What happened 😮

Lol … he actually came down 😮 we went out to dinner and talked – was good.

So… we talk about many things lol

We are sort of on same page.

Everything about him is awesome – when I’m with him he treats me so amazing ❤️

But “feelings”wise… he’s afraid of me lol

I am very in touch with feelings – I work at a funeral home … of course I need to be in touch with feelings and things like that … if I love something I want to cherish it and savor it because I know won’t be forever. So I want to savor every minute …

And I know time. I know life so ya know – “that” – I do wear my feelings very easily ✌️ which is why I am very protective

I watched what I went through and then I also watched covid and I watched the world… so ya know… I think about all that

I’m not scared to love again – I could do that – but I have to be sure… there is no guarantee – I know. But I want to be sure for myself.

There are a few things that might be issue? Could be issue

I don’t know?

So you wanna know? Lol

Well like I said – everything about him is awesome – he’s amazing to me…

BUT lol … he is a Trump supporter and even still. He liked Trump because he wants his gun rights, he doesn’t like having so much homeless and problems and thinks that is the liberals lol – he thinks it’s too soft with liberals and they wanna take away all the rights

Ugh 😑😄

He ask me Trump or Biden lol

I say to him “you want me to tell you who I pick?” He say yes – ok well be careful asking questions you may not like answer to cause immediately I say … I pick Biden ✌️

I am not a liberal… and I don’t necessarily like all the soft liberal things – I agree everyone should be respected and have their best life – but I also believe in rules and things – I don’t like it soft

Life isn’t fair but people seem to want to try to make it fair – it will never be fair, but go ahead – knock yourself out.

I do like Biden over Trump – Trump was awful and that whole time… was sooo upsetting… just like every day!! I could not take him at all.

So CB has a touch of Trumpness lol … I only see it when he tells me about it

I ignore politics and everything else …I live my life and stay away from society ? Lol. 💋✌️

He questioned me on that. Why I do that … why do I not come back to life? He said “you are in a little shell, why do you not live life?”

I do. I live life the way I am ok with it – I am fine with my little shell.

He asked why I don’t date?

Because I find it gross. I have both a girlfriend AND a completely different guy friend, who both share their dating stories with me (and they are promiscuous) so 😮 … nope!! Not doing that!!! I am fine with my little shell 🐚

And he ask me about sex 😮 uh oh

Well… I just take my time – I am not in rush and I don’t want it to be that first… I want substance or nothing. So 🤷‍♀️

And then also… I had Satan before so I never want that again… and I never wanna waste time with someone who has no heart.

He did tell me he is afraid of feelings because he let his guards down with 2 other women and they devastated him – so I understand that.

But if he can’t ever let go with it, then he is not for me… I don’t mind going slow but if he can’t do that – I want to walk away.

He tell me “well I will always be here for you however you want, even if you don’t want me – I will always be your friend” 😮

We talked about my cancer. I cried because that is still emotional? It will probably always be – it’s just that kinda thing

I’m pretty quiet with that- I don’t really bring up much because obviously it makes me cry… he watched me go through it and then go silent ✌️

So we talked about that

He asked if ok to see – so I show him – I don’t mind … I do share with other women who have cancer … some women stepped in for me (women I didn’t even know) and they showed me before I went through it … so that ..when I went through it – I knew what was happening …

I do that for other women ✌️ it was a great help and very comforting through that, so I remember that always… and do that for others ❤️ I don’t mind that.

But besides doctors … he is first man to see 😮😮😮

He saw the scars and things. He did not really react… so that was good. Good move… he just simply said they still beautiful… I agree – but they just a little more “personal” than someone with normal breasts? They have emotions attached to their fakeness lol ✌️

He was good with it. He didn’t react bad, and he didn’t take it further ❤️ he let me show him and he was sincere – he also is aware of way I am so he goes slow and doesn’t push, doesn’t try to be creepy or anything. He lets it be normal ❤️

He did not make it uncomfortable or bad so that was really good – that’s why I kinda trust him. He does make me feel secure ❤️ I don’t worry there with him. He handled that really well.

But like I said there are a few things … the Trump thing – I can over look that – but I really don’t care about the government – they don’t care about me so whatever – just don’t bother me ✌️ the minute they step on my toes though – that’s when you get the fire lol ✌️ so try to take away freedom or rights and then you got a problem 💋

But my daughter is very 🔥 firey lol … she HATES Trump and will fight to the death on that lol… she is firey with everything mostly.

So that is a thought because all my kids hate Trump with a passion.

They are very liberal … I am in middle … I am not liberal and I am not Republican

I don’t like it too liberal … and I don’t like it too republican so … I don’t like to deal with either ✌️ I do think “the sides” ruin democracy with idiotic fighting over stupid shit- I don’t like having split sides like that

There are lines draw with that politics shit

He is respectful and things but he does have that slight harshness when he speaks of liberals lol – whatever

We all have our beliefs so whatever … I don’t step on his, he doesn’t step on mine ✌️

I’m fine with that… he allows me to be me… and I allow him to be him … it’s nice – peaceful

Too bad the world couldn’t take that lesson – but whatever ✌️

So I don’t know – it was nice dinner and talk after … he drove to a lake and we talked there … was beautiful

It was hot even into the night 😮 but not bad by time we got there

So was good talk – a lot of things out of the way… I have a better understanding I guess? Not that I don’t still question because I do.

