Just a lot of thoughts

Hmm – I have lots of thoughts this evening.

So let me start with work… today someone lost a loved one and was calling funeral homes for pricing. (This is a normal thing they are shopping for lowest price) there is obviously no preneed.

So I walked through everything with them and then gave them our price for a direct cremation – no services – just the cremation and everything that goes with that… transportation, permits, death certificate, the actual cremation etc – plus urn ⚱️

We are expensive in the area – but he said other funeral home gave them higher price

They are far away. I have a funeral home near them with even cheaper price and it’s one of mine so I give them their info.

As I am speaking and explaining things he suddenly stops me and says…

“You know, I just have to say… out of all the people in your business you have been the most calming and most helpful we have experienced – so I want to say thank you”

❤️ that was really sweet to say!! 😊 ❤️

They had told me one funeral home told them if they can get their loved one TO them they would help and then added “good luck” 😮😮😮 …I gasped when they told me that!!! How do you say that to a family??!!! What the hell?

I told them if you need anything else you call me back.

And that is how you do service 💋✌️

Because they are going to speak of that to others – and then guess where the business comes from … and a big majority of our business comes from our reputation of catering and caring…

We have families that won’t use anyone else BUT us… because we are THAT good 😘✌️

But it was really sweet to have someone acknowledge that after I handled them. ❤️

Work was busy… from the minute I step in – it’s on… and I have 2 services tmrw – so tmrw will be insane!!

And when I say services – it is not what you think. It is covid restricted services – so if is viewing is 2 at a time

And we have held services outside but they are not allowing us to do that anymore

We also will set up for a funeral but we will not go in the church if family wants a church service

If the church is willing to do so then fine – it can be on the church them – my people will be waiting outside. We are not taking chances

We just had a death of one of us… they caught covid – was one of our cemetery coordinators – young guy.

So we just got locked down even more 🤨 while the governor is lifting stay at home orders

You gonna lift this shit… and my shit gonna go off!!! 🤨

We are almost in spring – we are almost vaccinating… we almost there

Not yet!! It’s still dangerous!!

Anyway. So that was today. If you wanna tell me covid is no big deal? When you lose someone, you come tell me that.

Then … My friends do not like me out in the country… they also do not like that I do not date… they think I need someone and they think I need to come back to civilization lol

They just don’t understand so whatever – they don’t have to.

I stay away from civilization because I really love the peace of coming home to the country and escaping all the crazy ❤️ it’s so peaceful out here ❤️ and it’s soo beautiful too … there are sucky things like fires and power losses lol – but I am addicted to the peace ❤️ I just want it ❤️

And with dating they try everything to get me to date …

First of all… I am not them. And I don’t want someone because I need anything – I only want to want – that’s it.

And I am fine doing by myself right now, and is good for the moment – is good for me.

Also… I am soft – or so I claim ✌️

I am soft… but if you asked water heater guy – he would NOT tell you I am soft lol 😄✌️

On some things yes – I will stand up.

And then… with dating – I just always try to avoid lol ✌️ … I am fine for right now. I really don’t understand what the big deal is.

But I guess in their defense – I did go severely silent and they had to fight to hold on to me… cause I wanted to push everyone away at that time. I just wanted no one near me.

But I had been through hell with my ex, and then my families deaths and my cancer … so when cancer finished – I just wanted everyone away from me.

It wasn’t because I was depressed – I was sad with everything yes… but I still loved life and still cherished life – I just needed to not be near anyone – I really needed peace to heal for myself.

I was tired of doctors and hospitals and deaths and things!! I didn’t want to be touched or poked or anything – my ex was stalking and causing me problems and I just wanted to be left alone, and hide away.

One day just fell off the face of the earth. No trace – expect my girls who keep trying even when I said no.

They would not allow me to cut off – they kept at me and then would say things like “we don’t want you cutting your wrists or anything”

They knew what I had been through – but I was never like that… I just needed peace from everything for a moment

But I do see what it looked like to everyone else. They knew how I was and they saw all the trauma… and then I went silent, so I can see their concern. ❤️

So anyway… I think they just would feel better if I did have someone? But that’s just not where I am right now… of course you never know what can happen… but I don’t search

Before … I knew everyone. I was well known in the community because I had been with the police for a long time…

And then at the golf course I knew everyone too… and when I would walk in the door – they would say my name the same way they would say “Norm” on the sitcom Cheers ❤️ (but I would have the entire clubhouse doing that ❤️)

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And I was just bubbly and knew everyone – then everything happened and I went silent

Now I just love the peace – when I first came here … someone said to me – be careful – peace can be dangerous … I did not understand because peace sounds amazing to me!!

But I guess I understand now, because peace is dangerous in the way… that you fall in love with it, and then it’s hard to come back after having been spoiled by peace ✌️❤️😘

I have been here now since August of 2019

So I am coming up on 2 years… lol I didn’t realize so much time went by 😮

Ok no wonder they on my case, but they are always on my case! From day one they didn’t want me coming out here and being alone lol

I chose that.

For me … not for them.

I am loyal to them for standing by me and not letting go ❤️

They just annoy me with the dating thing lol

And then I’m talking to them tonight and at the end of the convo one says …

If you start dating anyone you have to tell us. 🤨

They don’t hear me lol whatever

I still love them ❤️ and I still don’t listen 💋✌️

I will do the things that I feel are right for my own self. I don’t have anyone telling me anything ❤️ I make my own choices – so far they going ok

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If I do come across someone who is worth it to me – I will cross that bridge then. ✌️

Anyway… I have a lot on my mind with things … all my things!!

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💋✌️