I have to do a life history evidentially … because he wrote one to the court claiming I was the abusive one 😮😮 he says he is the victim of “ME”
Ok so let me write my account of the marriage
If he had any ounce of empathy and compassion like he claims… he would never let another human being experience what I experienced while he attacked, so you tell me. THE COURT had to step in and TELL him to allow me to battle cancer!!!
So I have to do that … that means I have to remember moments – so I can recount them 😔 I hate him
So now I have to face those moments and recount them… that makes me feel sick. To remember those moments – of what, when he almost killed me? you want those details – alright let’s lay it all out.
Ready Satan… here we go …
I definitely DO NOT love him!! I just hate everything about the loser. He’s the victim – ha! What a joke … 250lbs vs 120 🤨 Asshole
Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie – this is why he terrifies me… he lies so well… and I have never had protection before now… so that is different this time. But I do not trust the courts because they have allowed him to continuously LIE!!
I have several letters of recommendation … tons… so hopefully my character references help.
I want to write down my account so in court I do not get upset cry or forget
I hate him. I want to say something… but I don’t want that karma. So I don’t say.
So I have to do that.
Also all my jobs required a calmness, empathy and compassion… my school position, my police things, and the funeral home… all of them required understanding and compassion…
I hope the courts see through who he is 🙏🙏 please 🙏🙏
Also guess who called me today?? 😮😮😮😮 MY SCHOOL!!!! For next year!!! 😮😮😮 they want me back 😮😮
But my answer will be “no”… I miss my kids but that was only part time… I need Full Time…
I currently have full time and currently fit in where I am… I love my position, I love my staff, I love my job…
They could not match my current hours OR pay. So I will have to pass. I do have to survive.
😮
I was stunned they call me 😮😮 ❤️❤️ I do miss those kids!!
But I fit with death at moment and has lifted me up further … I can’t step back down. So … that made my heart pump today… I didn’t answer because I didn’t know who was ?? Thought telemarketer… but nope … when I listened to the message and they said…
We want you back and want to know your availability.
Well they let me go… I had to survive last year. I have no availability now.
I love those kids – but at the same time … I just fit well where I am – I don’t question it anymore ❤️❤️❤️
I love the independence and the support and the trust… I love my coworkers and the job. It’s not ever easy… but it is easy for me to pull from my own emotions with those things… I can connect very easy with loss and devastation.
So it did make my heart pound. I hope those kids are doing good!! I miss them sooo much!! I never had a chance to say goodbye to them, they wouldn’t let me because when things were shutting down in March of 2020, they had not told parents yet… so I could not tell the kids or say anything… I had to look at their faces and know but not say a word 😮 that was hard
I wanted to tell all those kids how much they effected my life… I wanted to tell them how I had just had cancer and they made me light and have life again …
Their brightness with what was in front of them… their energy… their kindness… how much they made me feel welcome and loved ❤️❤️ when I didn’t have my own kids – I borrowed yours ❤️ I never got a chance to tell them just how much they all meant to me ❤️
But I am mushy on those types of things, so I would have cried anyway. But those kids were amazing ❤️
It is pouring again… downpouring!!! My commute was sooooo awful!! Omg these California people and driving in bad weather 🤨🙄
Holy moly!!! When bad weather starts they are cautious… but by winters end… I guess they don’t care anymore cause they fly and swerve in and out … and since everything reopening fricken traffic is back full on!!
And is bad weather – complete downpour!! 😮 so huge puddles all over the place!! On side streets/on highway/ everywhere!!! So hydroplaning 🤨 slow your roll – I would like to live thank you 😘✌️
They so used to driving in sunny and beautiful that you give bad weather and it’s a fricken free for all… only at the very start of winter and bad weather are they cautious. 🙄🤨
Also … I have one more thing… this will be me bitching about something because it makes me very mad!!
So… let’s go ahead and lay out our dirty laundry…
I am so fricken ass tired of this racist shit!!! So here let me give my 2cents …
Racism is based out of fear – fear or not understanding, fear of the unknown, fear of different… it is also very small minded.
Do you label me on my nationality? I am Irish and Lithuanian by blood… by I am an American born and raised 🇺🇸❤️ … I had no control over that either. I was given the cards I was dealt
Do you label me on my religion? I am Catholic – but I will never shove that down your throat… I am very private there and handle my own way… but I do claim Catholic, I was just raised that way.
Do label me on my eye color or hair color – I also had no control over that either
And … let me ask you this… if some random Irish person or maybe some random American does something bad – are you going to judge me because I am Irish or American?
