Hard one

That one was rough 😮 whoa! That one made me take a breath and hold it so I didn’t cry. As long as I can get that lump swallowed, I’m good. But that was a hard one. 💔

So let’s see… I get there a little before 8am…I put my stuff down and went to get coffee – because I had not had coffee yet!! I did need that this morning!!!

Is a service, which I figured. So I dressed up… nylons heels 👠, nice black skirt with flowers on it – and an all black shirt – with a button down long sleeve blazer 😮🥵🥵🥵

Oh my god!! It’s 103!!!!!!!!!!! Ok we aren’t outside yet- so let me continue…

So I have coffee and she gives me run down… we talking…

You know the Haunted Mansion… she forwards those phones to my girls … she is alone… and I guess with the budget, they can’t send us.

So the girl here was complaining about that – cause our phones and services are goin off – it’s just constant now!!!

So I had asked about the haunted mansion woman, I said “what do you think of her?”

And she says “don’t trust her” 😮😳

I said “what makes you say that?, she’s all by herself. “

And this woman says “wait who are we talking about? I thought you meant the district manager” 😮😮😮😮

Ok… here is where I have a red flag 🚩…

I adore my district manager – right from the start!!! Immediately click… never have one issue… get nothin but love… so ya know, I kinda have her back… that’s my district manager – she’s always been good to me… we have amazing communication (but that’s because of me lol but whatever… still really good communication)

This other woman here… says not very nice things about some of my girls… and almost tries to tarnish them to me?

But again… my girls give me nothin but love. And is business, they work well with me.

I see this woman giving some of them hard times, both district manager and ofc manager … and she just seems kinda negative (also make me wonder what she say about me behind my back) she is also… always mega stressed…

This one just gives me caution. But whatever …

I am pretty neutral and laid back – kinda quiet … I have this gift ?? I guess??? It does not matter who you are…people are at ease with me instantly – yes seriously “instantly”!! I am just a calm person, and I am friendly and caring. But it’s always like that – even when I was a kid. People just come to me. They tell me everything, unload everything.

But I keep my mouth shut too… here’s the thing… I do NOT do office politics, and I don’t hurt others – you can say your shit … but I don’t repeat… that is your thing, not mine… I am there to do a job and unless it pertains to the job at hand – I’m not getting involved or taking sides. I would like to enjoy my work thank you ✌️

I like my slate clean ✌️ I don’t muddy it up with useless personality crap – you have a job … be lucky you have that. Know your place. I’m sorry… but yes. Business, not friendship.

You can have a work family and work great together – but when you are 2 faced … ohhh I dunno.

I only say that cause she will speak badly about someone and then they come in, and she’s all sweet and kissing ass? Is she kissing my ass too?? Hmm 🤔 interesting

I just observe, that’s all. So yeah guarded. Feeling out the situation still.

She did tell me details about haunted mansion I didn’t hear in so many words…

Just that with budget they can’t let her hire more – and she had more and I guess ruined it and they quit.

We do have A personalities because everything has to be supreme perfection – sorry …you do NOT screw up someone’s death… it must be perfect at ALL times … smooth and seamless… even if you trip up – you better cover that so continues smooth.

You handle that family like they are your main focus. Nothing is more important than them.

You handle their issues – and then you also kinda help hold their hand through it. Kinda psychiatrist ? Cause they are upset.

I helped the ones today. My own story with my dad hit really close on this one – so they had me help a few family members who were extremely upset. I got them calmed.

One was telling me… some nurse at the hospital came in all bubbly and happy… “hi how are you all doing?”

They were annoyed and hurt by getting the news from a bubbly person … normally I am actually bubbly… but at work, I see the pain so… I’m just calm. Really severely calm!!!!

And they said “the nurse was not calm and empathetic like you are” – that kinda made me feel good that they did actually felt a calm with me.

Anyway… I full on suited up… button down black jacket… it was 103 out there!!! And went for like an hour before the lowering.