The thing that bothers me … is not his beliefs, or thoughts … I’m ok with all that…

The problem I have is that “feelings” area … because if he can’t let go with that, then I don’t want anything – if he’s too broken to get past that … then I am not comfortable

I was with Satan… so I understand being scared … but if you can’t handle feelings that is deal breaker red flag 🚩

I’m not doing that again… and so there lies the issue ✌️

I like him a lot, I trust him because he always tells me the truth, whether I want to hear or not – I like that… I like the way he treats me – I like who he is as a person with me. 😊

I don’t mind time, if it’s worth it… but I also cherish my time so if is not right – I don’t waste my time 😮

Also… I kinda run from men lol – he did tease me about that …

But if men weren’t so constant and would relax with women then wouldn’t be issue? But I don’t even have the chance to chill and see for myself… cause they come at me all the time – so I just run the other way lol ✌️ easier and simple and they all the same

Give me time… let ME see

Men don’t get it but whatever ✌️ they think with wrong head 💋✌️ so come at me the right way and you might have chance lol ✌️

But anyway – I have to think.

He did say he wanna see me more 🙄 but we see ..and ya know he has that feelings blockage so I don’t know. Why wanna see me more then?

It does not match up in my mind ✌️ so… I still have caution.

I like him and I trust him – because he does tell me the truth so… he has points there ✌️ that is rare 💋✌️ I don’t wanna hear bullshit.

He is not afraid of saying or being who he is with me for the most part and I like that.

He also got personal with me with his things 😮 he tell me the things he went through. I knew his story only on the surface.. but he tell me details and they were heartbreaking 💔 ❤️‍🩹

That was sad …so I do understand slightly – I saw his emotions there.. so I know is sensitive to him ..so that’s fine

I get it… but I’m gonna need feelings to go any further 😘✌️

So whatever – I got to see him, we got to have dinner and talk and was good talk. Give me better perspective. I have thoughts going through my mind though. Of everything so – I have to think.

I’m very careful of what’s in my life. I like him as a person – I’m just not sure he is MY person.

I can not do no feelings. I tell him that because I don’t want that… if that’s what you good with ..then that’s not for me

But I am all or nothing with that… so then he steps gently

So he’s afraid of me with feelings, but doesn’t want me to walk away. Says he can’t do feelings currently but then at same time, doesn’t want me walking away.

I am a little scary with that. I can see that. Because I have urge to run? I give him leeway because of what those other women did to him – I understand because of Satan and I also have my caution areas so … whatever … and also because he treats me so amazing too – so I don’t currently run

I’m a runner if I feel fear or any problems so there is his caution ✌️😘

But you don’t have to worry with that if you honest and can have feelings – when you can’t … that is when you need caution ✌️ …I appreciate the honesty – but that feeling thing bothers me …

I do not want to pay for another woman’s destructive behavior … I have no problem going slow or repairing that pain … but I don’t want to be crucified because of what someone else did.

I do not hold him in same light as Satan … I know he is nothing like Satan – I don’t make him pay because of what Satan did. So.

I don’t wanna be held next to another woman – good or bad.

So he can figure that out.

We just different but with similar issues ✌️😘

So we see – I will think.

15 thoughts on “What happened 😮

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    1. Lol yeah finally he followed through with some words lol ✌️ I am teasing 💋✌️

      But yes finally lol …

      It went good in the way it give me perspective so I figure out what I want ✌️😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good, sometimes knowing what we want and what we will or will not settle for are crucial. So, even if this returns to the Friends’ Zone, then at least you have that clear perspective for the future 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Well yeah lol – he does lol

      But I am hung up on that no feelings thing.

      But he does allow me to be me… so I will see. I will cut him some slack or try to. ✌️

      He is very good to me and very sweet. But then without feelings I am cautious?

      So I can’t really have him come close to me, if he can’t do feelings – because I do.

      But we will see.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hrrmm. I get him wanting to protect himself… but then why is he even trying to be close. Ya gotta risk to get rewards!

    And he’s clammed up but thinking you should not be?

    I see why you have such mixed feelings. From your posts, it seems like he’s nice and attractive and feels safe… but not avail often, holding back, and there’s not a lot of possibility of growing closer.

    At the same time, he could say no feelings but realize he obv has them. And that he’s willing to show feelings to keep you around.

    I dunno. It’s a lot. Thanks for the reminder on why I stopped trying to date!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup you hit it right on the nose. If he needs to be afraid of that for himself, and that’s what he wants – then ok –

      But I’m gonna have to walk away from that under those terms

      I do not clam up when comes to saying those things if is coming close in my life

      Well he has a decision to make then because I don’t want that – and that does not line up with what I want

      So we see. I have not told him I am walking away yet… I’ve been too busy this week.

      That’s coming ✌️


      1. Eh… depends on the way you look at it…

        I was not totally sure about him. And while he’s amazing to me always, he’s not right … and I would rather know now, before anything actually starts.

        That one thing is said is my key element so ??

        Just easier to know now. And then that clears the way for whatever I want I guess 😮

        Is kinda sad though – but oh well. Also good.


      2. Yeah. I meant it’s sad that he has shut off the core piece that you need, and appears unwilling to turn it back on. I get it – we all have to protect ourselves. But he’s never gonna be in a good relationship till he can be vulnetable again. He seems so good otherwise.

        You’re right… better to know now!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yup. It is too bad – he is awesome otherwise so whatever. That’s ok… I don’t want something forced.

        I want peace not crap lol ✌️


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