People are human beings not a race!!! Not a nationality, none of that!!
So now racists are using covid to target Asians!!
Exactly what race are these racists?? Because ?? How you gonna be racist when everyone is some race?? Including them!!
I hate that we label by race and things – I wish we could stop that!! Why do we have to label literally everything 🤨
My part timer is asian – if any one goes after him or targets him- you will have me after you! I will absolutely stand by him and protect him!!
He is an amazing person and we cherish him!! He’s the one who followed me around taking notes … whatever we need done … he is on it!! He is brilliant and solves my technical issues … he helps all of us with whatever we need help with ❤️
He is funny and loyal and fits in with us ❤️
One of my other funeral homes wants to steal him from me lol… because he is THAT good! No!! He is ours, we want him.
I have allowed them to borrow him 2days this week because they were in a bind.
They made a comment about wanting to take him… ughhh no! Lol … I told him that and he laughed…
He said when he was there he felt awkward and “in the way”? He said was just a different atmosphere than when he is with us.
When he is with us, he is comfortable and enjoys us – he feels like he fits in with us ❤️ he is PART of us!!! He melted in with us immediately!! ❤️ it took him maybe a few days to get used to us lol … and now he is one of us ❤️ he has just melted in perfectly ❤️
The words he said to me was “I am never going to any other funeral home… I love it here… I want to be here with you guys. I belong to ugly walls” (he didn’t say ugly walls – but I do not want to share the name of my funeral home – I still love privacy 😘✌️)
But he said that. So he is loyal ❤️
He is funny… our humors are all very similar … because we are funeral people – so we are hilarious lol… we balance the sad with the most amazing personalities ❤️ we are team ❤️
Or maybe that’s just MY people ?? ❤️❤️ (I have literally THE most incredible amazing people!!)
His demeanor … is amazing… he is calm … he has a very calming way to him … his speech is calm… he speaks perfectly!! I believe he is American raised – just like me 😘✌️
His family comes from Taiwan 🇹🇼
He is young, but VERY mature… his mannerisms are mature and calm … he is very comforting and also strong 🙌❤️
He is eager to learn, we give him freedom to do that and we also help teach him!! He is like a sponge 🧽… you give him information and he sucks it up!! He’s really amazing!! I am impressed by him.
I can not think of ANY bad thing about him at ALL!! I could keep going on and on about how amazing he is!! He is poised and good posture. Got himself a suit, he polishes his shoes – dude has got it!!
We had funeral people appreciation day and corporate let us get something we wanted – we made our chairs better with supports… but do you know what he asked for??
He asked for a shoe shine kit… and a tea 🍵 that comes from Taiwan 🇹🇼 … this kid! He’s pretty amazing and impressive!
His shoe shine kit is adorable and he was all excited ❤️ he understands presentation ❤️ and he loves his tea 🍵
Now HE would be what I consider a man … he has good morals, he’s a good kid, he is responsible, he kind, thoughtful, he is calm – he’s just amazing – how else do you say?
I suppose I could say it’s nice having a man around lol … even though he is a kid lol (late 20’s) … to me he is young. Quite the most delightful young man!
So how you gonna miss out on that?? See what you miss when you be a racist for any reason?
You could completely miss out on an incredible person or culture!! A racist doesn’t realize that!!
And can we not hurt each other? How does one not think of people as human beings? With families and people who love them?
Where is the empathy, love or compassion??? Some people are void of that 😮😮😮 – I know this is truth -because I was married to Satan so I can say that ✌️😘 it is truth…
However … then you see shining lights like my part timer – who for his age is well beyond his years and that kid will go far! He has a very bright future, he is a strong young man, very impressive.
So let me say this… quit the shit.
I am so tired of all this awful stuff… stop!!! That is why I do not turn on the news!! See it made me all mad and then I take longer than I wanted to 🤨
But I will protect him any way I have to. I stand behind him, all of us do! He does the same for us ❤️
He is one of mine now, so I got his back.
These are the stupidest issues ever!! I can’t believe I am even venting on this!
This should not be issues in 2021!! How much longer are we gonna have these issues that have zero pertinence to life???
I am just mad that some people think they are god 😡
I have to go. I have homework. And then court tmrw … I feel a little sick… my tummy is turning. I am nervous. And scared.
Ok so I have to go. I procrastinated 😘✌️
Good Night 🌙😴💤😘
Learning Life 
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