Oh my god! … my face is red from the sun… and my chest… which was white and freckly… is now red and even MORE freckly 🤨 (like I needed more or something ?? Which I don’t / I’m covered already!!!) most people tan – I just turn red and freckly 🤨 … I don’t mind the red … and freckles are cool when you are 5! And also – I already have MORE than my fair share of freckles!! Someone spilled a bucket of freckles all over me!! Lol

(My grandmother used to tell me… freckles are just angel kisses 😳🤨😄… I only make that face because I have freckles where the sun doesn’t shine lol … so the angel kissed me where?? Lol omg) it always made me laugh and think of that.

I was dying … underneath my jacket … I was completely soaked Oh my god! Not a little wet … SOAKED!!!!

And that is how you get heat stroke 🤨

When we got back … I said … ummm maybe they should do all burials before 10am!!! Cause that was insanely hot!!! I thought I was gonna pass out from heat!!!

She said “seriously!” And laughed

But I am being very serious … I am still hot!!! My body is not cooling down!!! Stuck on heat!!! 🔥

So anyway… office politics again … always here!! I already know before I even come lol

And then sad Service 💔 I felt this one hard… from so many angles. Is a case that makes me question, can I continuously take everyone’s pain? Am I ok with that? Can I face pain

My gut instinct is to avoid it… but then my other instinct is that I am fully confident I am good in this area because I do know this pain… and it also does help me.

It’s just hard. It’s really hard. I don’t like people to see me cry…

And when others cry – it breaks my heart and I want to fix that. I don’t like this type of sadness. At all. And this type is intense. Am I ok with that?

And with my girls… there is no office drama. We laugh a lot- they are brilliantly funny – so they do balance it.

It is giving me good perspectives. I am “really” good with the families. I cater and sometimes connect. My peace I guess gives them peace? So I am very good at it?

But whatever – just mentioning my thoughts. Today was hard

Alright gonna read for awhile ✌️

12 thoughts on “Hard one

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  1. I wonder if you’ll become like me… very accepting of death, rarely impacted by it. I’m devastated by animal deaths, and still really hurt to lose Shelagh (nice to know I haven’t completely stopped feeling), but overall very accepting and compassionate for the myriad ways of grieving.

    Sorry it was a hard day for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do accept death. That is a part of life… at the end.

      You just have no say when that enters your life… and if your heart is tied tightly – that’s where the ache is.

      But I do accept it… I am still effected by it though – it still hits my heart.

      And I just don’t like to see people suffer so much pain like that… that’s the hard part – I am a bleeding heart. Always have been.

      This job does make me accept it more cause it is in my face all the time.

      Thank you … it’s ok, you have those hard days because others are in such pain… but they had a harder day than I did.

      I get to come home and it’s gone… but they don’t.


      1. I think my Word Press is broken? Not sure??

        Someone’s post go constant? So I can’t see others? Is all that one… I have to go into posts individually


    1. You probably be covered like me… do you have irish? You have Scottish though right? Do I remember you saying that?

      You would die in my heat 😄😄

      Yeah… that’s true… while I do know the severe heart break – some shoes I have not walked in, so I can feel the pain of loss – but don’t know the experience… I can only imagine in my own mind, on some. And with some others …I know the same situations so those I can feel deeply 😝

      But others – like this one… I made me think of my dad… and then there was a mother who was heart broken to lose her son… so made me think of …if I ever lost one of my kids, I would also be beyond devastated and then this person was only 12 years older than me… I have reached the age where could be me… and in those kids – their heartbreak was so intense… so all that hit yesterday lol

      So yeah that is true. Some will hit harder.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😄😄 that’s true … but yes on Scottish?

        My brother took a dna test so he could know exactly what he is 🤨🙄 (he opened Pandora’s box with that and plopped it on my lap!) but anyway… his would be different than mine cause different egg and sperm – parents are same though.

        His traits and dna were very interesting. A sprinkle of a few things we didn’t know… I am curious but I also do not want it getting into the hands of insurance agencies – in case they can see some type of predisposition for something and not insure. I don’t know if they do that, but I’m not taking that chance – and I don’t want anyone having photos much less dna lol …I’m weird 😘✌️

        Liked by 1 person

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