thinking of my words. 😶 💭
I can not handle “anything” right now… so friendship is fine, if you can be chill, but I can not do anything else.
I feel like that’s perfect … however he also doesn’t listen… I said we just be friends before … so not too sure I even want that door open?? I don’t want to keep dealing with same thing
So in that case what do say?
I can not handle anything right now. Please stop contact
So opinion? Lol 😘✌️
Something is different since Texas ?? I don’t know? 😮 I am quiet – really quiet – and my spirit is exhausted? But I’ve been severely silent since coming back.
Yes my sense of humor keeps me alive 🙌❤️always
Hahaha I love puns lol ❤️ those were funny ❤️
Well, my soul just kinda feels exhausted? I’m just not same ? I do not have my spirit? Is just bleh.
Compassion caring empathy – yes…
But I’m really silent and my spirit is different? Maybe exhausted? Not really sure? My spirit is totally different since Texas 😮
So.. might just be time ?? Maybe
Keep well yourself and thank you always ✌️😘
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Hey Trisha 🙂
The pandemic as a starter changed all of our views and that was without anyone actually having covid – as in it was easier for those to change without experiencing the disease. The lockdowns changed many people.
But C19 is a life shortener, there is no polite way to say it and once people have caught it and survived, l have noticed those people ‘really’ change not just lockdown or overall pandemic attitude change , l mean they change deeply.
You had that call recently whilst in Texas and whilst visiting your mum who you love dearly. Death suddenly came knocking directly on your door more so than the experienced marital abuse or the cancer – somehow – covid made death very possible.
Then not just life, but your life and lives close to your heart became affected.
So whilst working with death helps the compassionate side to you, the actuality of death is no longer in your heart and now you want to live more and steer clear of death.
With buddy boy – he is coming across as clueless, desperate or just plain ignorant and dumb or maybe all four – he has currently his target of ‘lurve’ set on you – the only way to deal with this type is a short sharp assassins bullet … no, sorry that’s not it hahaha – l meant .. erm – a slap down yes, that is it, a slap down – a NO, means NO pal slap down 🙂
“We be friends or we be nothing!” slap down, “Take it or leave it!”
You’ll sort it out Trisha l have every confidence in you to find the best solution 🙂
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Well I DO really love the job… it is in my heart to help people through, and I know death really well
I’m just not loving being there anymore … I have exhaustion from the corporation and also employees.
It’s like when you have something you love… like cooking or gardening … if something made that a chore, it takes away some passion?
And over and over again, I watch it implode because of management. Every year like clockwork.
My spirit is exhausted from it?
Take out the corporation and problem employees and it be great!
But it’s just a lot and I am tired. I love my job, but I don’t know if I want to be there anymore.
Yes I do have to say something to him … but he is last on my totem pole right now … I have way too much going on to deal with that – I don’t have the time and then I’m also exhausted. ☹️
But yes I will handle all of it 😑
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