Today I am going to be working on my own stuff. Still a little overwhelmed with it… but whatever – I can only do my best. I am trying.
In the meantime, my girlfriend is having surgery later in August – she will need my help August 24-28th. So we will stay there and I will care for her when not working.
Then… in September – remember my little elderly man I talk to from time to time? The one I used to take care of, the one who fires everyone else…
He is having surgery in September and needs me to bring him and take him home from the hospital. So I’ll do that for him on September 8th (he has no one else, his family can’t – they are either too old or too far) I don’t mind at all and enjoy catching up with him… everyone needs someone!!
I have to call him today anyway.
These people are like my family, have been for awhile now…
The elderly man has known me for over 20 years… that’s why he’s so comfortable with me… and while his family sometimes doesn’t understand him, he is quirky and once an idea is in his head – he is hard headed lol
But I understand him. He will listen to me. I stick up for him with the family on some matters – and when they can’t be there for him – I am.
He gave me work, when I was in need.
He has watched what I went through. He stood there solid through that. Being supportive and just being a friend.
And my girlfriend – she has been my rock through my devastation …
I said before everyone needs “someone” … she was my someone… she picked me up from the pile of tears I had going on and kinda held me tight for awhile, even when I fought it.
So those people are a solid in my life … I would do anything for them ❤️ they have done for me when I needed.
And that’s how you do life 😘✌️for me anyway.
No matter what happens with my things … I have incredible people surrounding me ❤️ so I don’t have to have fear strike me AS much… it still does
My ex is brutal in all senses of that word. He is Satan to me.
One day he will meet his karma on his own.
I hear a lot about forgiveness – do I forgive while I am still at his mercy and he is still brutal?
No … I don’t … he doesn’t ask for it, and he doesn’t need it.
While working on my things… there are somethings that are going to be bad.
He has no mercy with me at all.
I have been quiet.
But now it’s in my hands – if I give mercy, he will bury me.
I am a mercy giver usually… so this is hard for me on many levels.
I now have to turn and face Satan and slam it down.
The problem with that is, because he is so brutal… and that would piss him off… he already comes at me with vengeance… basically to keep me quiet.
When I speak I am a little worried cause I haven’t been protected… so I worry about what the vengeance would be?? That scares me a little – I feel panic with that.
It makes me question, how to do this. But whatever – is just the panic I feel inside.
I want to be free from him so badly!! More than anything in the world… I just want him out of my life
So figuring that out. ✌️
I have to run – be back later 😘